13 February, 2006

27 Jan. Technical Crap

27 January 2006 @ 11:13 pm
technical crap
I am so terrified right now.
Well, now and for the past four hours.
Rehearsal began late because we had a lift rehearsal. The lift being not hydraulic, but on some sort of distributed weight system with a guy guiding a cable with counterweights..I don't know.
Last night it didn't work because they thought the cable would snap since it was not aligned correctly.
Tonight I did the rehearsal in costume with the spear. They slowly hoisted me up, while I'm scrambling to make sure my huge train does not get caught and therefore make it impossible to MOVE for the first aria.

Fine. It would be problematic, but I could deal with it.

Then came the aria.
I had to climb 3.5 feet to get INTO the lift with my dress. Once on it, I had to be on my knees scrambling to try and tuck my dress in to the back of my knees. I can't stand up because the lift is that high that I'd be seen from stage (or, my crown would).
All of a sudden our 3 mph lift turned into some sort of turbo engine and they shot me up there.
I was so freaked out. Not necessarily by the speed, but by the fact that once I was up there, the lift shook a bit and I could not get myself grounded. I stepped off of it and had to stop.
I couldn't sing one note. My throat closed up so badly and I felt like I was going to start crying or vomit on the stage. I was so shaky. I was not well. I had to sit down and try to calm down.
But we went on and I sang the aria as terrified as I was, as nervous as I was, as hysterical as I was. I didn't think it sounded good and I could not control the voice- just like those times I talked about when I got really nervous for no reason. My body was rejecting what my brain was trying to do which was calm me down. Or was it my body reacting to the sheer terror and reliving on the unbalanced feeling that was going through my head?

I somehow got through it.
I thought it sounded like shit and I didn't get any of the musicality or blocking right because I was so freaked out about my voice not working.

I almost cried exiting the stage. Had to compose myself and wait until aria number 2 with the lift.
This time they had to stop right before it because the SM said that I wasn't ready to go. NOT true. They did't fucking bring the lift down in time for me and my huge costume to get in the damn 1x1 cubicle with my spear and be SHOT up again.

This time it went up much slower. But it was still shaky at the very top. I could barely get through the dialogue. I felt like I was going to pass out or something. I was so nervous and scared. WHY? Why? There was no way I was falling back down in there. But there was also no way that I was getting good balance before starting these arias.

The aria sounded like even more shit than the first one. I couldn't get my breath for the long tripelet run. The F's were fine, but everything else was horrible.

I got down and practically broke down on the way back to the dressing room.

There are so many reasons why I should be able to deal with this and get over it. It is "safe", but it's not easy, it's not what I should be dealing with before singing two of the most difficult arias in the coloratura soprano repertoire.

one week till the show.

Current Mood: trying to calm down

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