audition

Ok, today was just...weird..and good...and weird again...and very good again.

Let me try to explain. Morning routine went uninterrupted. Warmed up, felt good..but a BIT weird in that wonky-throated-what-the-heck-is-going-on-oh-yea-it's-almost-the-girly-time way.

I got to the opera house.
The last time I was here to see a performance must have been in 2001. Aida. I will never forget it because a Tuba totally ruined the triumphal march's LAST big beat on ONE, by coming in ONE quarter note early.
And then entire audience gasped and then a few people in the pit laughed. It WAS actually hilarious...but I felt bad for the guy.

Anyway...so I remember standing in the 'standing room' waiting line, putting my scarf around the pole, walking out to get a quick snack, and then STANDING for like 3.5 hours of Aida.

This time I got to enter through the stage door.
I was greeted by a man who spoke with a thick accent who told me to take the elevator to the fourth floor and go to probezimmer 6- that means rehearsal room 6.

One would think that when one got off of the elevator, one would see signs for said room.
Instead, I got to walk down one hallway, back to the elevator, walk down another hallway (all with numbers like 4022, 4021, etc), to THEN see an offshoot hallway with a tiny sign saying ZM1-6..which I took to mean, rooms 1-6...the ones I was looking for.
Half a staircase up and around and down later, I found room 6.

The pianist was American (from North Dakota...cool)..and we went through Zerbinetta, which I was starting with. I listed my other rep and she had no problem with it so I had no problem with it..and it was 12:05 and I had to wait until the audition began at 1.

So I sat on a ledge outside of the room where we would be singing..waiting, playing with my iphone, waiting, drinking some water, waiting, eating some bread (brown bread with hard crust. RULES). waiting.
Then another singer shows up. Then another...I guess that was the order in which the pianist was playing for them.

THen- 1pm.
Audition time. Except no, there is no order, so some singer decides to count off, and by the time I count off...quickly, but not loudly so I don't offend anyone else who may want an early number (DUH)...I'm number 6 of 8.
Boo.

So I wait some more.
First girl- soprano, one song.
2nd guy- guy...who knows.
3 guy- ... "
4th girl- honking soprano and they asked for dich teure halle after the first piece.
5th girl- started with vivaldi. a slow aria. WHO DOES THAT? I don't care if you have the voice of the angels..do NOT start with an unknown Vivaldi Aria that is slow and boring.
ME- Zerbinetta.

So. It was one of those days..when I wasn't nervous at all before hand, and then I got in there and wasn't nervous, and then I started singing and wasn't nervous...and then...all of a sudden I started to be aware of what I was doing...in a not so fun way...like--thinking. BOO. Thinking is WRONG. I just "BE" when I perform...or try to just 'be'.
So now I"m trying to fool myself into NOT thinking..which involves more "acting"....(ekkkting)...haha..no, it involves me trying to get out of my head and into the character. So I focus on some physicality..in this case my hips...(hey, it's what came to mind and what I have to use anyway to get Zerb's point across)...and I'm trying to get out of my head by "being" better.

It worked. I ended up back in Zerbie's head and out of my own.

So.
I finish. And one short old guy starts blathering in German about how I said the word "herz" wrong. Too closed. It was SOOO SOOO good, except for this one word. And that's a shame.
EXCUSE me?!
Did I seriously just sing for 7 almost-perfect minutes for you and you're pissed cuz on a HIGH F which is already in a CRAP vocal zone, I have to sing an open "EH" vowel and approach it from an A on the staff after a low D on the staff.
Thanks.
Really.

So I sang a little bit of a more closed-down Eh instead of an open Eh. LORD.

So I'm pissed.
Then the guy on the panel says do you have Queen.
Why YES_ (what a freeeeaaaaking surprise...see posts below)....I DO have queen's 2nd aria.
-No, do you have the first one.
-No, sorry not today (even though I do and the accompanist probably sees it right behind Der holle rache)..but I am NOT about to sing an aria that I haven't even LOOKED at in over 2 years. PLEASE.
And really? Really? You want me to sing through the entire thing JUST so you can hear that final F approached?
AFter ZERBINETTA?!
And you DON"T want to hear the 2nd queen aria that has like a zillion and one F's in it?
ok.
that's fine.
who ARE you people? and what have you done with ANYONE that knows what they heck they are talking about?

So. I'm pissed even more, because I wanted to sing a 2nd piece, and I had hoped that they would just ask me for something else after I said I didn't have the first Queen.

So I go outside and begin to pack up. But no.
We ALL have to wait there until every one finishes singing..and then there is going to be some kind of 'discussion'.
I'm thinking..yea, right..these people are just going to finish hearing us and then leave the room with us looking like idiots wanting feedback...

So, actually, they did what they said (in a weird way)...maybe they had to 'tawk amongst themselves" first.
But then they asked us in one by one and gave us feedback.

The nice man who talked to me said auf deutsch oder anglisch..and i said, ich verstehe deutsch, aber anglisch ist besser...
So he said- it's better for me too, I'm swedish!

So here I'm expecting something like:--your German was weak (which I have NEVER heard), it was OK. Good acting. Thanks for stopping by.

And instead I got: So, we would like for you to come sing on the mainstage as soon as possible.
Tuesday maybe?
Great acting, that one German word was just ok but we want to hear you again and we were very impressed, bla bla bla bla.
I stopped listening after the "as soon as possible".

And all I could think about was how PISSED I was for the last 20 minutes, waiting there, knowing/thinking that they hated me..even though I though/KNEW that I sang really really well!



Allllrightythen!

morning of

In about 3 hours I'll be entering the theater to audition.
Until then-
shower, lip trill, hairdryer, sirens, makeup (can't really lip trill or else the eye liner will get all over the place and there is no hope for lip liner), outfit (even though it's 3 hours too early to put it on), banana, water, maybe some bread and cheese, warm up for real at the conservatory down the street, and then I'll be off and running.

Wien

Arrived in Wien (Vienna) this evening, and since I'm staying with a director friend of mine from a few years back (actually, from my first ever pay-to-sing program that I did when I was 20 or something like that), I feel right at home, since I've visited him before, I know the area where he lives, and generally- I love Vienna.

I took a 9 hour train from Hagen to Vienna, with three transfers. NO train woes or unknown Sbahn trips.

It was totally straightforward.

Except for the first HOUR, when all of Western Germany congregated upon Koeln (Cologne), for a crazy celebration of Carnavale Deutschland-style.

I was wondering why for the past 3 days I had seen people in insane costumes wandering around the central town square and train stations, and now I know why.

Koeln is the biggest center for celebration of this holiday (kind of like Mardi Gras mixed with Purim...or something like that), and people really take this seriously

Not only was free chocolate handed out on the train in first class today (I haven't had that before, so I assume it was for the holiday weekend and I shoved three pieces in my mouth...one for each train connection), but also, train schedules were CHANGED, there were MORE trains to Koeln, and on the way I saw bussloads, carloads, and general masses of people descending upon the city to celebrate.

So. I'm in Vienna, hanging out all of tomorrow and meeting with the agent that is sending me on the audition on wednesday.

Again, here on this side of the pond, it's normal and accepted to work with more than one agent...actually, a number of them, because of certain connections and relationships that certain ones may have...and whomever gets you the audition gets the commission both from the theater and from the singer IF the singer gets the job.

My current US based agency is doing great work for me in terms of inquiring about whether any house auditions will be held during the time I'm in a certain city...ie, oh- I'll be in Paris for four days...can you check out any place that is x number of hours away by train and see if they'll hear me? And that's GREAT because the more houses I sing for, the better-- even if it's a general audition. And their relationships with certain houses overseas is very good as well.

With the German/European based agencies, I feel like I'm being sent on specific things because they are 'in the know' about what Fest/Guest situations are open or not...since they have to do the legwork daily..and so I'm getting the best of both worlds--specific knowledge of openings from the people who are doing the legwork on the front lines here every day, and a solid foundation from back home that represents me well and is able to make inquiries that I would not otherwise be able to make on my own--ie, writing a company out of the blue just 'cuz' I'm here, and requesting a mainstage audition.

As I said, this whole trip has already been worth all of the planning, endless googling and emailing and Dbahning and fact-checking and language-translating, etc. etc....

I feel pretty proud of myself for planning this whole thing beginning in mid-January and actually having it work out here (so far!)
And I am enjoying my alone time on trains, looking out the window at the beautiful snowy scenery of the world passing me by...
And let me just say that I really would rather take a 27 hour train than get on a 3 hour airplane.
I get off these things and I am READY. To sing ANYTHING. Never tired, never woozy, never dehydrated...it must be the lack of pressure change...but I feel GREAT traveling with my Eurail and am glad I invested in it.

More on travels later, for now, sleep, and a free day in Vienna.

the best laid plans of mice and men

Wow, this is turning into the crazy-travel blog. (I just posted 3 entries, so read on if you want!)

Continuing on my journey from the night train (where, dear reader, I last described the pungent scent of the deserted train station as I eagerly awaited my 11:23pm departure on the night line), I boarded the train expecting…well, I don’t know what. I made a couchette reservation (the middle spot, so I would have to climb into the bed).

I was the last of six to arrive…and let me just describe in as few words as possible that these were 5 big stinky guys. So I get up into my bed, and all of a sudden- thump- the bottom half of it falls off of the knob that is holding it up and it starts tipping downward.
I immediately get OFF of the bed, try to fix it by lifting it back up. Seems to take. Get on again. BOOM. People- I am not THAT fat. Really. I know, I shouldn’t have had burger king for dinner, but seriously. And I wasn’t even sitting on that side—as soon as I climbed up to the other side it still fell.

So I play around with it again. FINALLY with the help of one of the stinky guys (the one right under me whose impending serious injury probably got him to think that it may be a good idea to help me out), found an extra screw that the bed was supposed to rest on…that was not screwed in. Grrrreat.

So we did that, the bed didn’t fall on his head, yadda yadda yadda, I slept from about 1am-3:30am.

Now I ALWAYS do this. When I have to wake up early, even if I set an alarm, I will sleep like CRAP, waking up way before the alarm, and then drifting in and out of sleep in 15 minute spurts. Not so fun. We got off of the smelly train at 6:23 am in Maelmo, I got on a regional 30 minute train to Copenhagen, had an hour to kill there (luckily I found my internet ticket from …YESTERDAY when I had bought an hour at a café and only used 30 minutes), and then I got on the train to Hamburg.

Now, people. Once again, I will ask you very politely, oh Dbahn Gods…WHY would you not TELL someone that halfway through the trip you will be asked to get off of the train, onto a Ferry boat, and then back on the train again?
Also, WHY would you sell someone a train ticket that is clearly marked Hamburg to Hannover…which really means: Arrive in Hamburg Main Station, RUN your ass off to the SBahn (regional city subyway/train line), take an 8 minute Sbahn to ANOTHER stop…NEAR Hamburg, that is NOT called Hamburg, have to find your train departure to Hannover NOT by the time that is written on your ticket, because apparently that was the time that you neded to get on the Sbahn, but instead by cruising the board for the first train that leaves that has the stop Hannover written in one of the first 10 cities that each blue screen lists.

And how was I to know ANY of this? Well, I DIDN”T …until I overheard some people speaking in German about how annoying it was that they had to take the Sbahn to get to Hannover. And then my ears perked up and I was like---whaaaat? Sbahn? And then I asked the conductor if this was true, and she said yes.

And so.
Instead of being on my way to Hannover (after having taken that Sbahn to the correct departure station), I am now on an IC (not ICE) train to Dortmund. I’m trying to get to Hagen. The fake-Hamburg to Hannover train is 10 minutes late. Guess how many minutes I have to make my Hannover to Hagen connection? 9 minutes.
Now, I love these train systems. Really I do. But I didn’t want to take a chance that the train would make up those 10 minutes.

So—being (some would say anal, I would say always prepared)….I had written down “other” possibilities of connections. And thank goodness I did. Fake-Hamburg to Dortmund, Dortmund to Hagen.
I better be OFF of public transportation by 15:55.

oslo-hagen

Yes, I decided to take the 28 hour train ride back into Germany.
My audition this morning/afternoon went very well, and yet again- I was asked for Queen after beginning with DurchZ even though they are doing Ariadne next year (although I’m sure it is cast already). The opera house is just gorgeous. I didn’t get to see much of the city seeing as how my 10 pm arrival on Thursday was followed by a 3:49 pm departure on Friday.
Oh. This is a good one—more travel tales.
My train at 3:49 left from Oslo Central. OR SO I THOUGHT.
I kept looking at the board to see what track number the train left from, and every other train before and after me for about 20 minutes was already up there. So then I look under “details” for the train. As it turns out, the train “KIND OF” leaves from Oslo! If you count an hour bus ride towards the Swedish border town of Konigsfinger (something or other)…OSLO.
Yea. That was a nice surprise. I had my first class seat all reserved and then I ended up sitting in the last row of a bus for an hour, and then getting on a regional train to….lord, where am I right now? I think it’s called Sodertalje Syd. I’m one or two stops away from Stockholm. Waiting for 2 hours in an unbelievably empty (and kind of scarily empty) train station… it’s one of those small regional stations with only 4 tracks, nothing open, no information booth, pay-to-use bathrooms, (ARGHGHGHG…why didn’t I go on the FIRST train?!), and to top it all off, someone let their dog poop right in the middle of the station. Seriously. You can’t get to track 3 or 4 without going within 5 feet of dog poop.

WHY the train schedule online thought that this 2 hour stopover connection before my night train (11:30pm-6am) to Maelmo (not Malm, you Ikea lovers), was the most convenient, I don’t know. I am PRETTY sure that the night train I’m about to take in an hour and a half starts in Stockholm. Yet I’ll be waiting for it here, at it’s 3rd stop, with dog poo.

Oh, speaking of Ikea, I almost forgot---on the way to Konigsfinger-border-town on the bus, we passed the largest Ikea I’ve ever seen (yes, larger than Elizabeth NJ, Montreal Quebec, Mall of America, MN, New Haven, CT and ALL the other ones I’ve been at that I can’t quite remember or actually care to share because that makes me sound a little crazy…but I DO love Ikea…so deal with it). It was like 3 buildings in one. I bet one whole building was just the “pick up the number tags you want” department…and one building was only to sell Lingonberry juice.
Yummmm…

one would think

One would think that if one were to be auditioning at a professional opera house in Berlin that one would be familiar with audition procedures of some sort. I know we are more formal about this process in the US, but STILL.

This is what I saw from stage right after my own audition had just finished and the stage manager could not bring me back to my warm up room until the first half of the candidate’s aria that was next.

Walk out onstage…wander around aimlessly, as if waiting for instructions on how to do everything. Pianist meets her to get music. BUTT to the audience. Turn around when asked what she would like to start with. She says I don’t know. What would you like. They ask for the first Queen aria. She bends down three times to touch her toes, stretches her arms to the side, does some windmills, some lunges in each direction as if she were about to do a warm up jog at the gym, and THEN begins the aria.

WHAT?
Did I really just see that...on THIS stage? At THIS audition?

I certainly did.

burger king wireless

Hello from the free wireless network at the Oslo main train station's burger king.
Yep, I'm going to admit it.
Instead of a sampling of may raw fish and herring or some crazy pork-filled ball in soup, I rewarded my good audition this morning with a whopper. And fries. Ok, it was a value meal. Don't judge.

A few things before I head downstairs to find my correct track number and get on the right train (and not miss any of my very very close connections that I have to make over the next 27 hours):

1. Queen of the night seems to be the benchmark aria. Even when I don't offer it, they see it on my resume. And they ask for it. After I just sang them a high E in DurchZ and held it and did things with it. Whatever. Bring it on. It's just one note higher and lord knows I've got 4 or 5 more to spare.

2. My taxi driver this morning was from Somalia. Uhh...did no one else let him in somewhere warmer? Wow. It's not like you had to go through political strife and then get sent to sunny Spain or something. But a taxi driver in Oslo?
Brrrr.

3. Everyone wants to know about Obama and how he will hopefully reshape the American image abroad. Also, when I say I'm "from New York" they get all excited like it's the best city in the world that they've never been to and some magical and enchanted place like Disneyland.

4. Cheese DOES last over 24 hours without being refrigerated.

5. Oh. I have a good story about my audition in Berlin and the girl who sang after me.
All about audition etiquette and notes to NEVER forget about how your audition BEGINS as SOON as you walk into the room. More on that later.

6. The Rail Platform worker in Copenhagen told me to be very careful about showing my passport to people in Denmark...because of where I was born. WHAT?!

7. It's usually a good idea to check whether you need a visa to get into any countries outside of the EU. My bad. Didn't need one, but that could have been really really not good.

Bottom line- I LOVE doing all of this on the fly. I've been here for exactly ONE week and already this entire trip is worth it with just the 3 mainstage auditions I've had.

Yes, I have my moments of panic...but that is what the trusty iphone is for...and no matter what...even if I get stuck somewhere (crossing fingers and knocking on wood that it does NOT happen), I will explore some new place and most likely make the best of it.

trains planes and automobiles (REALLY LONG TRAVEL POST)

Well, minus the planes and automobiles.
Since I bought a Eurail pass that entitles me to 15 days of travel within two months, I decided that my upcoming trip to audition in Oslo, Norway, would be done via train.
That’s not to say that I didn’t look at cheap flights. I went to all of the regular sites, consolidator sites, etc…it’s just that I had to keep emailing the house for confirmation that I could have an audition time before noon, or between 11-12 for me to make the flight BACK to anywhere, so in the end, of course, all of the airline prices went up.
That’s when I started googling, actually, I should say “Dbahn-ing”, because the website is bahn.de and it’s the Deutschbahn trains that I would be taking…the question was—from WHERE?

First I was in Leipzig for an audition. So- the closest point of departure would be from Berlin.
BUT I was supposed to stay with a friend in Dusseldorf (yesterday), AND meet with a friend in Frankfurt (also yesterday—on the way to Dusseldorf)…however, both of those dates, plus free couches, got bumped by a last minute audition in Berlin.

And so- my “DBahning” could begin. Berlin to Oslo.
I didn’t have that many choices that were under twenty six hours of travel, so I decided to take the route that seemed most direct (or so I thought), AND that would only take on “day” on my Eurail pass. See, there is a magical rule for those who have the pass, that if your ‘travel day’ begins AFTER 7pm, and your destination will not be reached until after midnight, you only have to count ONE travel day---ie, it’s the 18th at 7pm when you leave, but you write down that you are traveling only on the 19th. Free day! Sweeet.

So. My train schedule was:
Berlin to Bielefeld
Bielefeld to Copenhagen
Copenhagen to Gotesborg
Gotesborg to Oslo central.

All with plenty of time between connections, and the ‘overnight’ part of the train (Bielfeld to Copenhagen)—had no switches (so I could sleep from 1am-9am).

Here is how this all actually went down.

8:45pm- buy bread and cheese and water and 4 clementines. I figure—it’s enough to live on in jail, plus some vitamin c. 26 hours won’t kill me.
9- get on train number one- Berlin to Bielefeld.
First class. No complaints.
11:55- get into Bielefeld, and have 45 minutes until the next train. Here is where the drama began.
Every train that leaves is up on a blue board that tells you the train number, the departure platform, and where the train’s final destination is.

So I get up to Bielefeld at midnight—everything is closed except for a 24 hours McDonalds. The police are standing at the door shouting at a man who is clearly intoxicated and decided to sleep it off at the train station. It’s COLD because the platforms are all outside and the only place to sit “inside” is the open McD’s.
I look at the blue board:
:43 Train 0047 ICE (Intercity express) to WRZSCA (Warsaw) via Hannover and Hamburg.
Track 4.

Uhhh..what?
Where is MY train? I scan the board. No other departures until 3am. A train BACK to Berlin.

My train is called 0-xxc4700 or something like that, and the final destination is KOPNHGN (or, however the Germans shorten the German spelling of Copenhagen).

Cue the iphone.
Yes, I turned on international roaming and opened iRail.
Type in Bielefeld to Copenhagen.
See that it says :43 departure.
WHAT?
Why is this train going to WARSAW?! I’m PRETTTY sure that Copenhagen isn’t “on the way” to Warsaw.

Cue calling mom and asking her to google it for me.
Thank GOD it’s 6 hours earlier in the US because I don’t know who I would have woken up at 12:30pm in Europe.
She can’t find it on Dbahn…meaning….she can, but it doesn’t have any more details.

My next thoughts are as follows.
A. SUCK. What is WRONG with the DB people whom I MADE double check this in Berlin when I reserved my “couchette” (sleeping quarters) for the evening.
B. O.K. There is a motel outside. I’m sure it’s sketchy, but at least I don’t have to go far in case I get stuck here.
C. Look around and ask people where they are going. Of COURSE they are Polish..mostly…and going to Warsaw. And don’t know what to tell me. They think I should take the train to Hannover or Hamburg and maybe there will be a connection there. But my ticket says nothing about a connection.
D. It’s :35. I’m going up to the track where my train is ‘supposedly’ leaving, and waiting for a train official to step off the train once it gets here to see what the deal is.
So I’m standing next to what LOOKS like NOT a Polish person…and more of a “Nordic” person – ie, BLOND hair green eyes light skin.
And I’m like- Are you going to Copenhagen on this train?
And she says---yes, it goes to Copenhagen but only the first 2 cars.
Uhh---THANKS for letting me know DBAHN! It doesn’t say ANYWHERE that this train will mass-transport people for an hour and then break off into pieces for the night—at around 2am. Convenient.

That cost me whatever roaming charges were for that freaked out 10 minutes on the phone and 10 minutes for ‘data roaming’. Thanks.

PHEW. So I’m on the right train, in the right car. Next adventure- sleeping in a couchette (it was for 6 people but there were only 4---already asleep….so I get in there in the dark, put my stuff down, and just collapse after the drama of the last :43 minutes).

Woke up around 5am as usual. I’ve been keeping semi-insane hours here…I’m usually tired for about an hour between 7pm-8pm, can’t get to sleep until 1am or 2am, and then wake up WiDE awake at 6am. And that’s it for the day. Very bad, I know. But I’m hoping to catch up ….at some point…

We arrived in Copenhagen at 10am and then I had three hours to walk around before my train to Goteborg. I walked down the main pedestrian path for about an hour each way, hung around the train station, got decent Train Thai food (yellow curry with rice), MISSED the first train to Goteborg because I was eating and somehow convinced myself that the train was at 12:59 instead of the actual departure time of 12:47. Good times. Almost thought I would have to spend the night in Copenhagen.
Caught the 1:13 to Goteborg and HOPED that I would still have time to make my connection to Oslo. Cut it CLOSE (10 minutes)…but---
Right NOW---I am on the TRAIN to Oslo.
Arrival time: 10:35pm.

Goals for tonight:
1.Find a place to convert some money into Norwegian currency at the train station (I Hope) that is OPEN, so I can take the tram to my hotel.
2. SLEEP until 9am.

house audition

Yesterday I had my first European 'house' audition.
What they say in all the books and forums (what the fach/nfcs) is true.
You WILL get lost...at some point...in the building.

I was called at 2pm and there were 10 singers.
I showed up to the opera house at 1, (THANKFULLY have a friend that is Fest here who led me to the KBB office), met the nice woman in the office who gave me the general form to fill out--DOB, address, arias, etc.
I was then instructed to go to room 604a or something like that...to warm up with the pianist.
Well, I was on the "3rd" floor for the KBB, but the "6th" floor could only be accessed by walking across the 3rd and a HALF floor, which was half a staircase up, AND across the entire building so that basically I was in the OTHER building that is connected to the first building, and THEN go up to the 6th floor...kind of...and then down half a set of stairs and then I was at 604a.

The pianist asked what my music was...I never need to rehearse with them if they say they know the rep, and he did, but wanted to go through Zerbinetta---apparently for FUN...because he played it PERFECTLY , AND the opera house is DOING that show right now..so there is no reason why he would not have already coached that piece.

So..I sang through the entire thing..which was a nice warm-up, and then it was about 1:45 and I found my way downstairs (elevator directly down from where I was) to the "P" floor...which was where the stage was.

Don't ASK how I was supposed to know which closed door to go in when I got down to level P.
No sign for "stage" (in German), just a bunch of crew guys (they always look the same no matter WHAT country you are in, apparently)...who pointed at one of the closed doors.

So I walk in, and establish quickly that I"m on stage right, there are 6 chairs set up, and the stage manager has the order in which we will sing.

....aaaaand I'm last.
Number 10.

So I'm sitting. Kindof bored. (cue iPhone Sudoku and WordWarp games). At about the 6th person I got up and walked out to the back hallway, had some water, found a bathroom to do some lip trills in.
Come back.
Listen to the 7th and 8th.
Go outside again for the first aria of the 9th person, then they asked her for Pamina, and THEN it was my turn.

I was escorted onto the stage by the stage manager, my accompanist trailing behind with my music.
They told me where to stand on stage (which was REALLY far back...usually at US house auditions there is already a curtain down and you are standing in front of it...or, if you're using a set that's already existing you are somewhere in the middle or on the same level with piano. Anyway, it was UPstage by easily 20-25 feet to the edge of the stage.

Sang Blondchen, they asked for Queen. Sang queen...kicked some high F booty, and then- thank you very much, we will be in touch with your agent.

So--I know that it went well note-wise and presentation-wise.
Am I what they are looking for? Never know. Now I sit and wait.
Except that I DON"T sit and wait at all!
I got on a train BACK to Berlin (a new addition to the travel schedule, so I didn't use my Eurail pass for just a 36 Euro trip), and am back here for an audition this afternoon.
THEN comes the BIG travel day.
And by day I really mean 24 hours.
On a train.
To NORWAY.

I think it will be amazing and I'm really excited to see the entire trip from the window..well, plus be in a sleeper car from Copenhagen to somewhere in Sweden...but then see the frozen countryside for another....TWELVE hours...the next day.

It involves 4 train transfers that have all been plotted out with perfect (supposedly) timing for me...so here's hoping.

me.will.move.here

First of all, if you ever plan on doing a German audition tour and mostly correspond via email, you should know that the following exchange is normal and not considered 'pushy' or 'annoying'.

1. I write to them to request an audition and send materials along in the email.
2. They write to me saying thank you, how old are you, have you sung XYZ role (which, yes, was listed on my resume)
3. I answer saying how old I am, yes I have sung the role and I'd love to audition for them.
4. They write to me saying can I come on Feb.16th at 3.
5. I write to them confirming Feb.16th at 3.

(This all occurred by Feb.1 at the latest)..and here I am, thinking I'm all set...

but no--

6. I decide to write them a "hello, I've arrived and this is my cell number" email when I got here (13th), and say I'm looking forward to the 16th.

7. Fast forward to this morning- phone call at 9:30 am saying ..you didn't email us yesterday to confirm for today, so we weren't sure you were coming.

Uhhh---yes? I am? Have we not discussed this 6.5 times? And was it not all settled by step 3?
Could you even IMAGINE a US company confirming and reconfirming auditions for 600 young artists?

Ok, yes, there were fewer people here--BUT it WAS three days of auditions, about 10 people an hour.


Oh yes...10. Even though every singer got about 10 minutes.
Let's talk about that.

SO.
I show up to the audition at 2 (my time was 3). I had been warned that I would wait around if I showed up late, so I decided early was better.
I filled out a sheet that asked me how many centimeters tall I was, and for the LIFE of me I couldn't remember how many cm were in a yardstick...I THOUGHT it was a meter...so, 100, right?
Somehow I convinced myself of that, and with MY math skills of cross multiplication came up with 176.
Now...I use 175 for skis...so I was PRETTY sure that I was wrong.
So then I didn't put anything lest they think my answer of 176 was amazonian.
And here I am at 5'3 and a half.

There were about 4 pissed singers there that hadn't realize we were ALL told to show up at 3, and we were all filling out this form as fast as possible to hand it in and get a 'number' order in which we were to sing in.

They were already late from the 2pm group, so...when I arrived at 2pm, I got number 17.
Yep, 17 auditions about 8-10 minutes long.

Fast forward to 4:45--that's when I sang.

The singers in the hall were a mixed bag, but Germans were actually the MINORITY!
3 Americans, 3 russians, one Pole, 1 Spanish, 1 Brit, and 2 Germans.
The language of communication became Italian, because for some reason the Polish lyric soprano and the Russian (born there, living in Spain), spoke fluent Italian, the 2 other Americans spoke better Italian than German, and so somehow through broken Italian, German and English, we all managed to wait around together.

At first the attitude was competitive and secluded, but as we each had over 2 hours to wait it became clear that if we didn't start talking to each other we would all go crazy.

So. The audition.
Go in, show the accompanist my rep, announce myself and my piece (DurchZ), sing.
It was a nice long room with a little stage set up, the auditors were about 20 feet away, and I did well with that piece.
They chose Una Voce 2nd...again, went really well plus the F at the end (duh)...

AND THEN- began the feedback and questioning in German.
O.
M.
G.

Now, peoples.
Der die das?
Flew OUT of my head.
I actually understood a MAJORITY of what they were saying and asking such as:
Where did I sing the Blonda. My voice is bla bla bla, the acting is bla bla bla, etc...
WHY do I want to sing in Germany. What other agents have I sung for so far. Has anyone sent me on any auditions.

I answered NOT like a complete idiot, but it went something like this in my head:

Jeezus H. how do I conjugate this verb in the plural (vous) form?
I think "Audition" is "Der". sure.
Uhh...ok, now I've moved onto using no articles or declensions and I will just say all the words together and hope they put it together by association.
So basically it was like.
Me. Sing. Repertoire. Germany. Love. German and French Coloratura Repertoire. That. Is. My. Type. Because. USA. More Italian. Bigger. Repertoire. Me. Will. Move. Here. Fest. Guest. Work.

The whole time they DID understand what I was saying..and obviously it was more put together than that--but HEY! For my FIRST TEN MINUTE speaking and understanding session with an agent...it was fiiiine.

So- the conclusion of the audition was the following:
They like me.
They want to send me to some middle-of-nowhere town on the NORTH SEA to audition for Fest contract that includes in the upcoming season Rosina, Blondchen, Sophie and others...
soooo we'll see.
They even had me sign a piece of paper (thank GOD I could understand what was on it and I didn't agree to some freaking exclusive contract or something)..that said THIS agency was sending me on an audition for THAT house and it would be set up via phone tomorrow.

Whew.
That was fun.

Onto tomorrow (today).

Berlin-Leipzig

Hello from snowy Leipzig.

I spent the day mostly inside in Berlin because it was snowing from the top but on the street it was freezing rain. I ventured out for an AMAZING lunch of middle-eastern food from the section of town that really knows what it's talking about.
Falafel sandwich for 2.50Eur...enough to feed two. So money baby. And you didn't even know it.

In the evening I had my FIRST Eurail pass experience!
Yes, I bought a 15 ride pass to be used to and from anywhere in Europe, over 2 months.

At approximately 4:49 (after gorging myself on Hummus) I arrived at the Berlin Hbh, found the track number (1), three flights down, ran with my CARRY ON suitcase, and boarded the train at 4:55, with a prompt departure time of 4:58.

One hour and nine minutes later I arrived in Leipzig to meet a 'school friend' (from our Master's degree years), who is singing in a Fest contract here.

Even though we haven't kept in the best of touch over the year and a half he has been abroad, it was like no time passed at ALL (except for news of engagement and upcoming marriage that I had no idea about!).
I almost forgot how laugh-out-loud funny he is, and I'm glad that he has agreed to host me on my one or two (haven't decided yet) days in town.

Tomorrow I have my first "european agent audition"...which really is nothing different (I suppose) than any other audition I've ever done.

Bring my materials, bring my rep, wait around, sing...only difference is I will probably get immediate feedback.
I think it will be fun to see what a first impression someone gets from me and how they tell me while I'm standing right in front of them--not with a filter of an email, a follow up call a month later for feedback, or even some sort of form letter....or, as is common in the states...no feedback at all.

I'm feeling good and still excited about everything so far.
Auditions are shaping up, I feel healthy (knock on wood), I am still in awe of my suitcase skilzz every time I close that baby up and navigate my way outside to the Ubahn, Sbahn, bus, tram and train.

The one thing I know I'm missing out on a bit is being a 'tourist'.
Yes, I have the "let's go Germany" book, and I DO want to see things...but the pressure is on to stay healthy, not be in the cold for too long, and not wander about while important emails or phonecalls could be received at the other end inviting me to some end of the continent or other.

I'm keeping a lower profile than usual but I hope that with more time and experience with travel everything will become more routine and I'll have time to explore and feel ok about spending it outside walking around in the freezing cold--not worrying about how many Ricola I have left.

berlin day 2

The performance last night of Cassandra/Elektra was exactly what I needed as an "introduction", or, RE-introduction to Germany after 2 years...last time when I lived in Munich I blogged for the entire summer about the amazing and sometimes euro-trashy Munich Opera Festival productions...and now I feel right back at home with new insanity, crazy staging, and in your face singing.

I knew that night was going to be interesting when the stage opened on a male chorus painted white and wearing suits--I mean face, hair, everything.
Then when the set opened to reveal a blood-soaked soprano wielding an axe--it just got better from there.

There was a King painted red, a PIT of cork and rubber pieces that made up the entire staging for Electra, bodies (rubber/decapitated) being thrown through a chute-like contraption 20 feet above the pit of black and gray cork.

Sadly, I can't offer my i-pic-a-day photo today...because...I haven't really brought my iphone anywhere with me, nor have I turned it on. I'm still a bit nervous about the data transfer EVEN though the nice man at customer service assured me that if I only use wifi mode that it shouldn't charge me.
Not taking chances.


This morning I woke up around 6am EVEN though I only went to bed after midnight..AND I had to sing in a competition that I had to show up for at 9:30am.
I was led to a warm-up room, had about 25 minutes to warm up before my pianist showed up, we sang through 3 songs, I was led into the room to sing for the panel, and they asked for Queen after Chacun.

The German went by a bit too quickly for me to understand EVERYTHING they were saying to me, but it still went well...and so I'll hear if I hear..and if not...then I won't and I'll consider it my first 'audition' here that went well.

SO tired right now, and am going to see another opera this evening--perhaps a 40 minute nap is in order.

OH. And then I spent the afternoon being a tourist in Mitte.
More on that and 'impressions of Berlin' later.

Hallo!

(My view at about 8am Deutschland time/2am my time...at the tail end of a 9 hr flight with NO sleep).

Well, I managed to not fall asleep on the airplane for nine hours, because who can go to sleep..ON a plane no less, at 8pm at night?
I even put in earplugs AND used a mask to make it dark--but alas...no sleep.

I arrived in chilly Berlin, didn't have to wait for my suitcase because it was CARRY ON!, made it to my first crashing destination in about 20 minutes (7 stops on a direct bus), and spent the day catching up with a friend, relaxing, AND seeing Cassandra/Electra at Deutsche Oper.

O.M.G.
I'm too tired to post about it right now (actually, I'm NOT tired, but that is scaring me, because I ONLY napped for about an hour today, and so all in all I haven't slept in over 24 hours..except for one hour..hmmm)...So I really need to go to sleeeeep since I have to wake up and sing some arias around 9:30am tomorrow.

More to come via free wifi!

leavin' on a jet plane

My flight takes off at 7:45 tonight.
I had an early audition today, a lovely brunch/lunch, spent the afternoon relaxing, checking out travel websites, making sure my iphone won't charge me a million dollars when I try to turn it on in Europe, and basically doing the opposite of freak out about anything.

Even though just about EVERYTHING is up in the air here..I'm kind of ok with that.
I don't know where I'm staying past the 19th of February (and yes, I'm staying until March 22)--but maybe that's ok!

I think everything will work out.

I realized today that the one thing I DID forget was the cable for my camera-to-computer, so I think I'm going to start a project called iPic-a-day, in which I take an iphone picture of something and upload it.
This is contingent upon me being able to access free wifi after having turned off the roaming data charges on the phone, and also contingent upon any of the iphone pics actually looking decent (of course, not as good as a real camera, which I shall also be using).

And so with those few words...and my usual high expectations...
I'm off.

masters of packing unite

Check it out.
My red carry on suitcase, a little black day bag, and voila--
Just in case you need to know what's inside:

Big (lil') Red:
1 black leggings
3 dresses that go over leggings
1 pair of 7s
1 pair of hot black pants
1 Jlo-esque velvet PJ/workout(ha) outfit (sweatshirt and sweats)
2 warm sweaters (green and red)
4 shirts to wear under stuff: white, black, black, brown
1 audition outfit (black w/red trim)
1 pair black heels
---assortment of UNDIES and SOCKS (probably 1.5 week worth)
1 pair grey low boots
1 pair of uggs (that I'll be wearing most of the time so I'm not packing them or feeling the need to make sure they fit in the suitcase)
1 Upcoming-Opera score
1 Portfolio of "materials"- itinerary, 10 copies each of resume/Bio/Cover letters in English/German and 15 headshots.
Bare minimum amt. of toiletries, makeup, 1.4 oz lotions and such, hair thingies, 1 set of audition jewelry,
1 Lonely planet guide to Germany
1 Berlitz "German Vocabulary" book
1 pouch of WIRES (2 phone chargers, camera battery charger, camera,
1 Dual Volt mini-hairdryer

(I. RULE. AT. PACKING.)
All that and it's not ridiculously heavy OR overstuffed.

In the day bag (right now)- subject to re-arrangement depending on where I'm going and for how long:
1 pair shiny blue heels
1 Audition dress (blue/white)
1 pair stockings
Hat, Scarf, gloves, audition binder.

AND in my purse (which is big enough to fit a binder, but not too much of a 'sac'/bag"
Macbook, eurail pass, wallet, passport, headphones, iphone, german cell phone, sour altoids, pitch pipe.

TADA!

(what am I forgetting?)

a whole bunch of auditions

Getting ready to begin a whole month and a half long of auditions.

I actually like auditions usually--unlike most singers who would just rather do what they do onstage during a performance and feel a weird pressure to compress themselves into a 7-10 minute version of themselves as an artist.

Of course, I do feel like sometimes I'm compressing myself into that 7-10 minutes (preferably 10-12 if they hear any part of Zerbinetta plus another aria...ha)...

And I think that I play a good 'game' about how to present myself, with what repertoire I choose, and why.

For example- audition today for a large festival.
Well, I go to the website, and see who is cast in this summer's operas. What kind of voices they are taking for what kind of roles.
Ahh----yes, normal (to my eyes) casting of the -ina/ettas (not some full lyric or famous person singing the cutesy roles.
And what about next year's rep? Well a quick glance ahead reveals some Mozart with more of those soubretty roles that could be sung by just about any voice type as long as they act well, look great, and possibly have some international buzz about them (at least that's what I see from this year's list).

So. I have a choice.
I can either start right off with the Zerb, which yes, puts me in my own category of "high/crazy" that I love...however--may not show them that I have a middle and low that can be negotiated IF they were to consider me for an -ina/etta role.
Or I can start out with DurchZ which is inherently coloratura because of the high notes and runs but deceptively shows a cute character, something that could be thought of as the same as a Zerlina/Despina/Marie, etc...

Of course, choice 2 prevails, and I still offer the Zerb so they see it's on my list along with other mostly coloratura stuff that's harder to cast all the time.

How did today go?

Well--I THINK well...I FELT good about it (high notes, shaping of phrases, maybe the one low E was a little less supported than I wanted, fun to act, etc)..but I think I've lost a bit of the ability to tell since I am more involved in the performance (a good thing) and less involved in everything else that gets in the way (a good thing also).

If there was something WAY out of the ordinary that I could hear as I was making the 'mistake'...then yes, I'd know..(and I would HOPE that would never happen unless I was sick and singing...always a bad idea, and caught me ONCE off guard this past fall)

But otherwise (for better or for worse) I think I've built up this repertoire so much that my level of singing is always on par with where I want it to be and where it should be OR higher.

Sure, I got off of a plane yesterday and was more tired/dry throat-ed (?) than usual...but I don't THINK that made a difference.

I had fun.
AND they picked a new-(-er) aria for my 2nd piece which I think is just gorgeous and magical and, well, FAIRY-like...

So hopefully some magic fairy dust will rub off on me for this one or the next however many are upcoming in my travels.

back in a flash

And just like that I'm back in NYC for a night.

Same apt., same takout (pineapple fried rice and spicy crunchy salmon roll)--they still had my number, address and credit card in their records, same bed, and same 'routine' :
Try to fall asleep early (FAIL), wake up early, shower, warm up after 9:30am, get ready for audition, and head out!

Next I'll be attempting to pack for Europe for 5.5 weeks in a carry on suitcase.

Watch OUT for my SKILLZZZ.

Full list of included items to be announced shortly.

gone baby gone

Tonight's last performance was so much fun! Great energy, new laughs, and then it was time for the bittersweet parting...
Saying goodbye to a cast that you are not so sure when you will see or work with next.
Knowing that even though I have SO much energy right now that I still have to wake up, throw everything that I have left into the suitcase, return the rental car, get to the airport, and get on an airplane trip that will really cement the close of this gig.

It's times like these when I sometimes wish I DID have a place in NYC--that way I know that I'd at least see everyone when they came through the city for auditions, or to perform, hang out, or even live.

But I still don't live anywhere...and as Peter Pan says--I'll never grow up never grow up never grow uuuuuup, not me....not I!

No, I think I will. It's just not time to really move anywhere permanent because...there's no reason to--yet! And who knows if NYC will really be my final destination--after all, I AM about to embark on a European journey that may just lead to a new home somewhere else for a little while.

Of course, there are always my "25 things" (see side bar) to still fulfill---living in the city, living in the burbs, split a year in Paris, Munich and Milan....so---I'll still take being a hobo for a while until something pulls me in another direction.

On to the smaller, less complicated things---like, am I going to finish the M&M McFlurry I bought myself as a post-show treat and feel incredibly and overly full? Or will I learn how to say "NO" and attempt to go to sleep without a tummy ache and a sugar high?

Hmm....the M&Ms are calling.

No. Must be strong.

g'nite. I think.

Last Performance

Tomorrow night (well, tonight really, since it's 1:10am) is our last performance.
How do I feel after 7 and before the 8th show?
Still as fresh and excited about it as day one.
Of course, now it feels a bit more routine and we've settled into a rhythm on stage--which we now can work with, around, and inside out of.

Even MORE fun!

All in all, for a debut with a new company in a new role, I'm really happy with my time here. I'd be happy to do the role again (and next time beg again for the aria to not be cut, and probably get my hopes dashed once again...oh well), because I find a lot of humor and humanity in the show.

It's not just slapstick funny and it's not just a little kid's fairy tale.


Not much else to write besides updating those long lists of things that I need to do before I leave the country...which I have not done.

What I HAVE done is pack the big checked suitcase up, and try to pack as little into the carry-on that I'll be converting into my 5 week closet next week.

That's a start....with about 36 hours before I actually get on an airplane to cold NYC.....right?

One Week

In one week and about seven hours I'll be on an airplane to Europe.
In between now and then I still need to:

Sing 2 operas, hang out with my family who is coming to visit and hear the final performance, return my rental car (hopefully scratch-less from the insane drivers in this city), pack, get on an airplane, arrive in NYC at 8pm on Sunday, get to my previous-apt. which I can thankfully still crash at anytime I want, wake up on Monday without "airplane voice", sing an audition at noon, return upstate, unpack, repack (for 5.5 weeks in a carry on suitcase because that's how I roll), take another train back to NYC, voice lesson, sleepover at best friend's apt, audition, sleep over at previous-apt., audition, GET TO AIRPORT on time and get on a plane!!!

I also still need to make photocopies of music, print out maps of where I'm supposedly staying/going/traveling in Europe, make sure that my camera is charged...
Speaking of which, I REALLY REALLY wish that I could bring myself to buy the coveted CANON RebelXSi camera that I've been eying for so so long...because this would be a perfect trip to have it.

Hmm...last minute purchase? Yikes! I'm so tempted.


But getting back to where I am now, and not one week from now---
I've had an amazing time during this production. Really great colleagues that I can now call good friends...and not just on facebook! This show has been so much fun. Great music, fun stage-work, easy singing, and it doesn't hurt that the beautiful beach is about 7 minutes away.

Tonight we have a new conductor for our 2 final performances since we are in a secondary location. So it will be a whole new show again. I'm excited, of course, because I know it will add yet another element of 'new' into the performance tonight.
That plus the fact that last time we performed was five days ago!

Off to find some breakfast (at noon), and then get ready for show #7.

backwards procrastination

For some reason the most impending music-learning is always the last thing I am really interested in practicing or learning day-to-day.

Instead, I've been reading about and listening and looking into original materials that make up 2010-#2-opera that I have exactly a year from now to learn and start to put onstage.

In advance of my upcoming trip overseas, I find myself in the unlucky position of having to kill a few trees and make many photocopies of every single aria that could possibly be asked for while I'm abroad and auditioning.

It's not enough to have the 6 that I always offer (plus the other 6 in the binder that I could just as easily offer)...I'll have to add about 10 or so--the secondary arias from roles that I've done completely, the lesser known repertoire that is not asked for as often in the US, but may be of interest over there, the soubrett-y roles that I could easily sing if asked, and definitely have learned, but have no reason to offer in auditions because I have better starter-aria choices.
However...they all may be asked for....for ANY reason...and so, I'm taking them with me.

What I should probably ALSO take is a zipdrive with everything as a PDF (now that would really be an undertaking)...in case I need extra music, lose something along the way, or just don't feel like carrying all of that paper about.

I'm HOPING to take just one aria binder (I know this will turn into 2, 1inch binders)...and also upcoming operas 1-3...but MAYBE (and this is depending on how badly I feel for the environment or how bored I get at the photocopier), JUST the pages that I sing in? I know, I know..that's horrible. But I'm familiar enough with all of the shows that just having my own music would be terribly helpful, and not such sacrilege ...and really for the second two it's about recit. Which I can do without music...I'll need something to study on those long train rides.

Oh yes, speaking of long train rides, I settled on a Eurail pass. 15 days within 2 months- unlimited countries. I'll only be there for 5.5 weeks, so that means that even if I go roundtrip to Amsterdam, Paris, Vienna, and Zurich, I still have enough rides to get from Berlin to Leipzig to Dusseldorf to Munich and back to Berlin.

So there it is.
I'm excited, but haven't even thought about it since I still have 2 performances here, PACKING, unpacking, voice lesson, auditions in NYC, repacking, not forgetting anything, and getting on an airplane!

break

So, including dress rehearsal, we have performed this show 7 times in 9 days.
That's quite a bit of singing, a lot of energy given and received on stage, and in general, pretty much of a whirlwind kind of week and a few days.

Tonight was the last of those performances that were "in a row-ish", and now we get to sit pretty until THURSDAY night, our next performance.

I don't know WHAT I'll do with myself.
We do have a brush-up musical rehearsal on Tuesday, but in the meantime--a whole 5 days to ..what?
Learn other music? I suppose that would be a GOOD choice.
Go to the beach? Well, it's chilly here and unless this cold front moves on, that would be a bust.

I started packing today.
Even though I"ll be here for another 9 days.
There are certain things I know I won't wear again, I won't need again, or that I can just put in the suitcase no matter what, and if I do need to dig it out, it will be on the top.

I did a bit better than usual with my outfits this time. I think I only didn't wear about 5 shirts, and both pairs of capri pants that I brought.
That's pretty good. I wore all of the shoes, worked out a whopping TWO times and did use my gym clothes and sneaks.

There are two scores for summer-roles that I brought that I haven't cracked open (there is still time, though!), I have looked at upcoming-score a lot, and otherwise I don't think I have that much "stuff".

It's sad and exciting to begin to slowly put things away here.
It means I know it's almost over, and I can start looking forward to the next adventure, but it also means that I've gotten to a point here where I'm comfortable and having fun, and just being in the moment on stage, hanging out with new friends, and living up these last days of performance both on stage and off.

so maybe taco bell at 1:30am wasn't the best idea

I have NEVER eaten at taco bell before. In my LIFE.

But last night after the show I was ravenous. Well, I'm always ravenous after the show.
But usually I can contain myself slightly and eat whatever is in the fridge instead of purposely stopping at a fast food place that's on the way home.
Ok, that is a total lie. There have been at least 4 evenings in this past month that I've gotten a spicy chicken sandwich from Wendy's after a particularly long evening rehearsal. NOT the meal. Just the sandwich. Protein, right?

But taco bell? Never. Well, with friends in town that ended up hanging out for about an hour after the show, and no food in the fridge because I haven't bought groceries in 2 weeks (except healthy things like apples and lettuce...and who wants THAT at 1am?)...we all decided to DRIVE THRU Taco Bell at 1:30am last night.

So after half of a chicken burrito and some mildly warm cheez-whiz-gelatinous-yellow substance with unsalted chips, I was feeling nice and full.

That plus half a bag of sour patch kids earlier in the evening will just about do it to any system--
Wake up feeling like your voice bla, your throat is bla, and there's no flu or rhino-virus to blame for it.

I know the health rules and the better choices, but it's difficult when my days and nights almost get flipped because of performance schedule.

Having enough energy onstage from 8-11pm means having extra energy until 3 or 4am, waking up at 11 or 12, lolling about, and only eating one meal that's probably not so substantial because I'm just not that hungry before a show.

So now I have 8 hours to be good and get back to normal.
Water, tea, maybe some eggs for breakfast (at 1pm), warm up around 5 and then off to performance number 6!

zen and the art of....singing

I had a most relaxing day off today which included going to the beautiful beach with great big waves crashing over my head, playing Matkot (that's, I think paddle ball? with the two wooden racket thingies and the little black rubber ball?)..I only know the name for it in the other language from over on the Mediterranean, where I used to play it as a child,... and hanging out with some of the cast members for a few hours.

Being in the waves, under the waves, and letting my body just be pulled by nature---all brought about a pretty calming feeling of "everything is supposed to work out and be good in life...if you work to make it so".

I'm feeling pretty calm about things right now, even though it would be easy for me to be flustered and crazed.

What with no specific daily schedule for the next 5.5 weeks except that I'll be "somewhere in Europe, most likely Germany"...

No Eurail pass bought (yet)..still holding out between buying the totally unlimited one or the limited one (it's a 300 dollar difference so I SHOULD just buy the unlimited one....I THINK?)

No reservations made....anywhere....because I'm HOPING and wishing that I will be in places where I have singer and director friends to crash.

No guide books, no printouts of maps from google, no repertoire lists...

I have time to do that all (in my 4 days between the end of this production and leaving) right?

Well, I think so.
And I"m feeling very centered and good about going over there, presenting my repertoire which I truly love and would love the opportunity to perform...anywhere..., and seeing what happens.

4 more performances here...which are still going very well, are fun, and almost routine now- although there is always something new every night from props to costumes to new looks and near-laugh-out-loud moments just to keep us all on our toes.

too much google for my own good

A trail of google-ing (that began with a facebook update, moved to firefox, and about three pages later--voila), led me to see that a certain role that I auditioned for this past fall has been cast.
I wasn't specifically waiting to hear about it, but I did think that I gave a good audition, and I was hoping. As I do for every mainstage and young artist audition, that I'll be the one they pick.
We all know the odds of that, and they're not high.

But this role...this role is what I really want to sing in full and is what I think will be one of the roles in my repertoire that really fits me like a glove and is a standout from the rest of the repertoire.

Disappointing, yes, but what can I do? I wasn't the one chosen. For whatever reason (I'm going to make the reason the fact that the production I'm already doing would have overlapped by 4 days with the rehearsal period anyway)....it isn't me, and so here is how I deal with the feelings so far.

1. Huh. Well THAT sucks.
2. Let's go back to my audition notes and see how I felt about it. Awesome.
3. Has the person they cast sung this role in its entirety before? (google). Is THAT the reason?
4. Are they simply a bigger name that I am? (google).
5. Does their agent know the artistic director?- is the conductor on the same roster or something? (google)
6. Ok then. Why not me? Looks? Height? Weight? Vocal weight? Vocal color? (google pics, google mp3s)
7. No answers, only more information that is not making anything better.
8. A few hours spent in quiet, mixed with a bit of self-pity and annoyance.
9. A few hours spent with brain spinning- well, then, what do IIIII do next that will be different and better?

And the answer?

Oh you know--everything
-- from googling what other companies have that show in their season in the next 2-3 years
--to deciding that once and for all I'm going to make sure that I have the entire thing memorized because, HEY! maybe THIS one will be that EinSpring that I so hope for in Europe
--to making sure that the crazy opera that I know that really really hard and high aria from that only about 4 other people sing is KNOWN to a certain big-ole opry house that has the opera listed on its upcoming productions in the next 3 years....and maybe ...JUST maybe that could somehow be a giant step into another house level if someone in the 'know'...knew.

The bottom line is, yes, I'm disappointed. But it's only detrimental to me if I stay in that state. Instead, I take the information, process it, and try to do something proactive about what I can do differently, better, best, next time.

issues

So THAT'S why I was so tired yesterday.
So THAT's why I inexplicably had to get up out of bed at 2am to eat 3 pieces of Lindt chocolates given to me on opening night.
So THAT's why I felt the sudden urge to stop at Walgreen's on the way back from the show to get Jalapeno Cheddar Pringles.
So THAT's why I ate those cheddar pringles followed by tortillas and guacamole, followed by grilled cheese and tomato on pumpernickel, followed by frozen thin mints (many more than just the 4 cookie serving size).--followed by the late night chocolate binge.

And So THAT'S why.
That is all I have to say about that.
Oh, and also that thank goodness I only feel like a crazy hormonal eating machine for about a day and a half. I'd also like to thank the gods of scheduling and the lunar cycle for deciding to torture me this time around not on opening night.

Guess there was good reason for wanting to steal a baby or adopt a puppy yesterday..and love it and squeeze it and hold it forever and ever.



Moving on.

Other issues that I will soon write about after I go get some more thin mints:
Self-Imposed-Censorship and blogging

Ok, back with a roll of frozen thin mints.

Now then.
If you REALLY wanted to try and figure out who I am, you probably could.
I began this blog as actually a locked "livejournal" (when that website was still cool and blogger didn't exist), meaning, I locked each post. It was literally just an online diary that no one else could read.
One day I forgot to lock a post, and I received a comment on my writing. Something probably about an audition or something about technique.
Thanking me for my view, and directing me to another blog, where someone of similar schooling level was also writing about the experience of trying to 'be an opera singer'.
And so what was a private and honest and cleansing exercise in writing, venting, forming, creating, reacting, thinking, guessing, trying---turned into something a bit more public.
Sharing.
Sharing all of the above.

Sharing the ride. The ups, downs, trials, triumphs, and everything in between.

This evening I found out a colleague of mine removed a post from a blog.
The colleague had good reason to post it in the first place--- honest feelings and reactions to a performance.
The colleague also had good reason to remove it--- honest feelings and reactions to a performance.

Writing in a public arena, albeit for ourselves and sometimes an anonymous but musically or operatically inclined/informed public, means that it's not just me and my locked diary.

What does it mean to be 'anonymous' here and also have the understanding that this is a very small world we live in, and is constantly getting smaller? And within the already small world, is an even smaller group of people that are singers, administrators, agents, opera fans, friends and family--who may stumble upon this site for any number of reasons---?
One blog to the next, a google search for "Zerbinetta's aria translation", word of mouth (otherwise known as email or text)...

It means that I think about what I write here. It is honest and what's on my mind.
But it's not everything. It can't be. I don't know of anyplace except for in my mind that everything could be felt and said.
Certainly not written--in one of those yellow-paged journals from the turn of the century that you can find 100 years later at a flea market, and buy for ten dollars because you're impressed with the penmanship.

Plus, I have really bad handwriting and was never taught cursive.

catch-up

I think the time has come in these 4 out of 5.5 weeks that I'll be here, where the lack of general sleep is catching up with me.
Last night I went to sleep at my 'normal' 3am-ish.
After watching what is turning out to be one of the greatest BBC miniseries that a friend of mine has introduced me to on netflix- the Forsyte Saga- until about 2:45am.

I KNEW I had to wake up early today to drive north. I knew that. Really.
But it didn't matter. I wasn't "tired".
Well, after waking up and feeling like death around 8am, sleeping until 8:40, rushing around, leaving without eating, stuffing a few pieces of sushi in my mouth around 11:30 before the coaching, singing the coaching (which went very well except I was feeling a bit vocally bla from everything, including 2 performances and dinners and hang-outs and opening night parties, etc), and driving back and wanting so badly to just crawl into bed, I held out until 10pm..because I knew if I took a nap, I'd wake up at midnight and be fresh as a daisy.

So. It's 10:08. I'm exhausted. And I ACTUALLY think that if I turned this little box of magical internetsss OFF right now, that I WOULD fall asleep.

Will I actually do that? Or find some amazing new website or blog or google-ninja path to follow for the evening?
Let's start by pressing "Publish Post", and see where that takes me.

matinee

Yesterday we had our second performance with sort of a second cast (only one role is double cast in this production).
I woke up way too early for no good reason and was feeling super tired, but got around to reviving myself with some clementines and hummus (not eaten together!) before the show, plus some chocolate from opening night that is always evil-ly lying around in the dressing room.

Everything went well again, except that again, I seem to somehow step into the hem of my dress every time I have some sort of fall onstage, and my shoe gets stuck for a second.
By the end of yesterday's performance I had about 8 safety pins replacing where the sewing line should have been at the hem. Unnoticeable because of the lace ruffle on top, but still, not ideal.
And the arm's eye ripped again.

AND I picked up food off of the stage floor and ATE it (after it fell, thankfully did NOT travel all the way to the orchestra section)---but that's just part of being flexible with whatever happens on stage.
Plus, it was a croissant. I wasn't complaining! :)

I think everyone breathed a sigh of relief when the show was over because the next-day-matinee is really something you have to rally for.
Energy, voice, tiredness, everything is affected by what happens on opening night, how much sleep you get, how many donors you talk to at the after-party, etc.

Today is our 'day off', but instead of going to the beach, I'm driving a bit north of here to do a morning coaching on some upcoming rep for the summer.

I know I won't overextend myself vocally, but being awake at 8am after two days of excited energy and little sleep is just a tad painful right now.

yayyyyy....it was the day of the show y'all!

Opening night---I had so much fun!

Things to remember:

-I ripped the dress a bit in both armholes- wow, my poses must be REALLY dramatic.

-At some point in the climb on the table scene a stray fork got stuck somewhere in the ruffles of my dress, and therefore in the fall OFF chair continuation of the scene, a fork went careening into the cello section. Thank the LORD it didn't hit any instrument or eye--apparently there were laughs in the orchestra, and the conductor didn't even realize it! Whew.

-I forgot ONE sigh. UGH.

It felt like I was in the moment, having fun, jumping around, concentrating, and loving what was going on at every second.

Bring on the matinee tomorrow!



-

final dress

Still waiting for my director to email me notes about tonight's performance, but I think tonight's dress went personally well--of course something NOT good did have to happen just so things wouldn't go perfectly, and my not good things were costume and wig related:

1. completely entangling myself in some lacy ruffle of the dress, which ripped and then dragged my left character shoe into while I was either :
a. climbing onto the table
b. falling off the chair onto the table or
c. swinging feet on the table

and
2. Hearing the pins as they slipped out of my wig and onto the stage as it teetered atop my head in addition to the the spirit gum which was also useless as I was sweating so ridiculously from running around in the first 20 minutes of the show.

Otherwise- I was actually vocally a bit tired, but I still tried to give it all, making sure I wasn't doing anything that I'd regret for opening tomorrow night.
I sang a lot already today (probably not the best idea, but I had to record some art songs for an upcoming competition), but hate to give less than what I can, especially during the last run with the orchestra.

We had an invited audience, and it's always interesting to see the things that get laughs...and we had everything from belly laughs to giggles to clapping in new places, which all of us adjusted well to (especially when you can figure out what key your recit begins in after an aria because you can't hear the harpsichord!)

I'm tired, and it's EARLY for me to be tired.
A few more emails, blogs, some facebook time, and then maybe I'll head to sleep.

Tomorrow is a light day- a late lunch with friends and then leisurely head over to the theater in the evening. MAYBE, just maybe, the beach in the morning, if the weather is cooperative.

I'm excited for what is a super-fun show to be involved with!

24

No, not the tv show with Jack Bauer, agent extraordinaire, the
a. number of minutes I worked out at the gym for today.
b. number of hours before I'll have to be thinking about taking a shower and warming up before leaving for the theater for opening night tomorrow.
c. number of days--ok, I can't think of what's happening in 24 days--let's see what iCal says: number of days before I'm on a train from Berlin to Leipzig for an audition.


But mostly A.
Even though the other 2 choices are true as well.

So lame, but I had to do SOMETHING. So much for new year's resolutions!

um.

Tonight someone mentioned something during dinner about a certain aria in a certain upcoming opera that will be sung a step down.

I can't elaborate any more because I know more about the background situation and why such a thing is occurring.

However.

This is THE crowning aria of the piece.

And while I want to try and be understanding about the entire situation...it's really hard to hear that, because the piece is already such a rarity in the repertoire due to it's vocal requirements for both of the leading male and female roles.
And it being a role that I've sung before and all, well that just makes it tougher to swallow.

In addition to the fact that yes, I know divas o' the day could do whatever they wanted like move Lucia up a 3rd, or do the original version in F for the mad scene if they had high notes for days, or yes, even move things down because the rest of the role fit and the aria didn't....what about the musical integrity?

Why was that key originally chosen if not to showcase the voice in a certain way that requires leggiere singing?
What about the theme reiteration in the next scene after the aria?
What about the rest of the pianissimo high notes and fioratura?
What about the overture theme?

I'm bummed not because I'm not the one singing the role, but because the more houses may accommodate these key changes because they want a certain name or voice to sing a certain role, the less that role becomes a vocal specialty, something that I and I'm sure many others with that facility work very hard to excel at.
And of course, who will know? Probably not many outside the process.

Basta. Had to write it to get it out.
Onward.
Final dress is tomorrow night and I'm looking forward to renewed energy after this day off.

day off

We had our first full rehearsal with orchestra tonight, which always adds yet another level of energy/consciousness/newness to any performance.
The level that was stripped away was the costumes and makeup that we got last night (although I still had my crazy wig because it's heavy and we had to "practice" with them!).

Doing the show in jeans and character shoes just doesn't compare to last night with full dress, pantaloons, corset tops, etc. But it was still exciting to find new things--most recently a laugh that I've incorporated to the character, and also a new way to play with the fact that my wig is about as heavy as a 10 month old baby.

Ok, not THAT heavy, but still. I let it now dictate more of my movement, more of my leanings, and more of the way I carry myself.

Tomorrow- a full day off. It's been pretty freezing here so I don't get to take advantage of the weather and go to the beach.

I'm sure I could find SOMETHING to keep myself occupied--say, oh, memorizing UPCOMING-ROLE?!?!?!

That or shopping. Tough call.

it's official

For a grand total of $451 dollars (plus 20 bucks to the agency) I'll be flying nonstop to Berlin in a few weeks to spend 5.5 weeks auditioning.

Take THAT orbitz and airlineconsolidator and expedia and nwa and all the other sites I checked before calling up my 2nd cousin 3 times removed who works for a travel agency!!!

What do I have lined up so far?
Auditions for a few agents in some of the major cities, a competition or two, and still waiting to hear about house auditions.

What's my super secret hope?
Well, not only that I'll have a great time, get to travel, visit friends, remember my German, kick butt at auditions, etc. etc.- but that somehow what happened to me 2 years ago will happen again--that is, Einspring--- a last minute call from a friend of a friend of a friend who has a colleague that just got sick and is supposed to sing tomorrow night/tonight and have I done the role and how fast can I get to the theater?

It would be like- "heeeere I come to save the daaaaay"

Hey, it could happen!!

First Costume/Makeup Dress rehearsal

Hurray! I didn't trip over MY dress, didn't trip over T's dress, didn't trip over C's dress, and overall, didn't fall on my butt tonight--first day in costumes and wigs and makeup.

Things went well for me tonight- I think I incorporated as many notes and changes as possible as I was directed to over the past week, and over all- I had FUN!

The photographer was there tonight so while we were trying to pay attention to the conductor and the piano we could hear the shutter flashing away. No flash though.
But of course hearing the click click click makes you think you're in a photo shoot---

"you're a MONKEY Derrick!"
--pose, and pose...Madonna, Madonna, Madonna-and Vogue.

At any rate, I was making sure that my wig wasn't slipping off of my head half of the time.
It was secure, but my hair is always so slippery and never holds anything, let alone a TWO foot tall wig with plastic FRUIT on it!

haha--it looks so amazing though.
I love the costumes in the show.

I think everyone is ready now.
Ready for the dress rehearsal with orchestra, ready to put this sucker in front of an audience--and we soon shall!

in 'awe' guration day 2009

Short of sending us on another mission to put a man on the moon, the new President has enumerated the tasks before us--to restore the values that this country was built upon, and to be forward thinking in our aims and reaches, both at home and internationally.

Anyone else up for it? I am.

Just seeing the approximately 1.4 million (and that's probably a low number) people on the Mall was inspiring, and a once-in-a-lifetime memory.



---
Tonight- first rehearsal with costumes, hair and makeup.

Hurray! (Except for the washing off the makeup at the end of the night and realizing that I did such a crap job of it that it's still on my face the next morning). Oh well. Some things never change.

667th post.

I have the day off today and had such high hopes for doing fun things.
Instead of sea kayaking (it's too cold and kind of overcast to be on the ocean right now), I decided to send out a zillion (yes, actually a zillion) emails.

Some in English, some in German, some in both, most with numerous attachments--regarding my impending wish to spend 6 weeks abroad in hopes of getting as many auditions as possible.

I began last night and continued this morning, going through the lists, sifting the people and places that I thought may have an interest in a person of my 'fach', and now I wait.

The difference is, now I think that I'm at a level in the US where I could request an audition from just about anywhere and have it granted. At least the hearing, of course not necessarily the hiring.

But in Europe first I have to get the agent to even hear me. And that's a no go if they have too many koloratursoprans in their roster, or if they know of no openings for the next year at houses.

I haven't bought the plane ticket yet, and even when I do, I'll certainly spend the extra 100 dollars to make sure that it's refundable, JUST in case I'm not as busy as I would hope to be.

But I really really hope that people start answering their emails!

Sitz

Hello from our first sitzprobe. I've been sitting here with trusty iPhone games and the internets while the parts are sorted, the sixteenth pickups are changed to eighths, the cuts are reiterated, and the orchestra gets a feel for what it's actually supposed to sound like instead of just playing fiiiive---onnnnneeee. Rest rest rest. Fiiiive-one.
It's always fun to hear the orchestra for the first time. It brings one more level of excitement to the upcoming performances. Another layer to work with and add to the already changing rehearsal process now that we are in the theater
What does that mean?
Well the first night of tech Is always a bit hectic
Are there railings on the 2nd floor entrance to the set? How steep ARE those stairs that were previously marked in purple tape on a black tarp?
Do I have enough time for the crosses and to cross behind the set?
Last night was the usual stop and start. But that's ok. It's part of the process. It makes me concentrate more instead of relaxing into the show like I may have these last few runs in the rehearsal room.
The theater, as always, is every temperature from hot under lights to freezing backstage. Always dusty but hey, I'm not complaining. I've learned that almost every morning after the first time in the theater I'll wake up stuffy or just feeling weird. And allergic to everyhing. And a week later it won't matter at all and will feel like we've been there the whole time.
Everything as usual for a first tech.
Backups slowdowns speedups and then on Tuesday I'm sure we will settle into a rhythm.
Now back to the music rehearsal- almost singthu of finale time!

final room run

This evening is the last run that we have before we move to the theater to begin tech and last week before the show opens!
I slept like crap last night, but I still have 4 hours to get it together before tonight.

One of my goals for this evening is to try and put the whole show into an arc.
Right now my head is thinking.
Opening, fall with intention, don't forget the recit, split 1/4 on the poses, split C on the final poses, exit, and then look in my score for the next entrance and review that recit speed-style.

And not in any frazzled way...it's just compartmentalizing--what I do best as a Libra. Until I let the total passion of it take over--which, I'm hoping will happen tonight. And if not completely tonight, then I know it will be once we move to the theater.

It would be so much nicer if I could think of the entire character. Where I'm starting, where I'm ending up, and every growth and movement in between as a big pool--or rather, ocean (extended metaphor since I'm near one)- where a wave starts out a tiny ripple and by the end with wind and weather and both external influences and internal 'natural' process, it gets to the other shore and crashes triumphantly, only to seep back into it's original point of starting, but now--having changed, and experienced something new.

non notes

Yes, it's 1:30am, surprise, surprise--I'm still awake!
I've exhausted the 'refresh your email' button on hotmail and gmail sufficiently over the past hour, I've updated my FB status about 7 times since 5pm, read the Times online, read all of the blogs on my list, written emails that needed to be sent out...pretty much the only thing I haven't done is bake a cake.

mmm, cake.

Notes 2

First. Note to self. No caffeine before runthrus!
Energy that is not naturally mine just doesn't work. I usually hate coffee but for some reasoni stopped at sb today
About an hour before rehearsal (where I am now-- yea iPhone)
I feel like I'm bouncing off the walls- on the inside. I'm focused but weirdly so.
Too much in my head too little in my body.
Things are both going in slow motion and passing me by too quickly at the same time

More notes- slower entrance. More vogue. Drop face on family portrait
Faster on all recit entrances
Motivate cross to d on high note and all the little 'oh's that build up to 'the' 'o'
Once more- face boobs turn out lean fall crawl
Slower and body burn on trill

One more quintet review and act ii notes and then I'll be left with only energy for the rest of the night
It may just be a legally blonde the musical kinda night around 2am again

notes

Not that this will make sense to anyone but myself, but here goes, because I have to think about it and get it out of my head before I attempt to fall asleep tonight.

ACTI-
-slower down steps while C is dream-dancing
-hit C with boa
-Madonna pose on each "Don" "Ra"
-Butt at 3/4 on dad's aria
-Baby Throw- more disinterest
-Bigger Coat movement
-Papaaaaa(flower, smile to frown)
-Boobs, arms, fall, crawl
-Mi fa male (xDSL of T), mi fa MA (pull T)

Act II-
Kick/Fall earlier on BASti, and not because I"m angry.
Fall R of Ctr. for whiny recit- stay there.
It's raining on my head and messing up my hair ...ie, "It's raaaining, on prom niiight, my hair is a meeeessss, it's ruuuning all oooover my taffetta dreeeess".
OMG who is that--isn't that...wait, what?
Prince?
Finale- not so far right, one step off stage then on.

First run-through-- as my good friend Borat would say---a great success...yesss...niiice, alaaaaaiiike.

Take 2 tomorrow.

in which the bloggy world gets a little smaller

Dinner with a current-colleague tonight reveals that we have both read the other singer's blog in the past year, and not known who the singer was!
Well, I COULD have since this singer isn't completely anonymous, but she was left to guess!
All was revealed over some brown rice, black beans, and chopped chicken--including the fact that our parents live about 10 minutes away from each other.
(We're trying to set up a blind date before the opening of the show!).
Mom, Dad- here is another set of mom and dad that have a singer for a daughter, Tawk amongst yourselves.

In a world where usually the extent of a relationship (in an opera 5.5 week rehearsal/performance situation) is usually- you're my new best facebook friend, it was nice to sit down to dinner, get to know someone, and talk about things like LIFE as a singer, and not just being a singer, or the show.

Sometimes people are just ok with being facebook friends and 'show-friends'- meaning, you hang out in rehearsals, you have some meals together during your time off for lunch or dinner, maybe you even go out on the town a few times during the production...and afterward the texts, fb messages and all communication otherwise dwindles--except for the obvious--omg, are you in NYC for auditions? We should totally hang!

But more often I like to keep in touch on a 'real' basis. Ok, yes, it MAY be through messaging on facebook, but HEY- I'm just not a phone person (except for the cool apps on my iphone), so my interweb-ninja self WILL be in touch, and hopefully it will be before we find out that we're cast in a production together in 2011 and have to do the awkward--omg, it's been soooo long, I should have been in better touch.

So, new blogger-buddy, and current-colleague, let's hope that we ARE both cast in something fabulous together in 2011 and that when we get there it'll be like no time passed at all!

pros and cons

Should I or shouldn't I?
After this production I"m going to have 6 weeks off.
The big question yet to be answered is will I go to Europe in hopes of doing auditions?

The issues:
Money, Timing, Probability that I'll get auditions/offers.
Money- don't have much of it now, but after this production I should have enough to finance the following:
Round trip to the cheapest city in Germany from NYC--maybe 600?
Unlimited Eurail Pass for a thousand smackers or so.
Audition fees, food, etc.
Housing: To be hopefully taken care of by GENEROUS friends and friends of friends.
Berlin- check, Leipzig- check, Hagen- check, Dusseldorf- check.
I'll totally youth hostel it up in any other places, or find cheap lodging as I always do and 'rough' it.
I THINK in total I would attempt to spend less than 3thou? I mean, the flight and Eurail alone would add up to close to 2.

I don't need to eat, right?

Ok, so that's money. I will have it.

Timing.
Yes, it's a 'good' time to go, according to most. Second to fall audition season which coincides with the American audition season.

Probability that I"ll get auditions.
Now this is where it gets tricky...maybe...maybe I'm overthinking it.

I THINK that what I should do is what most people do-
1. Get out that big list of all agents in Europe, send them an email or snail mail BY February 1st, say I'm coming over there from X to X date, and will they hear me.
2. Get out that big list of houses. Send THEIR KBB office an email requesting a house audition. Wait and see.

What I have:
My resume and bio and cover letter translated into German.

What I don't have:
What I don't have, really, is the knowledge to deal with 'what if' situations. ie- I have engagements in the next year, and IF I do this and IF I get some offer, WILL I be able to negotiate releases or should I not do it at all because releases aren't granted
?
Do I say that I have upcoming engagements? Do I leave it all open? What looks better? What looks like I WOULD want to move there for a year, IF given the chance and IF also given that release in the next year?
Do I audition for "studio" programs simply because I'm age-eligible (under 30 or in some cases 28) even though I'm 'mainstage' here?
Do I audition for EVERYTHING and just see?

I'm usually a more compartmentalized type of person for this type of venture. And these lingering questions that no one can really answer because no one that I know is really in this exact same situation...are not making it any easier to make a decision.

all done~ or, the beginning.

This afternoon the entire show was blocked.

So. Now I have all of these scribbles ...some in my score, most in my head...that I get to flesh out and make sense of for the next fourteen days.
A basic shape or flow, that I get to change things up in. From tempo to demeanor to stance to facial expression. And at the end of it all, all of my specific choices will make an arc for this character that hopefully will flow seamlessly from beginning to end.

Some of the challenges that I think about before going to sleep (as I go through as much blocking and speed-thrus in my head as possible) are:
-Avoiding being generally whiny and whinging.

I think I can avoid that by making my gestures more refined. Slower to gesture, but quick intellectually--means that I've been schooled in "how" to gesture, so I have an element of refinement and snob about me. I know what's right and sometimes can't HELP but gesture in a flowing/correct/finishing school manner. But I'm also quick to lose my temper. It's the losing the temper where I'm wanting to speed things up ..and I think I get too 'modern' gesture with it...so I will try to lose my temper with stronger facial movements rather than quick gestures. And perhaps also with sharper body angles. But fewer fast 'modern' moves.

-Avoid NOT liking myself.
This is exactly what it looks like it means.
I (as the character) don't want to comment on what my behavior is like on stage. WHILE I'm on stage.
I need to be this character...someone who was brought up with the best of intentions of going into high society and succeeding but who just couldn't get through that final Emily Post etiquette class because of my fiery demeanor and lack of positive nurturing female influence. Someone who puts her own needs first, and has a list of who is a 'friend' and who is a 'frenemy' (which can change by the hour). Someone who enjoys being girly and sometimes takes it to catty.
Someone who sees the options of a bright future dwindling away as the father drinks the family money and name into oblivion--and who wants to be proactive about doing something to change that--but is a little too wound up and oversensitive about the subject in the first place to actually succeed in that endeavor.

Am I like-able? Well that's not for me to decide. I like myself. I feel sorry for myself and my 'lot' in life most of the time. I feel like I should have been 'born to higher things...here I droop my wings...aaahhhhhh---singing of a sorrow..nothing can assuage.'
hahahaha! if ONLY it was as easy as Cunegonde.

Someone who is SO driven that everything else is a blur. But someone who is somehow destined to not succeed. And there is always that drive to change that. And MAYBE that's what I finally see at the end--forgiveness and acceptance is the way that I can put my 'drive to success' to better use.
Just maybe.
But I'll still be pissed that I don't get to ride off into the sunset with my knight in shining armor.

act two already?

We've been in rehearsal for 5 days and all of act one is blocked already.
CRAZY!
I think this show is a runner-up to the most physical show I've had to do (and who knows what's in store in Act II).

From the start I get to FAIL at ballet twirls, trip over things, fall down the stairs twice, fall while I curtsy, fall while I run, fall while I am angry, fall while I am amused...you get the picture.
I'm a klutz but at the same time I know the RULES of being graceful and try to achieve that as the older more cultured child.
Fail.

So with Act I staged (and Act I finale staged...it's awesome), I have to say that I'm starting to feel the fun!

We are doing some repeating and plugging the chorus into the big scenes..and the more we repeat, the more opportunities I get to make what I'm doing feel impulsive, even though it has mostly been carefully "choreographed" at some places. I get to now find the motivation to make that choreography work.
Not just know that at measure 5 ON the downbeat we snap our heads left.
But find a reason for it and make it work.

Still on a pretty messed up sleep schedule, but otherwise I'm very much enjoying myself and will VERY SOON (really, now..) start to think about the upcoming things that I have to think about.

More on that and possibly being abroad for a number of weeks...another time.

chop chop

We opened up about three cuts today- one in a recit, and two in a quintet. For dramatic interpretation and for story line. Makes sense and adds about 4 minutes to the show in total.
Now if we could just re-open pages 326-329 I'd be a happy camper. Alas...it's almost always cut, and so will remain listed here as well.

Character work is getting trumped by plain old stage business for today with running about, fake falls, double takes, singing under a special, freezes, and generally just trying to figure out how to put this act I finale together!

reh.3

It's amazing when one person walks in the room, then walks onstage, and without saying a word or singing a note, brings the energy around him up to 200%.
Everyone was bursting. We all perked up. How one person's energy, fun and attitude can do this--I'm not sure--but it's inspiring and VERY fun.

reh.2

First staging rehearsal--well HELLO there character shoes, rehearsal skirts, boas, more boas, feathers, prancing about, and basically being a new person on stage..seeing that develop.

We have 2 lead mezzos double-cast, but the rest of the cast is single-cast, so it's fun to get to do everything one extra time, just to make SURE you know where that cross, fall, slap, or spin is.

It's always interesting to work with a new director, new conductor, new cast..and see how things are shaped.

Right now I'm enjoying figuring out how to make my character's desires strongest on stage, how to make sure I'm avoiding slapstick (the pitfall of many of this composer's comedies onstage), and also taking a trip down memory lane for how to be the oldest child...an older sister...with the perfect mix of mothering, teasing, and best friend all mixed in.