issues

So THAT'S why I was so tired yesterday.
So THAT's why I inexplicably had to get up out of bed at 2am to eat 3 pieces of Lindt chocolates given to me on opening night.
So THAT's why I felt the sudden urge to stop at Walgreen's on the way back from the show to get Jalapeno Cheddar Pringles.
So THAT's why I ate those cheddar pringles followed by tortillas and guacamole, followed by grilled cheese and tomato on pumpernickel, followed by frozen thin mints (many more than just the 4 cookie serving size).--followed by the late night chocolate binge.

And So THAT'S why.
That is all I have to say about that.
Oh, and also that thank goodness I only feel like a crazy hormonal eating machine for about a day and a half. I'd also like to thank the gods of scheduling and the lunar cycle for deciding to torture me this time around not on opening night.

Guess there was good reason for wanting to steal a baby or adopt a puppy yesterday..and love it and squeeze it and hold it forever and ever.



Moving on.

Other issues that I will soon write about after I go get some more thin mints:
Self-Imposed-Censorship and blogging

Ok, back with a roll of frozen thin mints.

Now then.
If you REALLY wanted to try and figure out who I am, you probably could.
I began this blog as actually a locked "livejournal" (when that website was still cool and blogger didn't exist), meaning, I locked each post. It was literally just an online diary that no one else could read.
One day I forgot to lock a post, and I received a comment on my writing. Something probably about an audition or something about technique.
Thanking me for my view, and directing me to another blog, where someone of similar schooling level was also writing about the experience of trying to 'be an opera singer'.
And so what was a private and honest and cleansing exercise in writing, venting, forming, creating, reacting, thinking, guessing, trying---turned into something a bit more public.
Sharing.
Sharing all of the above.

Sharing the ride. The ups, downs, trials, triumphs, and everything in between.

This evening I found out a colleague of mine removed a post from a blog.
The colleague had good reason to post it in the first place--- honest feelings and reactions to a performance.
The colleague also had good reason to remove it--- honest feelings and reactions to a performance.

Writing in a public arena, albeit for ourselves and sometimes an anonymous but musically or operatically inclined/informed public, means that it's not just me and my locked diary.

What does it mean to be 'anonymous' here and also have the understanding that this is a very small world we live in, and is constantly getting smaller? And within the already small world, is an even smaller group of people that are singers, administrators, agents, opera fans, friends and family--who may stumble upon this site for any number of reasons---?
One blog to the next, a google search for "Zerbinetta's aria translation", word of mouth (otherwise known as email or text)...

It means that I think about what I write here. It is honest and what's on my mind.
But it's not everything. It can't be. I don't know of anyplace except for in my mind that everything could be felt and said.
Certainly not written--in one of those yellow-paged journals from the turn of the century that you can find 100 years later at a flea market, and buy for ten dollars because you're impressed with the penmanship.

Plus, I have really bad handwriting and was never taught cursive.