all done~ or, the beginning.

This afternoon the entire show was blocked.

So. Now I have all of these scribbles ...some in my score, most in my head...that I get to flesh out and make sense of for the next fourteen days.
A basic shape or flow, that I get to change things up in. From tempo to demeanor to stance to facial expression. And at the end of it all, all of my specific choices will make an arc for this character that hopefully will flow seamlessly from beginning to end.

Some of the challenges that I think about before going to sleep (as I go through as much blocking and speed-thrus in my head as possible) are:
-Avoiding being generally whiny and whinging.

I think I can avoid that by making my gestures more refined. Slower to gesture, but quick intellectually--means that I've been schooled in "how" to gesture, so I have an element of refinement and snob about me. I know what's right and sometimes can't HELP but gesture in a flowing/correct/finishing school manner. But I'm also quick to lose my temper. It's the losing the temper where I'm wanting to speed things up ..and I think I get too 'modern' gesture with it...so I will try to lose my temper with stronger facial movements rather than quick gestures. And perhaps also with sharper body angles. But fewer fast 'modern' moves.

-Avoid NOT liking myself.
This is exactly what it looks like it means.
I (as the character) don't want to comment on what my behavior is like on stage. WHILE I'm on stage.
I need to be this character...someone who was brought up with the best of intentions of going into high society and succeeding but who just couldn't get through that final Emily Post etiquette class because of my fiery demeanor and lack of positive nurturing female influence. Someone who puts her own needs first, and has a list of who is a 'friend' and who is a 'frenemy' (which can change by the hour). Someone who enjoys being girly and sometimes takes it to catty.
Someone who sees the options of a bright future dwindling away as the father drinks the family money and name into oblivion--and who wants to be proactive about doing something to change that--but is a little too wound up and oversensitive about the subject in the first place to actually succeed in that endeavor.

Am I like-able? Well that's not for me to decide. I like myself. I feel sorry for myself and my 'lot' in life most of the time. I feel like I should have been 'born to higher things...here I droop my wings...aaahhhhhh---singing of a sorrow..nothing can assuage.'
hahahaha! if ONLY it was as easy as Cunegonde.

Someone who is SO driven that everything else is a blur. But someone who is somehow destined to not succeed. And there is always that drive to change that. And MAYBE that's what I finally see at the end--forgiveness and acceptance is the way that I can put my 'drive to success' to better use.
Just maybe.
But I'll still be pissed that I don't get to ride off into the sunset with my knight in shining armor.