the competition post

The first thing I do when I've been notified that I'm accepted to a competition: Open that .Word document that I typed up three to six months ago with the list of repertoire that I handed in..way back when...and see if I should update it, and more importantly, if I'm ALLOWED to update it.

< I really don't see what the big deal is about changing your repertoire if you give notice that you are changing it for a competition. I understand that the judges are not an audition panel that is used to this type of thing. I understand that they may be nice little guild ladies who don't know how to use email, and downloading a file with new rep. is foreign to them, and I'll even send it in the mail! Just let me change my rep. if I want to!!!


So. If it's 6 pieces I probably said:
Lakme, Queen, Glitter, Doll, O luce, and then either Durch Z or Zerbie--depending on how much I can google about the panel, or previous winners--and the "type" of competition- ie, opera guild, or big important people that want to give you a scholarship to sing in Germany...etc.

I always give myself an "easy" aria that I know no matter how I'm feeling will be great---for me that's the Doll or Queen (even though they're not my regular starting pieces).

This season I've been particularly anti-O luce. It's a show-piece for sure---but if I'm beginning with Lakme (my starter for competitions this year) it becomes a bit of a coloratura repetitive marathon after the first piece. So this month (actually, yesterday), I decided to change my replist for 2 upcoming competitions- deleting O luce, and adding Oscar. I know- who would think it's a competition piece? I don't necessarily even think so--HOWEVER- it shows Line, Italian, acting, it's different than every other piece I have, plus I'm singing the role next year--so what's wrong with a little practice now and then?

Now to the point. What to do when you KNOW that someone will sing the exact rep. as you, and PROBABLY their last name is earlier in the alphabet than yours, so they'll sing first..and they'll start with what you sing.

Well. This kind of happened to me last year, but it was when I was only TOYING with the idea of using Lakme as a starter. There is a sop. who has used this piece for starting in at least 4 competitions that I've been in with her for the past 2 years. And each time I did the Doll. And the thing is, no matter how many high G's or how well I can kick butt in the Doll, Lakme (no matter how well or not so perfectly sung--even with pitch issues in the first cadenza)---is hands down more vocally impressive.

So what to do this year, when I'm changing my mind and deciding to begin with Lakme- knowing the most probably there will be 2 Lakme's that day, and we'll both offer: Queen, Zerbinetta, and the difference will be our Italian pieces?

Well---nothing. Last year, before I had sung the role, I may have been a bit more hesitant to sing the aria...again- no one ever asks for it, so I don't get so much practice except in coachings...sometimes..when I'm not working on new stuff...to go through older rep. that's always "prepared".
But this year it's in my bones and more importantly my soul.
So- we'll sing the same thing, and we'll see what happens.

Even though it's a competition, it's not a competition against this specific singer. It's a competition to get as close as possible to the top X number of people that get awards or recognition--and if I DO get anything, it goes straight to the bank to makeup for the exhorbitantly expensive plane tickets, summer plans and travel, and this Spring's audition flights and trips so far.

I think last year I may have felt more intimidated about this, and changed my repertoire just so we didn't sing the same thing. So we'd be judged on our own merits and not measured up against each other.

It's a valid point. I mean, we may even BOTH be eliminated because it wasn't a "clear" decision of just one to advance. Sometimes, (I've been told), winners are selected because they were the ones that were least "fought" about by the judging panel.

The bottom line is that competitions are just weird. It's not like an audition where you know if you did well and THEN you didn't get hired, you at least know that you have a contact at a certain opera house who MAY remember, you, or that you could keep in touch with--because even though you weren't the best or perfect for what they wanted...you're still a great singer and you impressed.

I know of a singer who researches EXTENSIVELY about competitions. She actually makes a small salary off of it every year or two that's how good she is (of course she has a great voice too!) But some of the things she looks at:

Knowing who won last year (if it was her "type" of soprano, she's less likely to go).
Knowing how much you could win (if it's less than the cost of the travel there and the app. fee, she won't apply)
Knowing who the judges are (when there is ANYONE that she could possibly be affiliated with or know her, she'll do it, no matter where it is)
What the prizes are (if it's an opera role and that company is doing something the next year that she can sing, she'll go for it).

Where have I found out about most of my competitions? Well, reading many singer bios helps me get a feel for the "level" of competitions that I am going for. Two years ago was my first time around, and I did pretty well (entered 2, was a finalist and won)
Last year I could only do one, and I got 2nd.
And this year I'm hoping to do MANY (but I still haven't heard final notifications from a few).
Still, in the matter of 7 days, there is a possibility to sing in 4 competitions, in three different states.

Also- yaptracker. There are SO many local (to small cities, states, libraries, schools) competitions!!! And if you're anywhere within driving area I say- go for it!
For example, I'm doing a local competition (finals are this Saturday)---it's small, but it's a good name competition, and the top prize is 2thousand bucks...I'm one of FOUR finalists. ONE of us will win that much. Those are pretty good odds I say! Why NOT apply if I'm here and have the hour free?

And finally. It's all a big gamble, but if you're prepared, you have a cute dress, your arias are totally ready, and you've got charisma and stage presence--I always say that you can have as good a chance as anyone else if you can get in and do well.

Here's hopin'!

Mattila does the splits

Tonight I had the great joy of attending a performance "from the front of the house"---meaning, listening to one- instead of coming in backstage and singing in one!
I saw Karita Mattila in concert with Martin Katz.
She sang beautifully, looked gorgeous, had three encores, but the part that I'm still jaw-droppingly crazy about is at the very end (after a cool jazzy/operatic rendition of The Man I love) she turned to us and said, "I usually only do this for my Swedish and Finnish audiences..but you've been such a wonderful group". She then proceeded to get down on one knee. I thought- cute, she's like acknowledging us as the audience- deep diva bow on the floor.
And THEN--- she was in the SPLITS!
I'm NOT KIDDING!!!

SPLITS! And yes, her dress was fine. She was wearing one of those hot Spanish themed things that is all stringy, so you can stick your legs out, but when you stand still it looks like one piece.

I can't get over it!

I turned to my friend and she said "grandma just did the splits". I think I said something like "holy jesus"...sorry.
Even though she does NOT look like a grandma--she is a lady of a certain age and most certainly looked no older than..well- does it even matter? She looked hot and younger than she is...so go her.
She's pretty much either a MILF or a GILF.

Oh, and her rep was the Hermit Songs, a set of songs from her homeland, Wolf spanishlieder, GRANADOS- LA MAJA y EL RUISENOR! (My current favoooorrrrite spanish piece), and then another set of spanish.
Encores were another homeland piece, That pretty Gypsey Song from Dvorjak (she dedicated it to the mothers since it's almost mother's day), and then the Man I love.

Loved it.
She had such poise. Such presence. Spun high, super chesty and awesome low, can travel through melismatic music seamlessly and effortlessly. If anything, it seemed like she was "warming up" in the first set, and could have gone on singing for hours by the end.

It was really an experience not to be forgotten quickly- especially those last 5 minutes!

new motivation

Yes, since just posting yesterday that I'm in a "down period of productivity" I suddenly have new projects. FUN!

A. Have to make a recording of an aria I've only sung for fun about 4 yrs. ago--by tomorrow or the next day. Why? To be considered for the role for next year. Why? Because I can't be released from our final dress rehearsal to go to NY and audition for it. Why? Because I don't have a dark night- even though there are two casts, I'm single cast (duh- my role is tiny).

B. Will be receiving scores of NEW Italian aria that I'm going to learn for my auditions next year (possibly) and other general recordings. And also will be receiving score of role for September. Oh yea, THAT'LL (not) distract me from learning that new page of Italian recit. Anything new in the future is always so much more exciting that what you have to learn for rehearsal later on that day.

C. Still have my hopes up about large-summer-famous-competition-abroad, because I know people who have received rejection emails already. I don't know anyone who has been accepted, and the forum posts are all very mysterious about whether people got in or not. It just says "yes, I heard. Good luck"...or something to that effect--for more than one person. So I don't know if that means they got a NO, or if they got a YES, OR if they know the director of the competition (from the current YAP he runs) and already know they're in.

D. I downloaded a kind of fun language program called BeforeYouKnowIt, byki.com (for FREE), that is basically a beginning or refresher course in appropriate vocab. in almost every language that you can think of. So now instead of watching law and order at midnight and one am, I'm quizzing myself on things like Die Kaffee, Die Kreditkarten, and other fun der die das vocabulary for restaurants, colors, hotels, and more.

E. Competitions. The promised post is still upcoming--after I learn this German aria and record it.

F. What can I say- I suppose I just love to be busy and challenged, and sometimes when I don't have anything going on and COULD be doing all of these things, I forget how great it feels to be motivated to do them.

catching up

As quickly as that money entered my account I decided to find it a better home. So my Stocks and long-term-don't-touch-it savings account are now 1,000 bucks richer each.

I'll have to wait until the rent rebate to go on a shopping spree or something..or...just pay for whatever apt. I end up subletting in NYC for 2.5 months.

I don't really feel like I'm "falling behind", but the title of the post suggests that I'm trying to catch up. Even with all of this free time, actually, probably BECAUSE of all of this free time, I have found myself in one of the most unproductive spells of the year.

Back in January with huge-role upcoming, next-year thoughts a-brewing, huge scenes looming, application deadlines for competitions and more--I was the most productive.

Now, even with a few deadlines looming and a few self-motivated letters and materials to be sent out, I have actually spent a large amount of time catching up on reading--mostly online, but still.
The daily ritual of reading the NYtimes is always there, but I've managed to distract myself and get to the bbc, sydney morning herald, ha'aretz.
So that's the news for the day.
Then there are the blogs---yummm! I do tend to wander far deeper than the links posted on the right would have you believe. I just don't have the energy to add them in alphabetical order to the sidebar...but rest assured that I travel through other blogs to even MORE blogs.
General google-ninja-ing. Lately it's been to research agents and opera houses in Germany in preparation for my summer of fun.

What I haven't done: Take a second glance at the recit that was cut and re-opened today. It's just two pages. Hopefully I'll know it tomorrow by 2:30.

What I also haven't done: worried any more about my furniture, where I'm moving, how I'm packing, what I'm taking, and whether it will all fit in my car.

At this point I'm assuming it'll work out. Don't know how--but I'll stay either positive, or oblivious or in denial.

Competitions--yes, I need to be rehearsing my arias again, and figuring out what I'm going to sing "for real"--rep. changes due any day now.

And also a post upcoming about: What to do/think/not to do when you know that someone in the competition is offering the SAME exact rep. (including starting piece--usually) as you are.

yay tax return!

I just checked my savings account and I have received both my state and federal tax return!
My account actually looks like it did at the beginning of September when I moved here with actual money to spend, stocks to invest in, and savings to make!

But what will I do with it?
Stocks, RothIRA and hsbc savings account.
Sometimes I forget that I have 'thousands' of dollars in places that I can't really access right now, but in an emergency or big life "thing" I could get at it with no penalty.

So it just looks like I'm poor when I miss my capital one credit card payment by ONE day, am charged 35 bucks penalty fee, AND end up having to pay 3thousand bucks in a day because of all of my flights to Europe this summer.

OK, better get started on researching the next hot stock.

like lemmings off the cliff

Today was the finals of a competition that I and two other resident artists recently competed in.

Or WAS it?

The preliminaries were last week, we all made it, and all assumed that the finals would be this following weekend. We had filled out request forms to be released from rehearsal WEEKS...no, months ago--when the competition deadline was--around December.

So we all left rehearsal today, took our quick showers, did our hair (well not the counter-tenor!), got our dresses, put the makeup on, made sure the music was in the right order, and got in the car to the competition.

We get to the venue, and the snacks, water, and sign-in ladies weren't there.
So we wonder--hmm, is it in this building? Yes.
And then I say---is it even this weekend?

Or are we all assuming that the finals were one week after the preliminaries?!!

YEP. That's what it turns out.
The finals are NEXT Saturday (ha), and it won't be a scheduling problem because we'll be in run-throughs by that time and rehearsal is only until 2:30. (My time to sing is 4:12).

I am usually SO on top of dates, times, being early, knowing everything. But this time, when there were three of us, I let the planning slide and left it up to the two singers who had times before me to figure out departure time, who was driving, etc---
too bad not one of us realized that the finals weren't even this weekend!

SO.
NEXT weekend I'll be dressing up, already warm from the run-through, and going to this thing to get it over with and maybe win a few bucks at the same time.

I've written about competitions before, but now that I'm doing a few BIG ones (still waiting to hear about finals, quarter finals, semi-finals, and other things from a few others too)...I remain convinced that there are some singers who are "competition winners", there is some rep. that's "competition winning rep", and there are also different types of competitions--
the ones run by little ole' guild ladies, and the ones run by famous opera singer teachers, and the ones run by an assembly of judges who are directors and teachers..
and each one has its own qualities- good and bad, with odds stacked for or against you, and pure luck AND talent having not much or everything to do with who wins.

So I just show up, sing pretty, and basta.
If they want to award me some dollars at the end, great. Euros- even better!

the goods

About a week and a half ago I sent an email to someone "in the know" who works with my current resident artist program, regarding agents in Italy and Germany. Asking this person if they could recommend anyone that I could sing for while I spend a month and a half there this summer.

I say "in the know" because in addition to their capacity in working with us as a coach in the program, this person is also connected to a pretty highly named European agency, and COULD pull strings if they were on your side and had seen your talent.

The response I got was something like:
"You can definitely send me a cd of your best recording and I
will give it to my colleague in Europe. I do like your voice and I loved
your doll in Hoffmann so I will say that, but because your voice is so
unique, you have to expect that people might have different reactions. if my colleague thinks that he can't sell a voice like yours, there is not too much I will be able to do from here. "

OK. I understand about being cautious. I understand that this person only heard me in the doll. I understand that my voice is "unique"(umm,,,thought that was a good thing!). So while the reply email (which was longer and offered much valuable information) was not NEGATIVE, and saying, No I won't send your stuff...it was not---YES, of course give me your materials I'm sure something can be worked out.
It was cautionary at best. The kind of- don't-get-your-hopes-up, but I guess I'll try and put your name out there just to see type of help.

Well, today I dropped off my CD and materials at said person's house.
2 hours later I receive an email of a VERY different nature.

Have you sung for so and so? I'm going out of town next week and would be happy to bring your CD along (So-and-so being 2 of the biggest opera companies in the US with very high level resident artist programs). My colleague in Italy wants to meet you and wants you to sing for them...can you arrange a trip to Italy while you're in Germany? bla bla bla...

OH REAAALLLYYY?

So my recording is either "that good" or showed off that I can do stuff WELL besides the doll... (meanwhile, it took me a WHILE to decide what to put on it..because I thought it would just be sent to that one person...)
I sent:
Doll, Queen (both with orchestra from my live recordings), and then I sent piano of DurchZ, A Zarzuela, and Zerbie.

Didn't realize I had 3 Germans on there until I dropped it off, but those really are my best recordings in terms of piano and I wanted to show that I could do "normal" Mozart/Soubrette stuff with the DurchZ, crazy coloratura stuff with Zerbie, and awesome Queen stuff with the orchestra recording.
And that I rocked at doll.
And then the zarzuela is the only LOW and LEGATO thing I have right now.

ANYWAY.
What is the moral of this experience?

Well, I'm not SO sure yet, but here is my idea about it. People can have very strong perceptions of what your voice can or can't do, who you are, what you sound like, and everything about you---before they hear you in anything, or after just hearing you in one role. How many people who have only heard me in the doll think that I can ONLY sing the doll?

I'm GLAD that my recordings (even though I've spent no money on them, and have used a minidisk or what I could grab from live performances with friends and family in the audience holding my minidisk) can prove othewise, but I also wonder how many people may have that general perception (even though they MAY receive regular updates about my roles sung, etc), that I am just the "doll" with freakish high notes.

Here's to proving them wrong and having the goods on the CD to show for it.

a week later...

I have my first day of rehearsal today. The show has already been in rehearsals for a week, but since I only come in during Act III and IV I have had PLENTY of time off, including my PLENTY of time off after Lakme. But do I know my part by heart yet? No, but before 4pm today I will!

I mean, I know it in that magical-I-didn't-ever-have-to-study-it,-but-somehow-it's-in-my-head -way.
And so I need to make sure that if the magic disappears that I can still call upon it and "know" it.

Just spend 450 MORE dollars on plane tickets for my upcoming competitions in May. Yes, these are the ones AFTER the NY ones which I'm driving across the country for.

I don't even want to know how much my credit card bills will be with the Europe trips, plus the recent Midwest audition plus the Southern/Midwest upcoming competition tickets.

Yuck.

At least I "have" it available in my savings account. If I didn't that would be another story.

And I'm being "peer pressured" into going to Australia again---this July, before special someone moves halfway across the world to finish his phd research.

feeeeedback, new arias, and craigslist

In backwards order:
I just put up all of my furniture for sale on Craigslist.
I HOPE someone wants it inthe next 20-odd days, or else, uhh, I don't know how I'm driving cross country with just my clothes and books!!

Had a coaching today and ended up talking about new Italian arias, and how most of my auditions it's easy to tell what the panel will choose 2nd, but many time I feel like they find it a problem with my "showy" coloratura arias.
They always ask for something legato.
HOWEVER in their haste to write off the "showy" arias, they forget that OVER half of Lakme is legato, OTHEr sections of Zerbie are legato, DURCH ZARTLICHKEIT is legato, and so are many many parts of other arias that I sing.
But I still get the feeling that they ask for Oscar to hear the low and legato, and O luce to SUFFEr through the rest of the aria after they hear the Italian recit.

So what can I do? Well, find a piece that will add some Italian legato--NOT like I avoid it!!! I just don't have a piece for a Lyric like Piangero or Pamina's aria that is ALL line and no coloratura.

My best pieces have legato AND some fireworks.
Frustrating, yes, but the truth.

So I think I found one from a not-so-often done, and very-recently-published opera/vocal score.

If I like it. Don't know yet.

And finally, feeeedback. I say that like somehow it quenches my hunger to know what someone thought of me.
Which it really doesn't. If it's relevant, it's relevant. If not, it was that day and their perception.
So today it was relevant. It was a "pleasure" for them to hear me, my top notes are "freakishly easy", bla bla bla..all things I already know so it's not really worth writing them here--but still nice to hear them coming from a person in the business that matters to my future possible hiring.

I DID think a lot about being asked to sing parts of 4 arias yesterday, and how I SHOULD have taken a water break.
Because even though I had a great audition, I should have felt comfortable enough to take a little break..but instead I felt like I'd break the flow of something if I stopped, so I just trucked along. And it was absolutely fine. But it would have maybe been MORE fine had I stopped for a breather between Glitter and Oscar!

And so I learn more and new things. When you're going to an opera house to sing for them, it's nothing like the NYC "factory" that is outside in the hallways filled with singers and managers. It's relaxed. They are on their home turf, and it seemed much more cordial and pleasant.

Of course, that also could have been because it was an 'agented audition'...hmm...
More to come with thoughts on that.

home early

I managed to catch an earlier flight from MidWest audition (no, it wasn't chicago,gp, you KNOW I'd call you up if it was!!!!).

So.
I sang 2nd V. of doll, Queen(#2), Glitter (2nd half --the talking to the end), and Oscar.

I will say that I wasn't vocally TIRED by the end, but I was feeling it a BIT. So I kicked the drama into higher gear because I was feeling a bit like- "hmm...singing low and legato after 3 show-pieces..this kinda sucks!!! Wow! At least the legato still sounds good and I'm making an attempt for dynamics!"
HA.

Anyway- didn't get feedback, and won't since that was an "agented audition"..I'm going to have to come up with a more interesting name than managed audition (since I'm not), and "agented" may be it for now.

But what I did get was- lovely to hear you, you sound great, I'm glad I heard you, I'll definitely think about you for upcoming la di dah...

So that was nice.
Who knows. Perhaps not what I was put up for, but something in the future.

And now I'm back in my same old extremely disorganized mess of a room.
OH YEA--and I got into the finals of a semi-local competition- along with 2 other Resident Artists!
And there are only 4 finalists in the vocal category!

Way to sweep the competition RAPpers.

audition

While the Nor'East may be bracing for one huge storm, I'll be flying to the MidWest today for a mainstage audition for '09.

I'll leave in two hours for the airport, but right now I'm not leaving my bed yet.

Because I didn't schedule a heavy audition season this year (4 total), and we have sung for only a few agents throughout the year at current-yap, I feel actually a bit rusty about auditioning. Not with my repertoire or presentation, but rusty on getting to the point where I walk into an audition, and it's just another audition and I don't care that much.

I mean, of course I care. But my body, my body language, any nerves that decide to mess with me--just the routine of it all is rusty to me, and it's routine that keeps me from feeling anxious about what is coming up.

When I walk into an audition I like to be on top of my game. And I pretty much always feel that vocally-- except if I'm sick. I know who I'm singing for, I know what they're casting, I know which coloratura they had in their program last year, I know which one will want to return this year, and in essence, the one I'm singing against right now to hopefully win a spot in a certain young artist program. (well, those are for YAP auditions).

This is for mainstage, AND I'm being sent by an agent, so I have a new banner over my head.
How do I feel about that?
Wow- who knew that having MY NAME, COMMA, AGENT NAME, could open so many door and feel so different.
The first time (audition1, NYC a few weeks ago) was a breeze- sing durchZ, kick butt, sing Oscar, kick more butt. Wait and see.

No, I am not managed.
This whole firstname lastname that's besides MYname is the work of a wonderful person in this business who I had the opportunity of meeting online and in real life, and this person happens to want to help me after hearing about my situation with next year. Which I'm assuming means that this person believes in my talent enough to put their brand name next to MYname on my materials, and send them out on my behalf.

I do agree that I'm a bit on the "young" side to be managed in GENERAL, but my voice and my experience so far is NOT GENERAL.
I've sung a MAJORITY of the roles that I will continue to sing in my career already--on pretty important main-stages. And if I haven't sung it fully yet, I'm close to memorized and ready to go (Zerbie)

I have not done any official auditions for management, I don't know whether I will do that this fall or not or whether it's even necessary. It's not even something I'm thinking about right now, when my goal really is to fill Jan-May of '08 with mainstage and THEN think about YAPs for next summer.

Am I making the transition from a young artist to a mainstage artist?
Well, I HOPE so, but in the meantime, it's not stopping me from thinking about sending out applications to the biggest summer and season YAPs which I have not necessarily ever auditioned for before, and if I have, it was over 2 years ago.
There are still four companies out there (summer and year) which I've NEVER sung for, and they're pretty big and important, and it's never worked out in my schedule to do either their prelims or finals or both.

So it's a thought in the back of my head, but it's ALSO a thought to talk to current-boss and see if they're actually scheduling their Abduction for '09 and if they'll consider me for it!

Wow, I just went on a large tangent.
Back to the audition.
I'm not nervous. I just don't have that feeling of waking up in NYC for the 18th time and thinking, when is this audition season OVER? Can I go back to sleep now? Ok, let's get this over with...
Which is a great feeling to have when you're singing great, you have confidence, and you couldn't care less about what happens because you KNOW you'll get something because you're putting it all out there and it's the BEST you have.

OK, so that inspired me to TRY and feel that way anyway--maybe going off of my last mainstage performance.
It will be the best I have.
And I'll love it.
AND I get a day off and free dinner and a night in a Kingsized bed in a cool downtown hotel!

more plans

This must be just about the most boring blog to read about during this time period when I'm pretty much manic about my life next year and whether it will be filled with wonderous musical performances, or not-so-wonderous temp jobs.

Ok, a new plan has been added. Concerts.
Things like the Poulenc's and the Orff's and other concert standards I've performed before.
Google who is doing them.
See if they're "cast"- most likely with smaller regional orchestras or ballet companies- NO, and then send them my stuff.

So far I've found 6 places that are possibly not cast yet (at least the websites don't have any information about who could be singing them). OK. One afternoon of research down, many more to go.

boo!

Just googled plan..whatever letter it is below...regarding mother-country opera and they are doing NO shows next season that have coloratura sopranos in them!!!
Ok, to be fair they're doing Dido and Aeneas so if I wanted to pull out Belinda (NOT in the audition of course) I could...it's not even listed on my resume anymore b/c it's so small.

But everything else is Butterfly, Gioconda, Forza, a world premiere that I'm sure has been cast for a number of years, and generally nothing else..oh yea, and Onegin.

Ok, cross that plan off.

Best send those cover letter after all.

more decisions

Today I printed out four cover letters that I COULD send to four opera companies to request a late May audition, while I drive back cross country through their city.
Why?
Well, what keeps going through my head is what my plans are beginning January 08.
It's nice to be a blank slate, but as my type A personality wills me to always have a plan, I'm trying to make some plans based on things that could happen.

Plan A:
Mother-country opera gives me a gig in Jan-May of 2008. I end audition season in NYC, and then get to do whatever I want until going back for that gig, and I don't worry about filling up my Spring 08 with shows or not.

Plan B:
One of the places where my materials were sent over the past 3 months calls person-who-sent-them up, and wants to hire me for one of their 2008 shows. Again, I feel no pressure after NYC audition season, and I just do that gig.

Plan C:
I have such a great time studying language and being in Europe this summer that I do an official tour for a few months and see what happens.

Plan D:
One of these four companies still hasn't cast their entire Sprin 08 season yet and wants to hear me in May.
I know it's completely past the season of auditions, but I'm driving through their city...if they're there, why NOT ask?

Plan E:
I pick a city (probably the one that I did my undergrad in), call upon my previous connections, keep working, and hope I have an awesome audition season for summer programs and mainstage Fall 08.

Plan F:
Anything else that happens to me between now and Jan.of 08- like maybe getting into one of the residency programs that begins in January or April or anything else.

Those are the possible plans so far. There are MANY more ideas. But these are the frontrunners and ones that I hope will materialize. Of course, unfortunately I have very little to do with whether they actually do happen- besides auditions that have not passed yet. But isn't that always the case?
You do your best, and wait. And while you wait, hopefully you made enough money at your last gig to support this singing habit.

That's why I have 3 US competitions and 3 International Competitions upcoming, and grant requests in the mail.

So I think I'm covering my bases as much as possible.

I think in the near future I'm going to have a sit-down with current-boss about where the co. sees my voice going, what their possible future rep. is, and whether they would consider me for something upcoming, or do they want to continue the trend of giving their YAPpers a bit of space to develop for a year or two before hiring them back for mainstage.

Basta.
I'm watching the end of Top Design right now.
I want to live in Carissa's loft.

show me the money

And for 1400 MORE dollars I get to fly to said places that I'm going to this summer.
I don't even want to think about what my airline tickets have cost me since January, but I'd easily say it was upwards of 1200 dollars. Thank GOODNESS they were all for auditions and shall be written off next year's taxes.

Now, do I get to deduct 1,000 of the 1400 because I'll have an "audition" in mother-country where I'm going to take a large vaycay as well?

hmmm...

First day of rehearsal went smoothly today. Not like I sing much, but I sat quietly and politely with a borrowed Castel, filling in the parts of Susanna I haven't translated over the years from my scenes assignments and failed forays into memorizing the entire role, because I hope I'll eventually be singing the role at some point in my life (I hope, or otherwise my hand is tired from writing for nothing!)

last opera o' the season

Tomorrow we begin rehearsals for the last opera of the season.
Do I know my part? Well, I do in English! But that won't help me too much when I'm singing recits in Italian tomorrow at the run-through.

I spent this morning emptying out my bank account to pay for what will be probably the most productive summer I've had all of my life in terms of language immersion. I hope it's worth it as much as I hope my career travel abroad in the near future.

I'm a bit nervous about sending that large of a check in the mail, so I paid the extra 20bucks to send it priority with tracking and signatures and all that--and if they don't like it on the other end--well TOO BAD!

Plus, I learned new things at the bank today about getting a transfer of funds in Euros, versus wiring money.

First is 15 bucks, second is 45! First is immediate, 2nd can take up to a week!

No thanks! I'll stick with option number one and hope that the money gets there!


On the personal life front, things got really rocky last night until about 2am. And now it's ok again..for now. Maybe.
It's this long distance. Don't try it kids. Especially not for 4 years. Unless you have a really really great plan for life and a lot of patience.

On the holy-crap-what-am-i-doing-with-my-life-next-year front,
I my summer plans are pretty much 100% concrete.

I leave here the 14th. Arrive in NYC for competitions the 16th. Sing for another competition in the midwest the 21st. And yet another one in the midwest the 24th.
Leave for home-country-motherland on the 26th.
Leave for summer immersion and audition tour on June 22nd.
And return to the states for my best friend's wedding on Jul.28th.
That's all folks. That's my exciting summer.

And then the next season? The rest of the year?
Mwahahha.
Ok, return to current-yap as a PRINCIPAL artist, move to NYC for 2.5months (cooooool!) and do as many auditions for mainstage and yaps and raps as I can...while also I SUPPOSE getting SOME sort of temp job (cringe) or other project to work on.
I'm SO much more qualified than a temp job!!!! Can I just put that out there?!!! I wish I could be working on outsourced grantwriting projects, or policy research, or assisting professors....LORD what I wouldn't give for something like that.

OK, onward.
January 2008 through the rest of my life- a large and oh-so-fun-to-doodle-on blank slate.

If I get hired in home-land-mother-country, that would be great.
If I get hired for small-US-regional company, that would be great.
If I move back to city-of-undergrad and find work singing a bit and working a bit, that would be great too.
If I move to KYOTO to be with my boy, be a tourist and see some Buddhist temples for a few months, that's great too (as long as I have the money of course!)

:)

So. I've been back and forth every other day about how I feel about this. One day scared, another excited, another unprepared and wishing I did more auditions this year, another completely over the young artist/resident artist scene and starting to make a career for myself as a mainstage singer...and excited about it!

Today- excited.

project

I have 43 pages of "material". Yes, that includes lists of things, and thoughts that are complete ramblings in blog-esque form. But it also includes 10 pretty clearly written pages as a start.

I'd like to keep this on the "lighter" end of writing motifs, but include the information that is needed in a clear and concise way.

In crappy weather news, Spring has decided to go into hiding, and it's about 20 degrees outside, and has been for the past 4 days.
What is going on!?!??!
I already packed up all of my sweaters and warm jackets (see SPRING CLEANING post below!!!!)

So I've been inside. Yes. Inside all day.
But being productive. Except not moving at all from two spots. The couch and my bed.
And I wonder why I can't fall asleep until 3am.

Actually, with the amount of writing, revising, etc. that I've done today I actually feel like I could fall asleep right now.

taking the plunge

I MAY be doing it finally. Writing the book or handbook or that thing to be published about the things which I know about which could help singers.

back at home

Audition:
Zerbinetta as a starter- felt pretty good. Sang really well. Room was very nice as was the vibe. Didn't feel SO artistic about it, but knew that it was "on" and "acted".
So I dont' know.

Then when I listed my other arias I got "can I hear something legato"--so while there are sections of legato in each of those arias, I suppose the Oscar is the most legato (although now that I think about it the DurchZ is, but whatever)

Sang it. Went really well.
Got a "you'll make a wonderful Oscar next year" comment.

And that's it.
And that's when I started thinking---thinking that I've been on this performance high and these audition highs because I've been doing things to try and set up my life next year.

And now I just feel not high. I know it can be post-performance depression/letdown, but I DO have things upcoming and I AM excited about them.

What I waver between being excited and freaked out about is the same thing. What my life will be like in January. And where I'll be.
I know where I'll be in September, October, November, and December---mostly auditioning plus and upcoming opera.

But then what?

More thoughts on this later maybe.
For now, translating the next opera.

agent audition

Later today I have an audition for an agent who is coming to see the opera tonight.
I have never officially pursued agents, although I've certainly written about my experiences and auditions for the ones that have come here and heard the resident artists, but I do always think it's important to know who you are about to sing for.

So I went to this agent's website and noticed that on his roster (well, not his, but the company), were two young-ish sopranos who do all of the coloratura/soubrette rep. One has done two roles in the past two years that I'm going to be repeating in the next 6 months, in the exact same productions--different locations.

And one I've always followed her voice, from the US to overseas.

So what does that leave me with? Either the chance to sing my "opening" aria of this year- which is pretty much in direct "competition" with these girls--who are already managed and famous....

OR- the chance to sing my "opening" aria as something that neither of them could sing AND that is not represented on their roster:

A Zerbinetta.

Of COURSE I will not sing all 12 minutes of it.
But I'm strongly considering (and will most likely not change my mind about) beginning with the So war es mit Pagliazzo and going through to the end---
about 6 minutes or so.

And to offer queen, and other roles with the F's and "true coloratura" (Lakme) that these other girls don't have--EVEN though the rep that I would normally sing includes all of the coloratura roles that these two girls sing.

I'm never attached to my starter aria---the only reason I changed it to DurchZ this year was because I was getting sick of Chacun--even though I was getting great feedback with it.

So maybe from now on I'm moving into real coloratura-land for my openers---and they'll just have to assume that DUH since I can hit that E or F I can also sing the Mozart "maids" and other coloratura/soubrette cute borderline things.

That is, except when I audition for a program that I know will be doing Abduction in a certain city I want to be in, in a certain year and a half.

sneaky opera news

I don't usually make it a point to google-search myself THAT often (except when my website was being built and I wanted to see if it was the first thing that would pop up).
Today I received an email from an opera subscriber who attended the Lakme matinee. He said that he was a regular poster to some online forums that discussed productions and performances, etc--so I naturally assumed it was either Opera-L or Opera News Standing Room, and that there had been some nice discussions and reviews of me not only in this but in two previous roles I've done- one here and one 2 yrs ago.

I'll sometimes check in on these websites (once or twice a year for a specific production if I hear there is chatter about it), but they are not pages I go to very often.

He emailed out of the blue after finding my website and congratulated me on my performance. Which was of course so lovely and nice, and I wrote him back thank you email, since it's always nice to get these kinds of comments from strangers ;)

And then I made my way over to those forums, and google-searched my name inside their archives along the way.

All I have to say is WOAH! That's pretty cool. First of all, I found an online review of our Hoffmann that I had NO idea was even written!!! So I get to add that to my website "press" pages--and it's from Opera News!!!

And second, it was refreshing to read reviews, thoughts, impressions not only on the voice, but on production, costuming, and conducting.

So often I just get a review of myself vocally from my coach, conductor or boss.
And of course I KNOW how I THINK I did, but I'm not sure if it got across to the audience.

Well, on Sunday it did.
Hurrah.

weekend update

Ok, so I couldn't wait until tomorrow because I can't sleep (even though there is a beautiful man in my bed right now)...he's asleep though, and I SHOULD be as I'm taking him to the airport at 4am.

WELL-
Friday- Family and boy arrive. We have lunch, dinner, I sing with Mallika on Public Access tv (the flower duet), and then we relax for the evening. I AM able to sleep.

Saturday- meet the fam and boy for Brunch. Spend the rest of the day writing thank you cards, going through words to the opera in my head, thinking about not being nervous, and warming up around 5pm for about an hour--slowly, deliberately, and singing small pieces of all of the role.

Saturday night- no hope for any sleep.
I look over at the clock about every hour even though I'm in bed by midnight.
I start going through the words to the show in my head hoping that I'll nod off. No, instead I finish the show and still can't sleep.

TODAY- wake up around 9:30am. Shower and warm up at the same time. 10:45- off to the theater. I am always the first one there. It's how I like it, whether I have to warm up or not.

THE SHOW
I have posted about being nervous before, your body betraying you while your mind is "at peace", your mind betraying you while your body does fine.
Today I got over it. Really. I felt EXCITED before the show. Not "mojo FU ala nfcs" excited, but really just happy. Happy with the family that was here. Happy that I'd be doing what I have wanted to be doing for SO SO long onstage in the next 3 hours.
Happy.
The first offstage lines I feel my heart racing.
When the temple doors open I feel my knees knocking a bit.
But the voice never failed me. It was clear as a bell, no effort, no crazy nervousness in the throat, nothing.

After my first little "ditty" with "daddy", my Nilakantha exited and as he did so, whispered "you're doing great" in my ear. And it just made my heart melt. This cast and the resident artists have been so absolutely supportive of me. It's not often that one of us gets to do such a big role, and what he said just made everything disappear except for me and my character for the next 3 acts.

From there everything went smoothly.
Flower duet- Felt the good energy, felt the big 2.
Pourquoi- Had the dramatic tension and resolutions it needed. I'll listen to the recording but there may have been ONE sforzando that I ended early and caught myself on.
First duet- A lot of energy and reality.

Act II--the aria!
The cadenza--oh, the cadenza.
Of course who WON"T tell you that they're amazing in the practice room.. Well, I won't. I NEVER get off pitch for this with piano in a practice room. ONCE in rehearsals I ended up a quarter tone sharp.
Today was no exception--Ended BAM on that high and low E. YEA.
The aria: Such good energy. After the last E the crowd pretty much just kept clapping ...for a really long time (I'll see how much on my illegal MD recording of it when I get around to listen)...and I just held it and smiled. It felt amazing.

ActII duet and aria--this is where I felt it really came together. All of my low(er) duets after the aria were always the most challenging for me. From singing high E's to having to really shape the passagio-area ditties.
It was HOTTT if I do say so myself.
(after this act my conductor knocked on my dressing room door, and said brava--it was the best it's ever been).

Act III- yes, up there 8 feet in the air in our bungalow hideaway:
REALLY REALLY good.
AGAIN, the slow and LOW Berceuse that I worried about was a piece of cake.
Floating the high C at the end was magical. I got a little hairpin crescendo decrescedo in there as well. Just really really pretty.

And then it just went on like that--two more mini-arias, the death scene..final duet...and that's it.

Just like that the night was over.

I was beaming.
So were my bosses and colleagues.

This is why I love my "job". It's not even a job. I just created art tonight that will never be captured again. I told someone a story. I moved someone for the first time. I put all of that hard learning, French studying, passagio work, coaching, diction, rehearsal...everything---into what I did tonight.
And I felt wonderful about it.

And now I can't sleep and still have to wake up in 4 hours.

it's the weekend of the show y'all

Will I EVER not use that title post to open show day or show weekend? Probably not- since Waiting for Guffman is just that good.

I went to the orchestra dress for the other cast tonight to hear some acoustical balance things. Mostly good, mostly they were controlling themselves in this lush French music that is easy to overpower two singers in their middle voices for most of the duets and recits.

Feelings:
Umm, still not nervous (just WAIT until Saturday night and Sunday).

Back hurts and muscles are sore from stress and fatigue probably, but today was my last chance at getting a massage. If I do it tomorrow I'll be too "loose" for Sunday. Yes, this happened before- the first time I sang QOTN I got a gift certificate from a relative for a massage and I felt like falling asleep during the next two days (one of which was the performance). It releases SO much that it's hard to gather that energy back up and use it full force in performance.

Family comes in tomorrow. So does boy. It's always MORE stressful for me to plan out things to do with them while NOT talking to much, NOT making myself tired, NOT eating out too much---before a show. I used to hate when they came to see me, because it would make me MORE nervous for some reason. THIS time I am really glad they're here.

My parents, however, were given directions by me NOT to attend because of a conflict with my youngest brother's FINAL college A capella spring show. It's a big one. He's the music director. He has a senior solo, and speakers that will talk about him...plus I remember my senior show so well and my parents were there and it's really a shame to miss it. We're on the SAME day--same time-- two different time zones--so I told my parents that this is HIS last college show maybe forever--and this is MY first Lakme--something I'm sure they'll see me do again.

And with that, it's before midnight and I'm ACTUALLY tired.
So I'll try to stretch out my back, maybe even put some icy-hot on it (or Vick's vapor rub- same thing, kind of), and get a somewhat decent night's sleep---
because I won't be sleeping much in the next two days if nerves are anything like they usually are.

Ah, tossing and turning and reciting French recit, arias, and duets for 300 pages really can get you through a night.

Probably no more posting (unless I'm really energetically or nervously inspired) until POST- SUNDAY!!!

final run-through

This afternoon my cast had it's final run-through...it was also our FIRST run-through in costumes (for my cast).

The situation is a bit strange because the cast B here never gets an orchestra rehearsal until we're up there doing it, and in our only theater run-through just the principals were in costume, and everyone else could be in street clothes.

It was close to impossible to feel like this would be a show-- especially since I got a late start today and didn't do any warmups besides a few lip trills in the shower.

It's strange how BOTH times when I had important run-throughs and I didn't really do my normal routine for warming up (and was actually running late in general), that the runs went the most smoothly.

Things to remember:
If I can JUST close that fourth wall and only react to everything onstage I have a much more calm perspective about my peformance, what I have to do, and my job out there.

No one is there except for the conductor...and the people onstage with me.

Ooooohhhhhmmmmmmm....

Next: If you're scared of heights don't do this production. Act III is 8 feet up in the air with no walls, creaky floorboards underneath you, and exactly a THREE foot deep and eight foot long playing area.

And lastly: If I ever learn how to walk with trains, long skirts, petticoats, and not feel like I'm about to trip over myself every second, I should get a prize.
Actually, I should get a prize if I can get up and down those stairs from the 8 ft. "loft" in Act III without completely walking "up" my dresses.

How do girls DO it with such ease and how come I always walk into my dresses!??!


And lastly lastly---
Relaaaaxxx guy!

I am feeling more and more confident about Sunday.

spring cleaning!

It's finally nice enough to have the windows open and the nice WARM sunny fresh air seeping through the screens.

I spent yesterday spring cleaning--in between being online and running back and forth from the laundry machine and my room.

I put the coats away in their trunk! I put MOST of the sweaters away. Frankly, I put most of my CLOTHES away (their usual home is on my bed after I've taken them out of the dryer, or on something else in my room that is NOT dressers of shelves).

Then I moved on to the piles of papers.
Tax papers that I haven't filed yet, recommendation letters for YAPs from years ago, records of everything, old planners with audition locations and what I sang.
Of course every year I look at these things while I'm packing or unpacking, and decide to keep them- just in case. And every year I use those things MAYBE once for reference..and otherwise they collect in paper piles in my room, office, and file cabinets.

I did all the dishes, dusted, washed my comforter cover (and put the SECOND comforter that I sleep with away!!!), and today I may even get around to vaccuming.

The strange thing about the beginning of spring is that I have no clothes for it.
I have so many sweaters from winter locations, great summer clothes from my summer vacations and visiting family in the "homeland", and nothing in between.

Today I must have put on 5 outfits before realizing that even though they looked good I had no SHOES to go with them, so I couldn't wear them.
I can't wear my nice heels to rehearsal, I have NO flats (I know, how did I miss that craze, you ask), and my sneaks don't really go with offwhite pants or capris!!

So I ended up in good ole' jeans and a light sweater. Must go shopping. Oh, no, wait- Must wait for hopefully large tax return and then go shopping.

run-through

This morning was my first full run-through of the show will full chorus. All of the "bosses" were there in the company- the prez, the artistic dir. and admins---not that I should have been surprised at this, but they came to rehearsal with the other cast last night, so I thought maybe I'd have a light morning and mark a bit, since I had a full run-through senza chorus yesterday afternoon.

Instead, I warmed up in three and a half minutes, and sang the best show I've sung so far...and got great feedback on the voice and the acting. Conductor said it was at a totally new level today and stay right there for next week's performance. Director had TWO notes on my French and that's it. And all of the staff was congratulatory as well.

Now, I'm not looking for congrats and accolades from these people. They are not my voice teachers or coaches, but they are what matters in this performance, and for my image at this company, and for my future with this company as well.

So I'm really proud of myself. I'm happy with my performance. And I'm even feeling less stressed and nervous about the whole thing in general.

I'm feeling more removed from those "what if..holy crap..oh god" moments with my nerves, and feeling closer to "yes! I am doing this...I love this" moments with the performance, the character, and my commitment.

That is NOT to say that next Sunday I won't be nervous or fear those demons creeping into my performance. But I'm so content right now with what I'm doing and how it feels. It's this euphoria that can make everything better and make this career and the insanity surrounding it all worth it.

Oh, and after the run? I came home and FELL into bed for 3.5 hours.
It felt SO good.

email update

I decided to go the personal route this time for the email notifications of my upcoming performance. I went through my inbox of folders, including summer-yap-last-year, summer-yap-two-years-ago, first-residency, directors, conductors, coaches, a few undergrad professors, and my "Music" folder which holds any music-related emails that can't be categorized. I sent out the emails today during my "nap" in between rehearsals.

And now, I'd like some love from the ladies. I hate how I feel in general the week before that "t.o.t.m." **. Chords just a bit more uncooperative, general sluggish body and energy, thick sounding voice, nothing in the middle is easy, and everything seems and sounds just a bit more muddy- and I'm working harder to keep pitch up because of that fatigue.
And of COURSE this has to happen on week pre-show, and then...show.
Ughghghg.

Not like I haven't dealt with it in shows before, but this one is just..different..and big..and important..and waaaa!!!




** TIME OF THE MONTH!!

If you think it's TMI, T.F.B.(too freakin bad).

24

No, not the show with JACK and his ticking clock- just MY past 24 hours:

5pm- leave for airport
5:25pm- park at airport, go through security.
5:40pm- realize that EVERY flight on every airline that has to go to Chicago is delayed by 4 hours or cancelled. (OH crap goes through mind --how will I get to NY?)
5:47- talk to American Airlines dude and ask him HOW I can get to anywhere on the East Coast by tomorrow at 7am.
5:53- Get a DIRECT flight on Northwest to NYC that evening! Leaving at 7pm!

10:50- arrive NYC.

Sleep very little at a friend's place because the stress of that day, and the upcoming travel stress of the next day woke me up every two hours--out of horrible dreams of missing flights and being fired...etc...

8am- wake up
8:45am- leave apt. on the way to audition.
9am- STUPID audition studio that SAID I'd have NO trouble doing a walk-in warmup room at 9am is BOOKED SOLID until 10:30am- thank goodness I did a FEW lip trills before leaving the house.
9:27am- hide in the Men's dressing room and try to warm up
9:32- get caught by studio guy who says that Equity would have a fit if they knew a girl was singing in the guy's dressing room.
9:32- Tell studio guy I'm not equity, I'm AGMA..and walk out of there.
9:55- Audition. Durch Z and Saper Vorreste.

Thoughts: As I was not fully warmed up, this was no CLOSE to my best, but I don't think bad by any standards either. I can never tell how many other kick ass Durch Z's they hear, with full high E's, great runs up to the E's and A's, and in general fun, good acting.
I could have had better legato, but that really is maybe my only thought about that...plus my general attitude didn't seem to all be there because I was worried about not being fully warm.
Oscar- awesome. Think I acted it the best ever- plus it was the first time I ever offered it...I like it so much better than long 'n boring O luce, and overdone Norina-- so maybe this will stick.

10:07- get downstairs and find Car service waiting.
10:47- arrive at Kennedy.
11:24- flight is SUPPOSED to be boarded and leave, but it's 30 minutes delayed.
2:02- arrive HERE.
2:11- after ridiculous airport run-around I FINALLY find where I parked my car and how to GET there (yes, I was at the right lot but somehow there were no elevators on MY side of the lot--so I had to go to another terminal practically--to get to my car on the 3rd floor)
2:32- ARRIVE AT REHEARSAL that began at 2:30!!!!!
5:30- End rehearsal exhausted, in my "plane" clothes, and go HOME to update blog, check email, and NAP until rehearsal tonight which is in 2 hours!!!!

I made it. It was crazy. And I don't want to have to do it again any time soon. But I did it this time, and luck was on my side.

luck be a lady

In 6 hours I'll be off attempting my 16 hour adventure in the skies.

But first- a run-through of Act I and II this morning. Off to warm up.

contact emails

I spent a good part of yesterday being a "good business-savvy" singer and composing emails to contacts about my upcoming performance.
Of course, it's always easy to keep in touch with the singers-- a mass email to one summer group here, a mass email to another summer group there, reminders of funny things that happened over the summer, and OH, btw- yes, I'm in this show in two weeks.

It's a whole different ballgame when you're emailing the coaches, directors, teachers, agents, conductors from those programs, and from any point in your career.

I have a few lists on my computer (either in old emails, or in actual word documents), of the names, emails, how I know them, how much contact I've had with them.

But it never fails- every time I am writing one of these emails I wonder how professional or unprofessional it is to "mass" email. I'm not talking about putting every person I know in one email. I'm talking about putting all the coaches/directors/conductors from ONE program on a mass email.

In the past I've done both a cut and paste job and made it personal, and I've also emailed a mass group. Sometimes I start with a mass group and then if they write back, I'll of course respond personally.

I haven't decided what to do this time.

And then there is the question of what really to say---because I know that 99.9 percent of them (minus one agent) will NOT come to the performance since
a. they do not live anywhere near here
b. they teach/coach/direct/conduct elsewhere
c. I'm not in NY where you can just get to the performance on a whim of the evening.

And THEY know that I know that, and therefore this "invitation" is just a "catch up"/connection email...and while I'm extremely good at the catch-up/keep in touch/news/press emails, and I know they can never hurt, I still think carefully about how to word these things and hope that they are always appropriate.

act iii roadblock

Act iii takes place in an 8x8 foot playing area meant to resemble a shack in the forest.
It is elevated from the main stage by about 10 inches, and while movement is tight and there are always at least two people (until daddy shows up to yell again) inside there, it's been a challenge to really give up the stage and take the stage in the short ariettas and duets that are found in that act.

But a matter of 2 steps can make a huge difference when the tenor is suddenly ending up singing his love duet upstage because YOU forgot to take 2 steps Down Left for him to turn and admire you.

I got another comment on being an "intelligent actress" today. In a good way- knowing what to do, what to motivate it to do--and then in a way as if to say- now we both know what you want to do, so just let it happen and don't "do" anything anymore.
I am sure I have a tendency in such a small space to want to do more with the "music". To motivate it, and decide on the moments where it motivates me and make them very strong.

But because it's such a "precious" playing area, it's reading a bit too strong. So I have to give up those thoughts and just go with what motivates me in the moment- not having the thought that I "KNOW" what that chord means and therefore I'll have a certain reaction or action.

I will take that comment well, as the director has repeatedly said that in our strange cast A/B situation he knows that once he sees me do it, it's convincing, and I have it, he is not worried about having to repeat it because he knows I'll find the right way anyway.

Cool.

In mild annoyances of the day, I can't sleep in general because I keep thinking about the time constraints of travel next week.
And what will happen if I don't make it.

Back to the roadblock. It's just very BUSY in that little 8x8 box and I feel like I'm thinking more about where I'm supposed to end up, than what my next line is.
I know, it's just one day after we staged it, but I still usually feel more comfortable about it than I do right now.

It'll be fine though.

lucky thing #1

Just found out the schedule is changing for next week and I indeed will NOT be in rehearsal until 5:30 and trying to make a 6:34 airplane.
Rather, I'll be having my cast's run through in the am.

ONE DOWN!!
ONE TO GO!
Need to make that NYC sedan drive like a bat out of hell to get to Kennedy on time AFTER my audition next week!
Pretty please please please.
:)

In other inspiring things o' the day,
the NYT article on acting and opera had a great line in it describing how Ali approached his fights- he never said he was going to beat someone, he was just going to sting them, and fly like a butterfly- etc- so much confidence and belief in what he was about that he just had to do what he did.

That is such a powerful approach I think- very much like the Mojo or the "F-U" approaches that are often discussed on NFCS to deal with stage fright, anxiety, nerves, and just power over others in your performance.

Having above average anxiety and nervousness about the upcoming performance since I get one shot, it's the biggest thing I will have ever sung and done in my singing career so far, and I KNOW that I can and will be great- but still have continuous butteflies in my stomach about it, reading that calmed me down for a second.

I DO know that I can do this. This is what I DO!
So just get out there and do it.
The best you can.
Oh I sound like a sad sad slogan.

Back to the coachings and rehearsals.
After today we will have staged the ENTIRE opera!
Yeaahhh!
Only 40 more pages and then I DIE of FLOWER poison on a small bed in a hidden shack in forest!

test run

Did a test run to the airport yesterday. Let's say rehearsal actually ends on time next week, and I am able to leave at 5:31. I made it through rush hour WITH most of the red lights in 26 minutes. That gives me 48 minutes to get through security and to the gate without the plane leaving without me. YEA!
I will DEFINITELY be on that plane!
Wooo Hooo!
One crazy plane ride accounted for.

Next I have to make my 45 minute connection, get to NY, sleep, kick ass at the audition at a too-early in the am time, and make the other plane FROM NYC back here! Well- we'll just hope that all works out.

more craziness

Ok.

Stress with travel.
Next week.
Have an audition.
In NOT this city.
Have to get from Here to airport-here in THIRTY minutes (in rush hour). Have to make first flight connection in 45 minutes. It usually takes 20 minutes with NO traffic. (13 miles)

Have to get from THERE to airport-there in THIRTY minutes (THERE being NYC- lower west side, and airport-there being Kennedy)..Oh lord please tell me it's possible at 10am with the fastest cab or car driver ever!!!

Have to get TO these flights, NOT be late, NOT freak out AND sing like the damn angels the day before, day of audition, and day of audition after flight back to HERE.

If I have ANY luck/pull/beshert/karma/etc this will all go smoothly and I will LAUGH about it on March 23rd after it's all over (and I kicked ass at the audition).

numb

I just had a coaching with the entire right side of my face and tongue numb. It went pretty well considering when I warmed up with lip trills I couldn't tell if my side was trilling along!

I decided to sing through Act III and work on the high floats in the "death aria(s)", and also work on line in those same arias and slow recit sections.

Rehearsal starts in an hour,but I may take a quick nap because waking up early, freaking out about needles and drills, and almost passing out when said needles were IN my mouth and I could FEEL as first my gum, then half tongue, then whole tongue and side got numb made me tired!

They take your blood pressure at this office before any procedures and mine was incredibly low this morning (I chalk it up to having just woken up). But as soon as that needle came into view my heart was racing.

Ouchie.

headache

What will make me feel better right now--- a mint milano cookie or some Advil?
Well, since my advil expired in '05 (oooops- just saw that one on the bottle) I guess mint milano it is!

Had a work-through of Act I today and it went really well. I got a wonderful comment from the director about my acting and how it was organic and coming across really well- which is why he felt comfortable tweaking more and more.

I can't decide if I want to sing through the whole opera every day from now until opening. I have a coaching tomorrow for an hour, and it would be almost-possible to do most of Act I and II. I know I'd feel better if I can just toss this off like anything else and not have to work at it--so maybe tomorrow when I hopefully don't have my headache I'll give it a try and see how long I can keep it up.

In store for tomorrow-- a trip to the DENTIST!!! Booo! To Xray my impacted wisdom teeth and let me know whether I need surgery this summer or not.

Plus, it's at 7:30am- TOTALLY not cool (but the only thing that fits in my schedule).

lakme/dirty pop

LOL.
I came home after an afternoon rehearsal and decided to go through all of my blocking for Act I (which we completed today), and after I did that (listening to Natalie Dessay on my ipod and of course singing along), I went through the rest of the opera (while baking brownies, checking my email and cleaning my room), and as soon as the last note of the opera was over- what is the next song that pops onto my playlist?
Yup, Jtimberlake, my dancin' singing' beat boxin' bfriend- Dirty Pop.

So I've come full circle from French Grand Opera to-- well, this hilarity.

It puts me in SUCH a good mood! If I EVER feel like I'm getting tired or low energy or too technique/acting/voice focused getting through something in the show again all I'm going to have to do is think about singing Dirty Pop as my encore (in my mind!) during the curtain call and everything will be ok in the world.

I kind of want to have a dance party in my apt. right now.
Love it.

a night out

Last night was the first time in a LONG time (longer than I'd like to admit), that I actually went "out" on the "town". Usually- and I know this is MILDLY lame- I just can't take it after a full day of rehearsal. I've given of myself (I know, froo froo artsy fartsy..but it's true) and I just don't have the energy to do anything else except maybe review what I've coached or staged that day, check my email, update blog, read nfcs and other blogs, and then magically it's 1 or 2 am and I should probably go to sleep.

Well, I saw a MOVIE last night! AND walked around downtown! (First day that the weather has permitted walking outside for pleasure since about November 5th).
It was relaxing, albeit strange to be doing something that had nothing to do with music or staging or current-yap.

I had such a nice energy rush that I ended up going to sleep around 3am (not good). It's now 1:11 and I have rehearsal at 2. AND I'm still in bed. AND I'm not warmed up. AND I want to stay here as long as possible---except that I have to "prettify" for the love duet staging in 45 minutes.

Ok, Ok! I'm getting up.

ps- comment spam? I hate you so much. Now you're going to have to type in that stupid code in those boxes that are too blurry half the time to see what the letter or number is anyway!
Take that!

pps- Chicago Opera Theater's season announcement is great. I knew 2 of the 3 through my all-googleous powers, and I hope that I get to see Adams' work at SOME point in life soon!

Is my singing too Google-icious for you babe?

I don't know HOW this happened to me, but as fate would have it, just FOUR days after I officially published my brand new website online, which is www.firstnamelastname.com, I received an email this morning from an acquaintance in Germany.
No, let me rephrase. I emailed this person from the NFCS forum to ask him a question about singing in Germany about 4 months ago. He emailed back. Basta.

SOMEHOW he googled me yesterday, saw my website, heard the clip of Olympia on it, and emailed me immediately because he was just notified that a certain A theater in Germany was auditioning for Olympia over the past 2 days.

He told me to ask current-yap-boss to call or email the KBB of this house, refer THEM to my website, and see what happens!!!

And so, it's done...and completely out of my hands (although never IN my hands) and if my new website can actually sell me to these people, or at least let them know that I exist in this big universe, AND that my Olympia is kick-ass with all of the high G's and on roller-skates or painted gold or whatever--then great!

How fun. I've been online all day due to an amazing non-crashing of the network that I borrow, and I plan to be on it some more tonight.

Tomorrow in staging: The British Airways/Ghirardeli chocolate/Diamond commercial duet music.

staging day one

In this production, we have a certain number of performances. I, as a resident artist, am getting to sing one performance as the leading role. While this is plenty for me, and an amazing opportunity, sometimes double casting situations can pose problems for directors, conductors, and the singers themselves.

Not in terms of competition and such, but in terms of logistics of staging.
I've been in A and B cast situations where A cast does everything, and B cast is pretty much a "cover" cast that sits there and never gets a chance to do it until it's their time to perform onstage.

I've also been in A/B situations where everything is completely equal, EVEN though everyone knows one is the "famous" cast and one is the "young artist" cast.

Well, my case is even stranger, because the "B" cast is just me. Every other role is single-cast (well, there was supposed to be a B cast Gerald as well, but things got complicated..longer story..for later)... so it's just ME who is out of the "rotation".

So either Nilakantha, Mallika and Hadji get to practice stuff over and over and over, or I don't get a chance to try it.
I thought that the situation would be closer to the latter in this case, since I even have a different conductor for my performance.

But after staging day 1 I'm happy to announce that yes, I let cast A do everything first, and yes, they spent more time shaping it and tweaking it,but for every 2 or 2.5 times that they ran a scene, I got to run it once afterwards, WITH notes about what to change the next time and sometimes even re-doing little sections to work on them.

I am really enjoying this director who comes to us from the previous production (he was the AD), and he IS French/Canadian and said that my French was Grrrreat! How awesome!
And those guys up in Canadaland are supposed to be real sticklers for pronounciation especially.

After a day of Indian-flavoured singing, we decided to continue the evening with Indian-flavoured dinner! (A great new vegetarian find with amazing Garlic Naan.....mmmm) and then of course some ice cream to cut the taste.

And now, sweet slumber.
And a costume fitting tomorrow!

back from chi-town

This morning I woke up at 4:45am again, got my butt to Midway, and flew back to current-yap for the first day of Lakme rehearsal.
I looked great, but felt so so so tired. And still do. Which is why I'm in bed right now, hoping to nap for an hour (even though I haaaate naps) before I have a dinner date with a friend of mine from undergrad.

Chicago is always a fun city, and I ALMOST got to meet GP---but due to impending snow and sleet at current-state, I had to go BACK to midway yesterday and attempt to fly out standby for the evening. Turns out- after I got to the airport FIVE hours after arriving there that same morning- that they don't LET you fly standby the day BEFORE your flight! They wanted me to pay full price plus 60 bucks to cancel my ticket to fly out Monday.

So I decided to chance the snow and stay over for the night. It WAS flurrying in chicago this morning, but my flight was not delayed or cancelled and I got back to current-yap state with an hour to spare to gussy up for rehearsal.

The audition.
Not much to say except that it was a long distance audition with a video camera and no one really officiating from a faculty position. At least that's how it felt. I sang well, was asked for 1 full piece and then 2 halves of 2 other pieces. That's really it. I felt like I had a great rapport OFF-screen- that is, they turned the camera off in between my pieces- and that's when they talked to me and I talked to them and really was myself. But alas, that will not be on the recording which the faculty judges from and will decide whether to invite me for the live final auditions.

Basta.
Tired.

chicago, performance, snow

Ok, in backwards order:

It's still snowing- a lot. Snow is SO much more fun when you have big white and pink fluffy snowboots, and I do!

We had a run-through this morning of the program for tomorrow night. I woke up feeling not so great and felt like I had to mark because otherwise I'd be straining and would feel the effects the next day.
Happily, though, I found that while I was marking my singing, I was not marking my performance. It's been really intimate working with our director on this, especially the Zerbinetta aria, and to get the kind of feedback that I have gotten is really rewarding, because I feel that I have put equally hard work into shaping this character onstage in such a short time.

And finally, even though it's only two days away, I haven't really thought much about my upcoming audition in Chicago on Monday.

I'll be flying in, as usual- extremely early, singing around noon, and flying out VERY early the next day to make it back for the first musical run-through of Lakme here.

My thoughts on auditioning for an "educational" type of program- even though this one is marketed as a young artist program, with a school name to back it up:
Well frankly, browsing through their current singers, it seems as if this particular place is a "holding pen" for talent, that releases its students as frequently as they get any kind of work, as long as the students have one or two roles in their operas each year.
There are many upcoming-big-named singers already here as 2nd, 3rd and 4th year "students", but from their own websites and resumes, most of those singers also seem to be working consistently in other productions throughout the year.

So of course if I were given the opportunity to join a place like this, while I wouldn't jumpat going back to school, I would also hope that my current and possible future engagements would be looked upon favorably outside of the program, and I'd be allowed to continue to pursue my normal, mainstage audition season and performances throughout my tenure there.

snow delay!!!

Opening scenes evening is cancelled tomorrow because of the massive snowstorm that is making its way across our city.
Now we have to wait until Saturday night to put up what I think (after all of my doubts due to few musical rehearsals and staging time) will be a very strong and even fun program!

Nothing else to do but bake banana bread and stay warm and snug with my current boyfriend- the internet (since the real one is so far away), and thursday night tv which I haven't had a chance to watch since I think I made time for it in high school! (But that was when Friends was on thursday nights--and then will and grace--and you just couldn't miss those shows and remain cool in high school).

zerbinetta staging awesome-ity/ness.

Tired.
Not much else to say after a day of 9am-7pm with one hour for lunch and staging and coaching the rest of the day.

NOW- to Zerbinetta staging!!!! Note to some- what follows may be not at all interesting to anyone except me because it's an exercise in remembering my blocking while also describing the feeling of the first staging of the "orgasm" cadenzas in the aria.
Ok, Ok, I guess that it MAY be interesting!! (scroll down almost to the end for that info)

We finally got through the first quintet today. It's going to be really cute. A mix of commedia, our own characters, and me flirting a lot--or course!

Aria:
Grossmachtige- bow to A, this first line is in "her" elevated style. Remeber that I'm always expecting to get an actual response from her after I sing every phrase- the aria doesn't go on in my mind. I WANT her to turn around and just agree with me so we can go on with the opera.

Jedoch, sind wir nicht frauen unter uns- A little more cutting and spiteful. Why hasn't she answered me or looked at me? Fine, I can play her game too- let me tempt her with the description of both of our womanly wiles.

Ein unbegreiflich---DON"T WALK AWAY FROM ME---Ein unbegreiflich herz!

--she walked away. Rude. Like a statue she stands there on her tomb.
Swoop around her SR (stage right) indicating the "fels" and "wellen" that she'd rather have the company of.

Prinzessin horen Sie mich an--- Right behind her.
Almost touch her shoulder out of pity. No, she doesn't have my respect...yet.

Verlassen- Climb up beside her. Describe those idiot men.
Ich, ich selber---the first inward realization that, wait...I actually feel like you do too.

Eine kurze nacht- in my own world, crouched on bench beside Ariadne, remembering the passion but also the hurt.

Verwandtlungen?- will you respond NOW? No. Ok, I'll go on. And be HONEST about it:
Noch glaub.
Noch bin ich war- XR, telling the real truth. Oh, no--self depricate- und doch ist es gelogen.
In between bearing my soul and not wanting to admit that I'm in the same position she is.

Betrug ich in endlich- She's goingaway! But--betrug ich ihn endlich und LIEB in noch recht!See what I said there? You are STILL leaving?
Ok, I'm a bit dejected now.
Noch glaub- to myself. My truth.

How do I deal? My commedia music INTO: so war:
See my purse at the bench- it has all of my tokens of love inside!
Pagliazzo- a locket, Mezzetin- a red rose, caviccio- a dirty letter, burratin- a box with ring inside- pasquarielo- perfume- and sometimes TWO- who wrote me THIS dirty little note.

DOCH niemals launen- But NEVER a caprice..always with motions...feelings... This wasn't just fleeting love- these things all mean something.

From letter to rose with ribbon-(staunen)
Das ein herz (to the box)
sich selber (CLOSE box) nicht versteht
Gar (to the locket)
nicht versteht- to the perfume.
and finally (ah) to the folded letter---
(this is the part where the director specifically wants me to use Dessay's opening of the letter scene inthe opera paris interpretation..ok, I'm down with it if it makes sense).

But I put my own twist on it at the end. Last three trills- touch objects, last arpeggio, gather them all in my arms.

Als ein Gott (1) Put things back in my purse. Be truthful about how they came forth.
Als ein Gott (2) Glass screen in my b/f now-- roll it DR
(it's getting good, really)
Als ein Gott (3) on the glass screen- pretending he's behind me. Hands run up and down him/it.
This is the slow-ish part where I get to take some time.
Hingegeben--- Jump off b/f, get ready for the excitement that's about to come.
I'm made weak in the knees (first Ah)
Find a place to sit (2nd ah)
Here it comes- third and HELD ah- lying down slowly backwards onthe bench...etc. etc. etc.

(yes I just yadda yadda yadda's sex)

Oh, a note to the reader IF you're still reading---
The FIRST time I did this I was on my back first and then...yea...I turned over and looked over my shoulder...
NOT exactly the picture of clean sex that the opera donors of age 65 and up may be "up" for...so that was nixed.
oh well--maybe for a younger crowd some day.

SO we cleaned it up and now I'm on my back for the held Ah's--kind of arching the back...well, you know just being real about it- and then for the final
Kamm der neue Gott gegangen I'm "recovering"- hands drop to the floor, head turns to the audience (it was previously up in that whole arched back/head back position)...

It's so cool. And hottt!
I loved staging it.
It felt really right and not inappropriate and necessary for the music. I mean, could Strauss have been any clearer about what he wanted? If this was just "excitement" at the ex-boyfriends I could play it that way too- but I'm glad that I get the chance to explore this side of it in my first ever staging and performance of it because that it what I would connect it most strongly to.

The best part is when Harlequin "walks in" on me toward the end and the recit that follows.
So verschieden geschaffen!!! Wonderful exhale.

night night.
sweeeet dreams!

competitions

It's that time of year- all of the YAPlication deadlines have passed, and now I move onto more fun perusals of websites for competitions.
Foundations, competitions, big or small--it's always a large crapshoot about whether you should apply, whether you should send them the app. fee, decide to travel there, etc.

A singer I met this summer has made absolutely an art out of it- deciding which ones to do, what dates (because they SO often are the last 2 weeks of May, and all over the US), did they pick a lyric sop. winner last year? If so, she's not going. If they picked a guy, she'll think about paying for travel out there, but only if the first through third prizes are over 1,000 dollars.
It's so exact- and it has paid off for her, definitely.

I'm approaching it in a bit more fun way for me.
Do I want to go visit my friends in Chicago when this competition is there? Sure- why not? An excuse to maybe get into the qualifying round of a large intl. competition, plus get to hang out in their great apt. and revisit old times.

Besides the 3 I've already sung in this year,
I'm set for 2 more (in April...one local, one NY), and have applications in the completion stages for three more--but here is where I run into the problems with the month of May.

May 15th- our official last day at current-yap. I'll start the drive back cross-country then.
May that week: competition number one that I'm already signed up for and have their finals on the 19th IF I make it.
May 22/23: competition number two finals IF I make it.
May 24: want to be flying across the ocean to my "homeland".
May 25-Jun.8th- possibly hopefully auditioning for the head of "homeland" opera.
ALSO May25-Jun.8th- HOPING that I can convince the nice people at the Belvedere competition that they should add an audition location for preliminaries IN my homeland-killing 2 birds with..you get it.

After Jun.8th- wait to see if I get into the finals of either Placido's huge competition or the Belvedere (if they give me my requested city audition)...and ALSO begin my new summer/life SOMEWHERE in Germany!!!

You can see how lugging all 6-8 of my opera scores for competitions (it's a rule), plus two gowns and yes, a suitcase filled with 2 months of summer/homeland clothes and weird/European summer clothes may prove a bit difficult in this situation.

hmm...
Well, at least I'm having fun sorting it out now. Later I'll just have to show up and sing pretty!

in the market

for some new arias.

There are a few competitions coming up that I'd like to apply for that have specific repertoire requirements- whether it be by time period or just whichever arias they list that are acceptable.
And I'm noticing that while a lot of the rep. that I sing is on there, it's not the repertoire that I would usually use for competitions.

Who wins a competition with Saper Vorreste? I don't know. But even though I sing it well, love it and even have it as an upcoming role!!!! (newsflash newsflash)...I don't think I'd put it on my list for these hugely famous international competitions.

What I WANT to sing is Lakme. It's not on the list.
Even the DOLL song is not on one of the lists.

So- for my early piece I think I'm learning Tornami.
I haven't done this simply because for a few years it was "the" coloratura baroque piece to sing. Maybe now I'll join the club.

Then I'm in between Queen (uber impressive) and Blondchen (uber cute) for the Mozarts,
in between O luce and Norina (both equally annoying to panels but equally awesomely fun for me),

and then both DO allow Zerbinetta (from different starting points---one is the whole thing, one is just So war through Als ein gott).

In my coaching today I decided to run through arias and see what kind of recording I could get and if it could be used for anything preliminary/screening-wise in the future.

Now these are all one-take, low-pressure situations in a decently live (but not too much reverb) room with a great pianist...
I got a great DurchZ, Queen, Oscar, a semi-good O luce- it was the best recit I've ever done but then I was feeling the burn as my hour of singing came to a close and that high G was not my favorite, and a preeeetttyyy good Zerbie from So war to the end, AND a good Chacun (which I haven't re-recorded since my heyday of singing it for everything two years ago).

Yea!

Back to the aria lists.
Looking at them always makes me want to pick up old music, pick new music, and learn more and more.
Things I haven't touched in at least a year or two that I'd love to pick up again:
Prendi, Fire Aria, Oscar(2), Juliette's Waltz, come per me-sovra il sen...and all the -ina/ettas that I haven't had the chance to practice or sing since I'm the resident "high coloratura" here and there is a soubrette/lyric who does all of the other roles.

New things:
Le coq d'or, crazy high French rep in general!, Mitridate, Mireille, ...so much more that I love, and wish was performed more often in the US.

Oh, and what am I doing on this Friday night?
Well, I've been at home puttering about since about 5pm, listening to the recordings I just did, googling (as usual)...singers, competitions, opera seasons...
updating my new and almost publishable website(!), and mostly hoping that this huge storm that is supposed to dump a foot of snow on us is all a big lie.

more zerbie

We had an hour coaching on the quintets before and after the aria today which went very well.

As I just posted on COT regarding the state of conservatory training in the US, I have to say that even though I'm well past that level of schooling, current-Yap is putting together a similar performance that disappoints me personally and musically.

We have to get it together by next Friday. We have had so far ONE day of staging, ONE full run-through of the scenes, and ONE coaching on it.

In the next four days we will have about an hour on music per day and an hour and a half to two hours of staging per day. Yes, it will be thrown up there, and it will be more high quality than any school production with bad languges, bad staging, and ill-prepared singers...we are after all YAP members who can get their crap together, have this opera learned cold and pull it off---but my artistic side will not be satisfied by this hurried manner of throwing something out there and not even getting to the stage of over-preparedness for the performance. A feeling which usually I really like to have when going into a performance.

So I'll be nervous not because it's a performance...but because it's a performance of something that I haven't had time to prove to myself that I can sing blindfolded, walking a tightrope, chewing gum, and doing my 2006 taxes at the same time.

staging part uno AND business stuff.

Ok, continuing on with Zerbie.
Today we began staging the first quintet where we try to convince Ariadne (both in and out of Commedia characters) that she shouldn't be sad.

Five pages and an hour and a half later, we have some awesome funny shtick and we're practically hyperventilating.

I knew there was a reason I practiced doing the Aria on my back, hanging from things, and with gymnastics involved!!

A lot of the "table work" of course got immediately thrown out the window as we were all coming up with "moves" to outdo each other onstage and still make it funny and make sense...but it's all inthe background. And that is what I think works best about things like this. You have your character and your intention so deeply committed and rooted in what you want to do, that you then have the freedom to play around with staging and none of that work falls apart or gets tossed aside.

This will be fun---now if we only had another whole week instead of 3 days to put the next 50 pages together.

haaa.

In music-business news, I received yet another "interesting" comment from someone of importance who may be a help to my career strides...who said that some feedback from a certain audition was- amazing high notes, so organic, we never worry when you go high and you can commit so much more to what you're doing because you're never worried about it either...BUT.
Ah yes, the but.
butt...
whatever---
the but was that someone on the panel felt that my middle voice had a slight flutter- This is the 2nd time this month I've gotten this feedback and it has prompted me to go back through ALL of my recordings- operas, lessons, piano arias, concerts..and seek out said flutter.
It's never never there. Not in performances, not in lessons. I sent mp3s to my current coach here, my teacher from undergrad, and my voice teacher from home.
They have never heard it, nor do they hear it in my arias and recordings.

So what IS it, if it is noticeable? Just my voice? Naturally? Nerves? Even though I SAY I'm not nervous and I don't FEEL nervous, are nerves somehow manifesting themselves through a flutter in my middle voice? And only in auditions? And not peformances???
I've posted about this before ...how totally calm in my head I can be and then the body does something to mess you up---like a manifestation of nerves that you can't even control because you DON"T think you're nervous!!

So, said person requested my recorded materials to continue to process my candidacy for possible representation by them...at some point in life- not now I think.

And said person said that other than that small comment which could be chalked up to either flying and singing on the same day, my sickness for the past 3 weeks, OR simply my insane subconscious foiling my plans to be the best coloratura soprano EVER....said person really likes my voice and thinks I can succeed.


cool.

owww...my most of me. and Zerbie breakdown.

Back in-state, and after the flight today and having to go immediately to 4 hours of rehearsals, when I got home at 5 I thought I'd take a little nap.
Fast forward- it's 10:35 and I just woke up. I was out cold.

Oddly enough my coaching today on Act III went REALLY well vocally! Hmm..should I not warm up, be overtired, and just "do it" and see what happens more often?

We are talking about process this week and next, regarding our scenes (that have to be staged and memorized and ready to go).

I never knew just a table read to reveal so much.

For example, we were discussing the Commedia characters in the quartet of Ariadne today- what we want, who we are, what's in the way of getting it, why we change our minds halfway through.

Then we get to the aria. Now, this is something I've always enjoyed for the "academic" challenge of singing it like Strauss meant it to be sung, and also of course for the "character".
But today I pulled out SO SO SO much more- from personal life and just making decisions about this character- that I know I'll never sing it the same way again.

So, my summary of what happened while breaking down the first section of the aria:
Grossmachtige prinzessin- I have to address you now in YOUR lofty operatic ways, because you will not stoop to be convinced by our troupe of actors and the "common man's music".
Objective: Get Ariadne to look up from her sulking about one man and one love.
Obstacle- she's not responsive.
Means: Describe my own past and how, though I don't go looking for multiple relationships at the same time, when they come my way they are really great, and- how can I blame myself for the advances of men and my weakness for not saying no?

Verlassen:
Siding with her that men are at fault for our affairs of the heart. Not working.

Eine kurze nacht: Describing these affairs and how exciting they are- trying to get a rise out of Ariadne for her to agree that my "common" view of of love--ie, my worldview, can be fun and exciting.
Cadenza on verwandtlungen- high to low- So, in my opinion it's the courting process. First the guy comes up to you, gives you some flowers, give you some chocolates..and in return gets to have a "hold" on me, lower and lower... not yet the orgasm though...save that for later cadenzas.

Noch glaub: Ok, shoot- my descriptions didn't work. I'm trying to have some girl talk with her and get her to see that waiting for this one true love isn't everything in the world.
But wait- what if she IS right? Let me describe what happens to me. Noch glaub ich dem einen ganz mich gehoren...

Here I am singing Ariadne's music. This is the lofty high stuff that the Composer thinks should be "real opera". I'm doing it because this is my truth and beginning of my transformation- which is the realization that Ariadne COULD be right in some ways.

My worldview has shaped by that which I have encountered. It never occured to me to hold out for one man. I take things as they come at me, and I end up hurt, but there is also pleasure involved.

Ich halte mich treu, und bin shon schlecht: I used to do this as a joke, but actually- yes, I AM true, and then those naughty men make me naughty.
It feels good. Should I want to feel anything else? Am I missing something by not waiting for one man?

Betrug ich ihn endlich und lieb in noch recht: I'm using your music here, Ariadne. But being the most honest about what I feel in these relationships. I give myself over to the moment. I'm transformed by their "love". This is what love is for me.
(Is there another way in my worldview?)

Well, that's as far as we got today. But the so war section and the als ein gott section will surely be just as interesting to delve into.

I think I discovered a sense of self-awareness through this table read that I didn't give Zerbie before. I thought she was a fun-loving gal just trying to make someone feel better about herself and tell her (Ariadne) that life isn't just about one guy.

But I have to be transformed as well, and that means questioning MY worldview as opposed to hers.
IS the love that I've experienced enough for me? Am I not just a tad bit bitter about having all of these physical relationships but not one love to really show for it?
How do I deal with that dichotomy when I'm trying to convince her not to wait for the god/man that she is holding out for?

And then there was the whole analogy that you could make to "saving yourself" for one man- emotionally, physically, etc.
HAVE I thought about that before? Was I WEAK to submit? Or did I actually WANT the advances towards me?
Is there some aspect of guilt or conscience that I feel? And is it guilt of the physical act? Or guilt that if in the future I DO find that ONE man, that I won't be "pure" like Ariadne is for him?

So many questions! It's so great. Seems like a ramble here, but I'll be re-reading this to remember my ideas I'm sure.

ummm...

NOT that I'll be doing this all night, but there is a 24 hour marathon of Law and Order on TNT.

I'm in another state right now, but tomorrow I'll be back "home", and well on my way (by 1pm) to rehearsing for the upcoming Ariadne.

Today: Sang really well. Made an executive decision not to start with what I was going to start with...

You know, sometimes you have the luck of seeing the list of singers that day, knowing that two of them sing the exact same repertoire you do (really really well!) except for ONE note (mine being one higher), and figuring that you have a better chance of getting called back if you sing something like Queen rather than competing on the cute/coloratura front.

And that's precisely what happened today.

Queen is no stretch for me on any day. It's just a "people's choice" kind of aria for me. Some like it in a silvery clean sound. Some want that warm honkin' thing, and some want a steely cold sound.

So that's what I sang--followed by ---good ole 2nd verse of doll (always...always..and thank goodness I love it so!)

Back to the music.