o sleep why dost thou

Since last Saturday night when I stayed up until 6:30am, I have been on the most insane sleep schedule. I'm not tired until 3am. So- even though I'm "in bed" by 11:30, I either a. play on my fun computer, or b. watch tv (which hasn't been in my room for over 2 years), or c. both.

By some miracle of the lord I have not been called to ANY coachings or rehearsals before noon this week, so it's turning out fine that I'm only up around 11:45am every day this week.

But NEXT week I start having things at 9am (gasp!). And by things at 9am, I mean, Queen of the Night at 9am! How do I fiiiixxxx it? I absolutely CANNOT calm down enough to actually fall asleep at midnight. Take the tv away? Leave the computer in another room--whatever will I do without online goodness?

more fun-ness

Just got an email saying that I'm accepted to the Sullivan Auditions in NYC. Woo hoo.
Now to narrow down the list to 5.
Ha.

g

"room-urrr" has it...

..that I'm mentioned favorably in this October's issue of Opera News in a summer review. No, I am not one of the divas in the issue, but diva-in-training maybe.
I just graduated to Huggies Pull-ups.

Maybe I should go try to find a copy.

-g

Gross! Machtige Prinzessin

I just spent the past 2 hrs listening to my new itunes purchase of dessay's and voigt's ariadne auf naxos. Pretty sweeeet.

Since my "workload", ie- singing, coachings, etc. has been pretty low because of opening week and me not being one of the mainstage singers, I've decided to fall back on my old score-study and learning antics. There is a list of roles that I eventually want to learn and have prepared- before I hopefully get hired to do them for the first time.
Zerbinetta is the top one. Got the aria down, the quartets seem pretty easy, it's that first duet that's a bit tricky I think.

Next would come more bel canto stuff that is done more often, and that I "look" the part of, rather than perhaps "sound" the part of (soubrette)... like Adina, Amina, Norina, then just for fun add Susanna, Despina, Zerlina (low but SO often performed!)

And then of course all of the crazy French coloratura repertoire that is a little out there and not done often, but the best in my voice.

Oh yea, and let's not forget the Mozart gals- Blondchen, Ilia, that crazy but awesome high G-hitting soprano from Mitridate

And then I come back to Strauss- Sophie, Fiakermilli...yes...love it.

And as dessert add le coq d'or and vixen in russian and czech.

D'oh! I forgot my fave -Cunegonde.


So much music, so little time. What I really should be spending time on is memorizing lakme..but I think I've gotten to the point where I don't want to memorize things without stylistic influences and ideas from coaches...so maybe just the French, and not the music- if that's even possible.

g

why

Why just when I feel like I'm getting somewhere in my career does the personal life get strained?
Oh yea, thee years of long distance. Riiight.

Questions my head is asking my heart and vice versa:
Could I not do auditions for summer stuff to be with him? Is it ego or career that's driving me to do these auditions? The 'norm', the 'path' of the young artist programs? prestige? what?

Could I see how many months from next year's season I can possibly be with him if not singing mainstage and just doing chorus (although that's not fair to the premise of this program)?

Could I be happy without doing any of the above two and being with him?
It's a given he's not going anywhere-he can't or else he won't graduate and move on to the next levels of research, internships, residency, etc.
So is it up to me? Or is it up to a break? Why couldn't we already be married with kids? Oh yea, because we're LONG DISTANCE for three years!

g

one more things: re-auditions

Oh yes, it's that joyful time again.
This year I have a few new thoughts and some perspective.

Well, I'm in a year round program right now. I have the option of staying here next year (assuming they like me after three mainstage roles this season, and depending on their season and casting for next year).

Now, what are summer programs for? Besides the musical/coaching/voice lesson benefits, aren't they really a place where you go to make contacts? Contacts from conductors, directors, coaches, teachers and singers, who will remember you, want to re-hire you for their own musical endeavors, and be able to recommend you to mainstage auditions and just the type of residency situation that I'm in currently?

In my opinion, and from the experience in two programs apprentice which I've had so far that is one of the best things that you can get out of a program for the future (besides of course the possible cover or supporting roles that you get to add to your resume).
But what do I do this summer?
What is really motivating me (besides the general competition of it all, and the "biggies" in terms of programs) to do a zillion auditions again?
Last year I sang for 21 programs. Yes, 21. More school, young artist summer programs, residencies, touring/ed type of deals...I wasn't burned out. I love auditioning. It was just a lot, and a lot of no's/yes's/maybe's to be waiting for as well. (ok, mostly no's.).

But two worked out! And that's why I had a great summer and am having a great beginning here so far.

So what do I do this summer? When I feel like my personal relationship needs more attention and togetherness, and nothing is really pulling me to do any of there programs besides just going because I got into a big name program (IF I even got in), and of course, the possibility of roles, new singers, new people to meet.... I mean, I know these programs are fun and great and learning experience, etc. etc. etc.

But what about spending time with someone that I love who may be moving to another country next July? When is it time to realize that my career can possibly be shaped without being a young artist for the summer? But instead, building a great relationship here, singing good roles, getting noticed for the, and then going out for mainstage auditions?
I'm just not sure. IS it time to realize it?

I'm still doing 7 or 8 auditions this fall. All to programs that are big names, or have good rep. But I'm still drawn to sending in the usual 10-15 applications to places just because. Just because they are also reputable young artists programs. Just because I'm NOT certain that I'll get automatically invited to where I spent this past summer, or that I'll get into any of the "biggies" (the only other programs I'm really applying for right now).

Still, what is this 'mentality' about getting into a program like Glimmerglas, Santa Fe, Merola or WolfTrap? Like those things can make or break your career if you get into them? Every time I have met someone who went there they say there were just as many singers who didn't make a career out of it, who won't make it, who just didn't have it or continue to have it to have a career or take it that one extra level.

Reading all of the FAQs about audition materials (ie, we receive 600 applications, we audition 500 of them live, 225 are sopranos) makes me feel good that I've already GOTTEN into three amazing programs. But when will I be able to not have to consider myself a young artist? I'm definitely of YOUNG young artist age. Every place I've been to I've been among the youngest singer...

Is there such a thing as young artist burnout, or am I just experience a mixture of emotions because for once I feel settled in my career for the next two years, and don't feel the need to prove myself somewhere for the summer, when I could be spending it making a lasting relationship closer before the long distance continues for a year?
Oh yea, and my best friend is getting married in August. The18th. No WAY any of the programs I'm looking into end by then.

What to do?
g

tech week

The first show of new company opens this Saturday. I suppose I'm getting more and more used to the 'theater' norms, meaning- dressers, beautiful costumes that fit, calls on time to wherever I have to be, someone to go to if there is something wrong, prompters, props that someone else takes care of when I'm offstage...I mean, all things that all professional theaters have, but when you really think about it, all of the shows that I did in undergrad and even some of the grad/summer programs/residencies that I've done have not afforded me the same treatment.
Yes, I'm in the chorus. But they know we're important, they don't waste our time, they care just as much about a crooked wig or a hemline on us as they do on the mainstage artists. It's kind of nice- all this professional attention.

What I'm used to: Church basement operas where some of your own pieces become your costume, where the set is also someone's day trip to Target and Michael's and then crafts project, where the director has no ASM and no one but you keeps track of your blocking, and especially where you get maybe two rehearsals with the orchestra and then do maybe two or three shows with a chorus of students, community members, to a small and probably not filled house.

What is now: Professional, paid chorus plus young artists, really famous singers, prepared orchestras, people that keep track of where your supposed to be (hey, I'm not saying I still don't, but for my type A personality that really meant that every "regional/community/school" show I was in, I was really paying attention to where everyone was supposed to be).

cool.

g

the state of my room

Ok, I've been here almost 20 days now.
1. All of the clothes are put away! In drawers that I assembled myself! Or in the closet.
2. The suitcases are not lying open on the floor, instead they've been filled up with extra sheets, smaller suitcases and extra tv/internet/any type of cable/plug that I've amassed over the past 6 years, and are PUT AWAY.
3. All of my receipts, tax forms, papers, papers papers- from the summer, contracts from last year and this year, etc...are in the correct filing drawer.

You really know you're settled when you unpack the photo albums and scrapbooks and find a place for them in your room.
Last year they sat in one of my bookshelves. Unfortunately for that shelf, it didn't make it over here, and now my new shelves are too not deep to hold the massive scrapbooks, so I've found a new home for them on top of a lovely tapestry-covered staples box (which is holding scores I won't use this year).
But before I placed them in their final resting spot for the moment, I had to take a look at the books.

I think I took to scrapbooking (not seriously, or dorkily) somewhere in my Senior year of highschool, when my mom pulled out all of our vacation pictures from a big box and asked me to sort them and put them in albums so she could send them to our cousins and grandparents- who had been there with us.

I took SO much time picking out the right color border for each shot! I'd thumb through magazines for appropriate letters/pictures to cut out, I'd add a little tag line under most pictures describing what was going on, who was in the pic, or where we were.

Ok, as I said- that was highschool. I had a bit more time on my hands, what with school from 8am-12pm, the special college classes I was enrolled in ONCE a week in the afternoons, and pretty much nothing to worry about after I was accepted to college.

Then I began putting my photos together in albums. No borders this time, but still those taglines and names of people (thank goodness--because now I'd have no idea who at least 1/3 of them are), and what we were doing.

So there is- Bat Mitzvah, surprise 16th bday party, junior prom, senior prom, trip to Italy, trip to France, senior post-prom trip to the Shore, (yes, NJ!), so many things that I don't ever, ever think about. Of course, looking through I still cringe at the fact that I still have AND wear some of those dresses- especially my Junior prom one! It's come in handy MORE than once!
I wonder where that watch went, or whatever happened to a certain skirt, I remember hanging out with people that I feel like I haven't talked to since I graduated, and how much fun I had, what good friends, how we said we'd always be in touch...etc. etc.

Next weekend my brother flies out to chicago to meet 4 of his guy friends from College- they started getting together ever year for at least one weekend and hanging out, catching up. It's a really nice idea. I'm actually planning the same this November with my two best friends from highschool. But what about all of the other ones? The best friend from Model U.N./Student Govt. who said we'd always stay in touch and one day run our own NGO together? Well, we didn't talk through college that much. We reconnected through friendster, actually, and now at least I know what she's studying for her Masters, and where.

The thing is, if we all got together in a big room for some sort of party or get-together (that is NOT a reunion), I'm sure things would be just as normal as they were Junior year, when we were hanging out in the student govt. office instead of going to Calculus class (with the excuse that we had a voice lesson..yes, in my highschool your choir director could schedule you for rehearsal during any period of school, so we pretty much took advantage of that one majorly...ie, no gym senior year!). I know we'd reconnect, remember, catch up, rerun the past 4-6 years of not being in highschool, but being in college, grad school, work, etc.

It would be nice, but who instigates those kinds of things, when none of us nor our parents even live where we went to highschool? I guess just pick any city and send out a mass email saying this is the weekend I want to get together with as many people as possible? Oh, and btw- if you live in said city, do you want to host the party?

I feel the same thing for undergrad friends. It's just so easy to lose touch these days with "business" of daily life. Meaning- yes, I have time to call people, but when I look through the phonebook on my cellphone, how RANDOM would it be for me to call up these people who I haven't talked to in OVER two years possibly? I could just send the impersonal personal email, I know. But they could too, right?

The Jewish new year is coming up- a time to reevaluate and to reconnect. Perhaps a good time for that phone call or email after all this time.

g

online romp

Now that I'm officially "borrowing" wireless from "Jays Network" in my building (calm down! My order installation guy is supposed to come today between 12 and 3!), I can get back to spending every second of my free time online.
There is just SO much to do!

First of all, I need a new Italian aria. So- thanks to itunes music store, Joan Sutherland, Beverly Sills and Sumi Jo, I have some new lovely listening to do in everything from Piccinni to Handel to Bellini to Mozart. The goal- a SHORT, HIGH piece. Preferably NOT ABA, but if it's short and high, I'll consider it. And oh yea, Italian. Because I'm sick of singing o luce, people hate norina, Oscar is boring, caro nome is being taken over by lyrics, and I want to find something random and cool to be my Italian piece that not that many people know- since all my other people are coloratura party tunes.

Well, of course it wasn't just enough to listen to the music, so while downloading, I was perusing synopses, cd track names, translations, online scores--which took me on a google exploration of the local university library policies for checking things out or going in there and making "study" copies of scores--and then there was always my email check-in refresh tab every 5-7 minutes.

Oh yeah, I also ordered my kodakgallery photos (finally) from the summer and this past year- so now instead of looking online to remember what I did and who my friends were, I'm going to receive about 150 photos to put in many scrapbooks and albums over the next few weeks...yea, like I'll have time for that now that I have the internet EVERY DAY!

Then I checked in with Strong Bad, the NYtimes, the forum, which led me on another trip down google lane about summer programs, people already cast in summer shows, audition dates, deadlines, googling MORE singers, googling ME and being reminded of how crappppy my website is and how much I need to update it with at least my current resume! ...and basically since having internet I've spent about 40 dollars since last night at 11pm.
Lovely.

Maybe now that I have internet I'll also pay my online credit card bill from this last month of the move/ new ikea furniture splurge/ buying out target and walmart for household items.

g

Back in the saddle again...

Well, I made it back to new State for concert number two last Sunday, which again, went well for me. I'm glad I have somewhere to possibly return in the coming years (as singers are invited back for pretty much as long as they want) and participate in a concert with orchestra, good conducting, a great audience, and some moolah.

Back to work it was this week, with coachings by "Claude I hate you" Frenchman---not his real name, obviously! We worked on Lakme in the first class, and he mentioned the "3rd eye" in not so many words, but basically said that he didn't believe me because as beautiful as the voice was working and the technique was working, it wasn't in my eyes all the time. Sometimes it was....sometimes not.

I love when these master teachers ask the class- didn't you hear that? How different/better was that? Everyone nods enthusiastically- which is great. Except that I can't hear anything different. The only thing I did was try to make my eyes a little more playful, and perhaps play out a scene in front of my eyes as I was singing/dancing/shaking my booty/doing Tai Chi around the room while I was singing (an "I hate you Claude" direction).

So- I suppose I did good work. What did I learn? Loosen up while singing? (duh). Think nothing about technique,placement, etc...and ONLY the words (hmm, this sounds familiar, like I've blogged about it before)... So, words and eyes...and making those audience members who are paying 200 bucks to come see me, BELIEVE that I'm Lakme.

Fin for the day.
Once concert and one free dinner to go until bedtime!

-g

the sky is falling

In more ways than one.
First of all, it's 10:05 Eastern Time. Yes, that means I made my flight this morning after waking up at 4:30am, got to Boston, had an almost relationship-ending evening which was salvaged by a tearful phonecall after 5 hours together and then 30 minutes apart (although those 5 hours seemed more alone than ever), and now have to attempt to not cry through the night and learn the two duets that I'm supposed to perform in yet another scholarship/competition/foundation concert thingie tomorrow afternoon.
I'm being paid the "big bucks" for this one, so I best not mess up the words to Belle Nuit or Libiamo- both completely inappropriate for my voice but requested by the conductor and the concert coordinator, and despite the mild but direct objections I raised, still insisted upone since the concert with orchestra will be outside and mic'd.
Umm... le temps fuit et sans retour ...something something tendresse/ivresse?
something something something something...le temps fuit sans retour.
Zephyrs embraces, verses nous vos caresses, zephyrs embraces donnez vous vos baisers...
vos baisers???

That could be something like Belle nuit.

And the libiamo lines? Lord. Tutto e follie follie something about mondo che cio non e?
And then La vita e nel ripiudio??? What?
I am so so so in trouble.
Do I look at the words now, or go to sleep and wakeup early to do the drive out to the rehearsal (2hrs) and hope to drill the words in the car?

This night has been too long.
g

It's been way too long

Oh my goodness!
I've been in New State for 8 days, have so much news, and have no internet to write about it!!!
Ok, well, first of all. I got 2nd place in the competition last Saturday night. That means an incredibly nice chunk of change (which is why I splurged and bought that Ikea bed I've been eyeing for the past few months), some great new contacts, and another lovely line on the resume which makes me look Eeeeeven more talented- if that's at all possible! haha. really, just kidding.

Then came the 22 hour drive here. It was rainy, foggy, chicago stopover was beautiful and fun, pirate mini-golf was relationship-saving, and then there was the new apartment. Beautiful, just what I wanted, grown-up, fancy shmancy, and I"m really happy with it.

I had no furniture the first day and a half. Then I bought a bed set at Ikea. Then I went back and bought the matching shelving units and have the dresser on order. In the meantime, I'm still living out of suitcases, but everything else is ALMOST put away in my room.
I have no food in the apt., but all in due time.

The program here. It's been wonderful. It deserves its own post about coming here, the first day, the first yoga and tai chi class, and so on and so forth. Right now from the "resident artist" computer I'm hogging precious email time.

So what I will say is that I'm happy. I'm being shown that I'm wanted and talented here, being paid for it, having a good time not worrying about money and just thinking about all of the great music that I'm going to be learning this year.

-g

technique of the week

I will now attempt to describe the magic that occured in my lessons today and yesterday- the first in two months since this summer program.

1. On a supported 'ng', sing a note with one nostril blocked. Feel that point right in the middle of the forehead? And that buzzing in the top of the nose? And how the eyes are engaged?
Now sing any vowel, word, note, etc. It shall thenceforth sound as resonant and supported and free as it will ever be.

note to self: stop cheating and making up voices to try to achieve that same sound- because you can achieve that same sound, but not that feeling of ring/buzz/freedom any other way but the right way.

2. Starting on an A below middle C, sing in speaking voice: Ah, eh, Ee, Oh, Oo (on C, D,C,D,C) just the last Ooh. Go up lightly by halfsteps to the F above middle C, slowly adding the "singing" voice into the "spoken" voice.
From nowforth warming up low will completely make the extreme high Q's and the usually weird passagio middle seem like angel food cake melting in my mouth.

There were about 4 more that did the trick as well, but in the end it was me who realized that there are no tricks, there is just singing freely, and understanding what that feeling is. I can oversupport, undersupport, oversing, undersing, chew words, have lazy vowels- and I do all of these things for the sound that I think my head is what is coming out of my mouth. But what I have to do is totally trust in that original free sound first, not what I think I have to do to make it.
What I really have to do is nothing- just let the voice be, smile in the eyes, and love what I do.

g

leavin' in a packed car

This morning was reserved for sleeping late, being woken up by young artists who stayed up all night and were still somewhat tipsy and running their mouths about all of the last night "get togethers" that some pairs seemed to be having in their respective rooms.
Then it was on to packing. One suitcase down, one half of a messy room to go.
The question is- do I do my laundry today? Oh how I despise doing laundry when it's not in my own apartment.
But it's even more disgusting to have it in my car in a bag dirty!
I think I have to do it today.

The major things I have left to pack into my last empty suitcase are- very few clothes, the dirty-now-clean clothes when I wash them, much music, sheetmusic, scores, papers that I'm keeping and will maybe scrapbook with pics from the program, shoes, all of my electric/computer/minidisk/camera/ipod wires and wares, and my dvds and I think that's about it! I may make it out of here by Tuesday at 8am as planned if I can actually choose the outfits I'll wear for the next two days and really zip up every other bag that I own.

I just gave away a very nice pair of heels that I bought 6 months ago. I've worn them once, I find them uncomfortable (although that is the case with all my heels except for 2 pairs), and it was nice to make someone else who is a size 7.5 happy.

g

upon relistening

Yes, it's 3:33am.
And I've just played through every recording that I have of me singing on my itunes.
Undergraduate recital, graduate recital, and some operas in between.

Hmmm.
Ok, undergrad: lighter, sweeter, less vibrato-much less.
Operas through now- umm, I sound older, the vibrato is much more pronounced. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I mean, really- how much squillo should one hear in the voice? I feel like there is almost no just held out note anymore since you can always hear the ring. In the doll last summer you can't because it's only coloratura. In the recital pieces it's all over the place and horribly annoying (I hated my recital anyway), in the arias from last september I sound the best I think. Settled vocally, but not this almost too pingy vibrato vibration thing that I hear going on in my recital and today's scene--NOW, a huge reason for this may be that I was really nervous for both, and wasn't in a technically and vocally good place. No excuses, but I did feel like crap today, and I know my recital was in a vocal/technique bad place for me...but how do I get that line? And do I still have it? Dammit, the minidisk shall now be my best friend.

g

scenes

This afternoon was the opera scenes performance for the studio artists.
As I said in my exit interview, I wish these scenes would have been assigned and coached earlier. Actually, they were assigned the second week, but they were not coached or staged until the week and a half leading up to the program today.
Now, if I would have been given an easier or shorter scene than letter aria and the two duets following it from Baby Doe, then I may not have felt so ill at ease.
I hate the feeling of knowing that I could do better in every way--vocal, dramatic, etc.- in an assigned piece of music if I just had a little more time. And that is what I felt today.

I listened to it afterwards on my minidisk. This must have been the first thing I've recorded since Queen in February, and maybe Lucia before that.

Oh, and my graduate recital in March.

Comments:
I didn't really know that that's how I sound. At least on lyric things.
I know in coloratura stuff it's just a lot easier, pingy, bright, clear, pointed (but in a good way).
In this lyric stuff I'm a bit more concerned with phrasing. I think that will be the key work of this upcoming year in terms of my work. It's not pitches that are under, it's that I'm not supporting through until the end of the phrase, or I'm overattacking the onset, and pushing into something that I don't need to- making things sound- dare I say it--pitchy? It's there, and then not there for a split second, and then it's fine again...and I can tell it's because of the breath or nonbreath that I took to get there, and also because I was only thinking of that one note- not what came after it, not how long it was, and not that I had to shape it.

I'm going to listen again now.
Oh the torture.
I guess I should start recording myself a LOT more often. Because to me, this isn't necessarily the sound that I want. I know I've been working on the middle. And it's stronger, more present, and round. And the top is always there...but in these pieces that aren't just coloratura I don'tknow if I just pushed today, or I was nervous, or was thinking about it too much,but it wasn't the sound that I thought I had on this.

hmmm
g

anticipayayshun

At this time next week I will be probably on the road after having spent a day and a half seeing friends, teachers and coaches one last time before I leave for the big move. I'll be on my way to my parents' house to load up the car, then do one last competition, and then drive across the country.

Until that happens though, the following:
Opening night, scenes program, closing night.

I got the dancing down, I even swish my skirt for the opera.
It's the scenes that I feel less good about.

In some programs you receive your scene/role assignments well in advance of arrival. Here you receive them sometime during week two.
I have "learned" it. I know the notes, words (I hope!), style, history, but I can't say that I've routined this large scene to a place where I feel comfortable performing an aria, duet, arietta, duet for 10 minutes and not thinking at some point about notes, words, technique, staging. In other words, how do I fake this feeling and make everything seem natural and easy?

Usually before performing an aria I would have had a chance to sing it for at least a teacher and a coach. Get some feedback. Maybe do it in a masterclass setting to see how it goes.
Now I'm just up there winging-but-hopefully-it-doesn't-look-like-I'm-winging it.

Then there are ensembles- two duets- where if anything, the reaction of the person who is not singing is stronger than the one who is. I would just like to spend more than 30 minutes on it musically and then 30 minutes dramatically before the run-through (tomorrow) and the dress (Friday) and the performance (Saturday).

I'm just frustrated because I know there is so much more that COULD be done, that COULD be in the scene dramatically and vocally, that MAY not happen just because we haven't had two to three solid hours of run-through. In fact, I think it's been around 1 hour musically (for three people in a 10 minute scene) and 45 minutes for staging.
It's not that I can't "work under these conditions" I just know that I have more, I can do better, I can give more and make it more.

g

business issues

I've drafted all of the thank you notes/emails that I'd like to send, and am polling some other singers right now about whether/what format to send them.
Here is my view.

We are already at a program this summer, which already distinguished us from the "masses" of general NY auditions in December (which I would NOT write thank-you notes for unless I had a great audition and they talked to me a lot after it). These people came here specifically to see their artists that they represent (if they're management companies), or to see a certain production, or to have a mini-session with the young artists here.

They also happened to get an audition session with us for 5-7 minutes. There was no real conversation, there was no real feedback, but I sang well at all of the auditions. Is it NOT a good idea to send them a card or an email saying- thank you for taking an interest in the careers of young artists here, and for hearing us at the short auditions--I hope to sing for you again in the future...etc. etc.?

I mean, is that really an inconvenience or a wrong thing to do?

I don't think it's TOO much of sucking up.
I'm being honest. I appreciate that they dragged their butts all the way out here to hear 27 artists for 5 minutes each, they went to a concert or the opera, and then went on their way. I appreciate that I am now in their "files", and that maybe I'll get a chance to sing for them again in the future. I'm not expecting a job (although two people have gotten called for outreach from one company), they saw on my resume where I'm going next year, I'd just like to be polite and say thank you, and if you have any feedback I'd be very appreciative to hear it.

The second issue is whether to send emails or real handwritten letters. Now, there are two companies here who are really big and I'd like to continue to be in touch with in the future who I don't want to mess anything up with by sending them an email which they may think is impersonal as they have only met me in an audition for 5 minutes....OR by sending them a handwritten note which has to go through 3 administrative assistants before it gets to them on their desk..and then they have to answer me by email which turned out to be their preferred method of communication anyway.

Therein lies the problem.
I could "find out" their emails because people here know them personally and know how to get in touch with them, but the company websites don't list direct emails for them, and only give their mailing addresses.

I know that I impressed one v.i.p. and I'd like to stay in touch with them and make sure that they know about what I'm doing. And their email address is not public, but there are people here who know it.
I also know at that same audition someone from a big house with a big YAP residency program was also impressed...and I would again, like to say thank you ...especially since they both sat down and had a Q&A session with the artists here after the auditions.

So, that's it.
I think it's old-school mail for those two.

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remember to not forget....

Masterclass today with the director of the program.
I was on the fence between Zerbie and O luce- bel canto won out- also I think I have a better handle on Zerb dramatically than the "ah's" of joy in O luce.

But, breakthrough of all breakthroughs--- I don't have to be cute and sweet in every ingenoue role that I play!

O luce has happy words in it, it has happy music, but I"M NOT HAPPY! I'm a teenager who is not "wishing" for her love to show up....I'm dreading the fact that he hasn't shown up yet and that he may NEVER show up!
Wow, did that ever change the aria.

So I grew up. Welcome to adulthood. The stakes were raised. I was not wishing and hoping and pining and lovey. I was hurt and scared and confused and wanting so so badly for him to show up because if he didn't I'd just die.

Notes to remember:
Arm tension- and here I thought my gestures were so well planned. Well, they are but they were all inward or sideways..nothing out and longing. So, add that.

Don't explain through gestures. Say the words.

Musical beats- the aria/cadenza/line doesn't end when I stop singing or when the music stops. It ends when I have a new musical beat/thought.

Want it want it want it so badly that I can't do anything but express myself through that final cadenza with my hands reaching toward him.

And then of course hit that g.

All of this brings new light into my arias..that I say that I hate all the time- but really it's because I feel like I have to be this sweet thing, or this coy thing, or this excited young thing. I think young is the key word--that I don't want to really be, but all of these character are...but you know---the younger, the more immature, the more melodramatic-the more things really are life and death.

I had a Zerbie coaching afterwards and I really felt more grown up. I was instructing, I was actually telling the honest truth about myself, the character, the truth about relationships that don't work out, men and women--it felt really good.

So, to rethink my "cute" rep. in that manner will be really exciting for me over the last 11 days that I'm here, where hopefully I'll get to have some more coachings on most anything I do to get these back into singing shape.

Other news- got asked to do a concert in NY in september..but have to get a release from company-to-be---have sent an email asking for the release, no response...
I don't care SO much if I dont sing the concert, I'd just like to be able to tell the maestro and the planners that I can't do it..like- soon.
I guess I'll have to call them on Monday if I don't get an email.

What else?
Things are not yet winding down here. Last opera full of dancing and singing, scenes program. Cunegonde and Baby Doe (letter scene and the two duets following). I have never done the Baby Doe before (well, I sing the other two arias), but this is the first program to put me in something inherently not just coloratura, and it's fun and pretty and I feel good about it.
Too many words in Candide, and you'd think that I know it since I've done both of those scenes before, but with each new staging every year you get a taste for something different and get all flustered eventually. I hope we have one more run-through before the dress rehearsal!

I haven't done nearly as much work on Lakme as I would have liked to this summer. I actually don't think I've listened to it once. I "know" it--on book-- for pretty much the entire show. But my memory has not been tested nor have I started to test it. I have to decide whether to work from the French or from the English.
It's the only language where I actually KNOW what the words mean, so I have to decide whether to try and memorize it only fromthe French and then inherently know the meaning while I sing, or memorize it from the meaning (meaning I think ahead in English and then say the French). It may sound dumb, but it's kind of complicated.
I want the words to roll right off- and it seems that just doing French would be what I should do...but then what if I have a brain freeze at some point? Then I won't have any clue what the next French word is because I didn't learn it through the English, I just learned it in the French getting ready to know what I wanted to say as I say it (which to me is what it SHOULD be, but it's a danger as well).
Ok, too confused and complicated to go any further.
Maybe I'll just listen to it tonight with my score open!

Yoga tomorrow (last class), and then tech at the theater all day (hooray for sneakers and marking).

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get 'er done

Whew,
Ok, I just composed about 5 different versions of emails and thank you letters that I think I can work with as basic texts for all of the thank you/I'm still alive/how are you/aren't I wonderful emails and notes that I have to send within the next two weeks.

And it's 2:14am. wonderful.

For the past 3 days we've had a yoga class here.
This is my previous experience with yoga.

South Beach, family vacation 2004- did my first "Hot" yoga class, felt awesome, got hungry on the 20 block walk back to the hotel with my cousins, stopped for Greek food, got food poisoning for the next three days and wore a SWEATSHIRT on the beach in december, looking more pale than Hussein on the 17th day of his hunger strike.

Signed up for a 6 class community college yoga thing for 50 bucks this year. Went once- awesome. Went a second week- awesome. Felt really good after both of those sessions. Week three- was a little tired. Ate dinner instead. Weeks 4-6- well, if I already missed week 3 I may as well not go to any of them.

Here is the thing. I like starting all of these things. Things that make me feel better about myself. Going to the gym, eating right, and yes, even doing yoga. Medidating, writing in a journal every night, writing letters, keeping in touch with friends not just by impersonal emails...I mean, the list really does go on....
but what ends up happening is that I'm great for about 2 or 3 weeks, and then in fizzles off, as something more important like music takes its place. Things to learn, things to sing, things I have to be listening to and working on, tests, students, what have you.

Next year I have no excuse I think because I have to take those classes as part of the program, and I can't set my alarm for 5:50am to go to the gym and then wake up and decide it's too cold to get out of bed.

So, about this yoga.
It's called---umm, kundelini? That is probably really wrong.
It's about Mudras and chanting and breathing and light and energy. It's definitely not about downward facing dog.
I feel really relaxed and peaceful afterwards, but everyone has been coming up to me asking if I'm ok. Yes I'm ok! Can I not be pensive and thoughtful after meditating on "The Word?"?
But I also feel a bit restless. Because although I do not identify with the chanting, and don't believe all of the scientific background of "touch your pinky to your thumb for 11 minutes and it will stop a heart attack" business, I do feel like I am somehow centered, and able to tap into something that I usually keep closed. Maybe all those "emotions" that girls are always supposed to be having. Those ones that I don't show anyone??? Yes.

They come out sometimes, but I'm usually quick to dismiss and disengage. I don't need that drama.
But just breathing and thinking and seeing pictures of family, friends, love, flying in front of my closed eyes, gave me a sense of center that I have not had in a while- being here and only being surrounded by music music music drama drama drama in opera bootcamp.

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