Ok, I just composed about 5 different versions of emails and thank you letters that I think I can work with as basic texts for all of the thank you/I'm still alive/how are you/aren't I wonderful emails and notes that I have to send within the next two weeks.
And it's 2:14am. wonderful.
For the past 3 days we've had a yoga class here.
This is my previous experience with yoga.
South Beach, family vacation 2004- did my first "Hot" yoga class, felt awesome, got hungry on the 20 block walk back to the hotel with my cousins, stopped for Greek food, got food poisoning for the next three days and wore a SWEATSHIRT on the beach in december, looking more pale than Hussein on the 17th day of his hunger strike.
Signed up for a 6 class community college yoga thing for 50 bucks this year. Went once- awesome. Went a second week- awesome. Felt really good after both of those sessions. Week three- was a little tired. Ate dinner instead. Weeks 4-6- well, if I already missed week 3 I may as well not go to any of them.
Here is the thing. I like starting all of these things. Things that make me feel better about myself. Going to the gym, eating right, and yes, even doing yoga. Medidating, writing in a journal every night, writing letters, keeping in touch with friends not just by impersonal emails...I mean, the list really does go on....
but what ends up happening is that I'm great for about 2 or 3 weeks, and then in fizzles off, as something more important like music takes its place. Things to learn, things to sing, things I have to be listening to and working on, tests, students, what have you.
Next year I have no excuse I think because I have to take those classes as part of the program, and I can't set my alarm for 5:50am to go to the gym and then wake up and decide it's too cold to get out of bed.
So, about this yoga.
It's called---umm, kundelini? That is probably really wrong.
It's about Mudras and chanting and breathing and light and energy. It's definitely not about downward facing dog.
I feel really relaxed and peaceful afterwards, but everyone has been coming up to me asking if I'm ok. Yes I'm ok! Can I not be pensive and thoughtful after meditating on "The Word?"?
But I also feel a bit restless. Because although I do not identify with the chanting, and don't believe all of the scientific background of "touch your pinky to your thumb for 11 minutes and it will stop a heart attack" business, I do feel like I am somehow centered, and able to tap into something that I usually keep closed. Maybe all those "emotions" that girls are always supposed to be having. Those ones that I don't show anyone??? Yes.
They come out sometimes, but I'm usually quick to dismiss and disengage. I don't need that drama.
But just breathing and thinking and seeing pictures of family, friends, love, flying in front of my closed eyes, gave me a sense of center that I have not had in a while- being here and only being surrounded by music music music drama drama drama in opera bootcamp.