I know, it's only Friday.
I still have to close the show on Saturday night.
But I still think about what's ahead.
And what's behind.
Audition this past week for some guys from across the pond.
Just general rep.
Zerbie as usual went fine, better than fine, etc.
Then I give them ALL my other rep. to choose from--DurchZ, Queen, Oscar, Marie, Glitter..and they choose--another German..Queen.
I mean, really
You don't believe I have the F's?
Oh, I beg to differ!!!
So I'm singing it. And then this weird thing happened. I was like, VERY aware of my singing. Instead of just being able to be in the moment and enjoy, all of a sudden, I was very present in my body and mind and it started messing with me.
DID I just sing that F right? Was that cadenza perfect? I'm on the next notes already but still trying to analyze whether the D was high enough.
All the notes were there, but I felt like my mind was racing about things, and trying to LISTEN for some reason, instead of 'just do it'.
I DID NOT like it!
Don't really have any general or specific feedback yet. But the crazy thing is, I know I sang all the notes right, and was 'artistic'/'musical' about it..but I still don't think..for whatever reason..that it was a good audition.
Even though I hit the F's?
EVEN though I hit the F's.
The strange feeling continued all day and my over-analysis continued as well...But I don't have a recording, I don't have any specific feedback of good/bad, and so I just have to deal with it.
All I know is that it better not happen again anytime soon.
Next week (after closing of the show):
REALLY REALLY going to try to see one of the last "Fille" performances...and since everything is all sold out and I don't have friends in high places (well, even though DO know the leading tenor, even HE can't get me tix!!), I"ll be sitting on the floor starting at noon or 1pm or whenever I get to the box office, waiting in that line of people hoping to be among the first 50 to get rush tickets for that same evening.
Maybe finals of the competition?
LEARNING NEXT ROLE!!!!
(maybe the more I type that the more motivation I'll have for actually opening the score...)