13 April, 2008


I've had conversations recently with a few different people about having a career and being in a relationship.
I've heard things like-
wow, with all that traveling, you must be lonely.
it must be so amazing to travel so much.
how often do you come back to nyc?
how often are you on the road?
where is all of your stuff?
where do you see yourself in a few years?
what is the ultimate goal for you in your career?

At first, after I explain my 'cool' and 'artsy' non-9-5 lifestyle that involves living mostly out of 2 large suitcases, being in different cities for about half of the year, living on friend's couches, subletting in nyc, traveling some more, rehearsal process, how you can have between 1 and around 8 or 10 shows after only 3 weeks of rehearsal, etc. etc., everyone thinks that's so cool.
Wow, doing what I love. Having an agent. Getting 'gigs'. Meeting people, traveling, how do you memorize 400 pages of Italian.

And then it's- well, how do "I" (meaning, they) fit into this picture--or could possibly fit into this picture--depending on the friend or situation.
It's the 'where do you see yourself' question.

Where do I SEE myself--meaning, in the 'best of all possible worlds'?
Or which direction am I realistically hoping to be working in?

Best of all possible worlds:
I get hired by one place in one city for 3/4 of the year or more (and by place I mean a famous opera house in one of TWO ...or maybe three...cities in the US, and one of five or six cities internationally) to miraculously sing a NUMBER of roles in a NUMBER shows in their season.
I can make my home in that city of choice (which is already a 'choice' city on my list), make enough money to be calling what I'm doing a career for most of the year, meet the man of my dreams, be in the same city, pop out some kids and still have a full-time career (after the kid-popping that is), visit my family (and most likely his, too) abroad in the summers, and continue with 'music love' and 'life love' forever more...and they lived happily ever after, the end.
A girl can dream, right?

More realistic of all possible worlds:
I get hired to sing a NUMBER of roles in a NUMBER of operas a year, each in a different place. I leave for a month and a half, every month and a half. I rely heavily on the hope that people do still believe that long distance relationships can work. Even from the beginning stages of a relationship. What I can 'come home' to is, hopefully..a someone..or a someplace...could be anywhere.
What seems most certain to me about career/life right now, is that the career has a leading role. I always want it to have a leading role. And I'm quite content and even excited about the prospects that next year and the NEXT year bring as well!
But being a gal that wants it all, I'd like all of those other 'best of all possible worlds' things to happen too.


Susan said...

About halfway through this entry I thought, "Ok, did she write this in the middle of the night?" And sure enough, it was almost 2am. This entry has a real middle-of-the-night feel to it. You never know what direction your life will go, and how changes (like, husband, kids, job, and who knows what else) will change your goals and where you see yourself.

I do believe, however, that it's possible to have your cake AND eat it too, and I hope you get to eat lots of cake! (calorie and fat-free, of course!)

me said...

haha- yes, 2am musings can be dangerous--I did think about that as I was writing, and contemplated deleting the whole thing or stopping in the middle...but it just came out so quickly and matter-of-factly that I pressed 'publish' and went to sleep with a clear mind ;)