approximately 45 minutes

Between 4:18 until 4:56 I did a decent vocal warmup and sang through all sections of upcoming-role.
So I really do just need 45 minutes a day. I have to be able to find those somewhere, right?!
I've performed the majority of the 2nd act previously, so this always feels flexible and good. And this is the 'long haul' quintet, 12 minute aria, quintet.
What needs more finesse is the first act. Small interjections that are 'talk-y', and of course, the big duet.
I think I can I think I can!

remember that one time...

...when I had TIME to do things?
Things that I wanted to do?
Things that I needed to do?

Things that didn't involve breastfeeding every 3 hours, changing poopy diaper explosions, wiping chewed up soggy banana pieces off of all of my clothes, wiping chewed up soggy banana pieces off of all of HIS clothes, wiping chewed up soggy banana pieces off of everything in the kitchen?

Yea, I don't remember that either.

This is not a direct response to my friend and colleague's recent HAPPY announcement that I am so super-duper-excited for her about:
http://jenniferrivera.squarespace.com/blog/2012/7/26/the-perils-of-being-a-preggo-performer.html

Just a happy coincidence that both were choosing the topic of pregnancy/babies/motherhood and opera-singer-mom-hood-ness.

Yes, it's all amazing, bubbles, rainbows, and sparkly unicorns too-- I mean, babies are magical things. The smiles that I get are absolutely unforgettable and when he laughs my eyes light up and my heart is full.

But, I'll take anything at this point. 20 minutes?
Of course now that it's 10:45pm I can't bust out Zerbinetta's aria or anything.

Here's to muscle memory, learning through osmosis and just going all out next month no matter how much time or lack there of I have now. Prost.

T minus 4 weeks

It's 2am so I suppose it's Thursday-- and that means I have precisely 4 weeks until the THURSDAY that I begin my next opera rehearsals.
Ummm, guess what I'm going to start doing tomorrow? Yep, that's right- walking around town with the libretto printout to test my memory. Over. and Over. and Over again. Until it rolls off of the tip of my tongue like.. butter? honey? spit? spun silk? Well, whatever it is-- til it's in there.

Why am I up at 2am on Thursday you ask? No, not because of the baby who is sleeping soundly in HIS OWN CRIB in HIS OWN ROOM (#winning)! Most likely because it's finally hitting home that yes, I am working again in one month. This role is BIG and EXCITING and I want so much to do an amazing job on it. So yea, that whole anxiety mixed with excitement at what is next thingamajig.
Which obviously is NOT helpful at 2am when I can't practice and I'm sitting in the dark typing out the libretto.

One last thing that I'd like to do is find a coach and go through the piece once a week for the next month-- that is easier said than done since everyone is on summer break!

Ok. Forcing myself to turn the computer off. In 3, 2, well, ok I'm checking gmail ONE more time and then turning it off..ONE.

adventures on the ICE train

Hello again friends,
You thought I was on summer break, but I had a day that was just too good not to share.
Warning: post about boobs, milk pumping and opera-mom issues ahead.

So I had an audition yesterday that required me to take a train for 4 hours to another country.
The night before went something like this:
7pm- first attempted bed time. Baby wakes up after 20 minutes, crying and inconsolable unless picked up and held.
8pm- 2nd attempted bed time. See above, only this time it lasted until 11:07pm
Finally feed and get to bed- 1am feeding, 2am loses the pacifier and wakes up, 3am feeding, and my alarm goes off at 5am.
Shower, do my hair, get in comfy clothes and bring the audition clothes ready for my long train ride during which I can hopefully sleep.

Also, did I mention, bring my hand pump?
Yea--- 9am in the ICE train bathroom was the first batch. Pumping on a moving train in a gross tiny bathroom- totally not my idea of fun times.

Arrive at the opera house at 11, warm up, sing audition at 12, pump again before I leave (this time in the NICE bathroom within a private warm-up room at the opera house), and then get BACK on a 4 hour train to arrive home 13 hours later at 6pm.

Oh, the audition? Yea, it went really really really well. Helps when you're singing one of your all-time favorite arias for consideration for that same role.
Too bad all the other sopranos were ALSO singing said aria- how DO these panels ever choose?
Is there just one clear OBVIOUS yes? Or is there ever fighting?
Well I like that voice, but SHE acted better, but SHE lives in Europe, but SHE etc. etc. etc.

Aaanyway, I'm glad that I had the audition and the chance to feel like I'm kicking some booty in my summer of music-learning!

End of mommy-boob-tales.

progress

Does high-lighting 1/3 of my upcoming score (until the yellow got really really pale) count as doing prep work for next-modern-piece-2013?

Methinks it does!

Happy Summer Y'all!

My last performance went very well, and just as quickly as this whole experiment in being a working opera singer-mom began, it's all over- at least for 2 months!

Of course, that doesn't mean I won't be practicing, coaching my upcoming Zerb which will be my first ever since I did the 2nd half in a studio program as a young'n, learning a NEW role for January (modern music aaaagain, and this time I'm PRETTY sure I can't use the score for half of it! ha).
I will of course be attempting to do that while juggling a 4.5 month old through 7 month old- which means- teething, first foods, and did I mention teething?

I've gotten back into Bikram. Can't go as often as I'd like because it just doesn't work that way with a baby that decides that rather than every 3-4 hours, he'd NOW, RIGHT NOW like to eat, RIGHT NOW- which puts a damper on actually getting out the door and 'doing things'.

Also the whole sleeping thing (ie, lack there of) is pretty rough. There are better nights and worse nights. This past week was a phase (hopefully!) of.. worse.

SO. Enough about babies.
Let's talk about career stuff!!
There are two possibilities that are still open for next season, and that I really really really hope I can be considered for.
ONE is my ABSOLUTELY FAVORITE music/composer (I actually had the overture on my 'birthing center room' playlist..who knows if it played or not, I was pushing and 'operatically screaming' too loudly to hear anything else)-- and as of right now I THINK that there is a role that is still not yet cast. Waiting to hear from manager about whether it is cast, and whether I can be considered with or without an audition there!

The second one is another Koenigin- but one that I've done before that is having a Wiederaufnahme next year. Soooo- from ALL of the Queens that they've had as Einspringers there, and the ones that were Fest and maybe not anymore, I would LIKE to be the one they choose to invite back.

We shall see. Both inquiries have been made by my manager and now we just wait and see.
I guess I shouldn't think about it TOO much, but ahhh-- it would be SO nice to JUST add these two small things to my season next year and then I'd be a happy momma-singer/singer-momma.

So far the work-life-balance thing has not even been a question. I've enjoyed every second of rehearsal AND every second of being at home. And also every second on the road, in the car, in the train, back and forth, and traveling SO that I could have 'balance' and not just stay in a hotel for a week by myself and then sing a show.

Happy Summer to everyone- not sure how much I'll be updating unless I start to seriously do some coachings that I write notes here about.

weeked o' crazy, part deux

Opera Saturday night, arrive home 1:20am, feed baby 2:30am, wake up at 5:30 to feed baby again, alarm goes off at 6:40 on Sunday morning, get up, get to the train station, 3.5 hour train across the 'country', train delayed by an hour, arrive for show #2, drink hot water with ginger and honey, warm up a TINY bit to make sure the F's are there, get in makeup and wig, pump (yea, see, I went there again), get in costume, SUNDAY MATINEE of Magic Flute, pump during intermission, get out of costume, get on 4 hour train ride home (longer because at night the ICE's stop in more places), sit next to a guy who didn't wear his shoes and smelled like he hadn't showered in a few days (ie: STUDENT), he gets off one hour later, then stuck with a woman taking up more than her share of the seat and doing crossword puzzles, freeze in the over-air-conditioned train cabin, 10:56 get out of the train, 11:10 arrive at my door. WHAT a weekend. Totally worth it. Last Flute of the season. ONE more show until I'm on 'vacation'- meaning, music-LEARNING, rather than performances until late August.

threeeee more shows and then ..

Summer break! So far this has been going WELL. I do not want to jinx anything. It has been challenging. It has been TIRING. But it has been good. Good to be 'back to work' so soon and to just take life as it comes with baby and career and all. But I can't hide the fact that I'm GLAD I only have three more performances left through the end of May, and then I get a big ole summer break until mid-August. Sure, I need to learn a modern opera (again!?!) during that time period...but that's different than having to show up with my A game for rehearsals, performances and just basically be on the ball all the time.

Whew. Looking forward to the next three and then looking forward to after.

two-fer

This past weekend I drove 4 hours to sing Koenigin der Nacht on Friday night, went to bed at 2am due to an overactive baby, woke up at 5am due to a hungry baby, drove 4 hours back home for a 2 hour 'nap'- which meant that I fed the baby and was up the whole time, then drove 2 more hours to my makeup call at 5:30 for my OTHER show on Saturday night. Sang the show (fed the baby at 7 shortly before curtain), and got in the car at 10pm, arrived home at midnight, FED THE BABY, and went to sleep.

I was a zombie on Sunday, but I did it! Weekend of "crazy" is over. I have to do it ONE more time in 2 weeks (2 shows in a row, this time the 2nd one is a matinee, so no naptime). How did this all happen smoothly? The husband.

He took off work for a day so he could do all the driving (ACTUALLY we requested an AUTOMATIC rental car, but when we got there they only had manuals left...and I only know how to drive a manual 'in theory'- never road-tested!). He took care of the baby when I wasn't there while at the same time having conference calls with his bosses in the UK and Spain. He brought the baby to the dressing room to eat, then took him back promptly so that no spitup would end up on my Koenigin constume! And then he got in the car late at night and drove home.

It's about a support system. No, I don't have a nanny. And no, my mom didn't fly in from across the ocean to help and neither did his. Maybe one day these are things I'll need to think about. But right now we are LUCKY to have the flexibility with his job combined with the weird demands of my schedule, and it's working.

THREE more weeks of shows, and then a trip back to the US, then 2 months 'off' where I need to learn 2 roles (one new one previously learned but never performed) and then work again in the late summer!
So far, so good. Healthwise I'd still love to lose a few more babyweight pounds/KILOS, but every sunny opportunity we have I'm walking between 4-5 miles with the stroller, and TOMORROW I'm starting Bikram again- after a YEAR off. Oh lords above please pray that I don't pass out like a fool in the first class.

Premiere

We did it! One of the most challenging pieces of music that I have faced so far in my career. With orchestra and conductor BEHIND us on the stage, with a prerecorded choir that had to sync to the maestro's conducting, with 20 actors undressing onstage, being painted blue, rolling around in plastic costumes with glued-on spatulas to their butts- yes, welcome to German Regie theater!! The composer was there for our generalprobe (final dress rehearsal) as WELL as at the premiere last night and he seemed VERY happy! Awesome. And on a personal note- I did it! First show back, with a baby. On the road. Thankful for all of the help that I had. Also, thankful that I said YES to thing and got back into the 'swing' of things so quickly. I am ready to keep going now. More motivated to find MORE work. I LIKE to be busy. I LIKE to do what I do. So- bring it on, please! Up next- the remaining performances here, WITH another 2 performances of Koenigin (with DIFFERENT DIALOGUE- UGH) mixed in at the same time, then a short US-vaycay for the little one to meet the REST of his extended family, and THEN getting back to some Zerbie and new music coming my way. Hurray.

One week

The premiere is one week away and I can safely say that I've conquered going back to work.
I have two more dress rehearsals, and barring any meltdowns on stage that merit extra calls, that's IT! The premiere.
This week will be rough because of my calls- 1hour45 before the show for makeup, then the run-through and then notes. Soooo that might mean double duty bottle time. So far I've only had to leave one bottle per rehearsal that I go to. There have been double-days, but each time I get to come back and pump another bottle in between.
How's this musician-boob-blog NOW, huh?
ANYWAY, two more rehearsals. A lot of toi toi toi cards to write, and a premiere to attend ...uh, yea, about that- I have no dress here except an 'audition' dress that's pretty informal. Hmm... May have to add a shopping spree to the list of things to do this week.

THEN, I get to go HOME! And just come back and forth for the next shows. Which will also be a bit of a schlep (2 hr drive, or 2.5 hr train ride each way)...and I have the choice of staying over in a hotel (sans baby), or driving back the same night (long day/night for me..but home in my own bed).

And THEN- one OTHER show (in the middle of these shows)..which I have to learn NEW/old dialogue for (oh queens, how you taunt me with your ever-changing text), and then I'm freeeee for the summer! Well, until August.

Guess what? BIKRAM yoga is going to be my bff again- at least twice a week, yes, this is a late-new-year-resolution. In addition to bike riding for 45 min. every other day.
GET IT.

Now to find a babysitter to make that all possible

on the horizon...

Week 3 of 'working mom' and I am getting the hang of it.
There have been no bottle feeding meltdowns yet and we haven't even dipped into freezer storage for milk!
I'm concentrating in rehearsals, and I *know* that everything is fine, instead of *worrying* whether everything is fine.'
So far this is totally handle-able.
Everyone around me is shocked that I'm back to work so early. In Germany most working moms take advantage of the one year to 18 months that they are guaranteed to have 'off' if they so desire, with the ability to be paid a certain percentage of their salary plus a guarantee that their job will be there when they return.
Well- I'm a free lance, guest artist- so no one guarantees whether or not my jobs will be there ever...
I'm glad I'm back 'on' again. I'm looking forward to these performances and another show which will take me through the end of May. Then I get a little time to relax and be 'just' a mommy for the summer (a full time job!) and rehearsals begin once again in mid-August for the next project.

I'm being pulled more and more toward modern music these days. I do have to say that even if I don't particularly 'like' the music of the piece I'm singing, I can appreciate it- the fact that it exists, that someone thought about making it, and that it is a challenge for all musicians involved.
Up next next next is another modern piece, in English, which will hopefully be easier to learn than current-craziness.

For now- I'm just happy that the little one decided that in the last two days he wanted to sleep for 7 consecutive hours during the night. No feeding, no waking, not a PEEP!
I felt like a new woman.

working mom week 1

Tuesday morning was the first time I had to leave the little one for work. Of course I knew he would be fine in terms of someone taking care of him (in this VERY lucky and rare case, my husband who is working from 'home' for this month while I'm at rehearsals, as well as my mother in law who is here to help out since the husband actually has to WORK even though he's 'home'). I knew he had enough milk (pumped with love at 5am). I knew it was only a 3 hour rehearsal, plus 30 minutes of getting there each way.
But what I didn't know what how horrible it would feel to come back home for our lunch break, see him sleeping and want SO much to wake him up and tell him I still loved him even though I wasn't there all morning. Of course, NEVER wake a sleeping baby! So I waited an hour, he woke up, all smiles, ate, and then went back to sleep when I went to my 2nd call of the day.
For some reason I still felt guilty, sad, and thinking that he loved me just a little less (as if he knew I was even gone- he was napping the whole time!).
But, since it wasn't me taking care of him 24 hours a day as I have been for the last 8 weeks, it was just different.
I could concentrate on the music. I was fine in rehearsals. But as soon as I walked out of the theater I was only thinking about getting back and whether anything was 'different'.
Was his 'routine' (or, lack thereof for an 8 week old) the same, could I still soothe him best (or was it my MIL now who put him down to nap so often during the day), etc. etc.
Yes, at the end of the day, everything was perfectly fine, but I still felt guilty.
Thankfully, my rehearsals for the first week have been SO light- aside from the first day's sing through, only 2-3 hours a day, which is amazing.
AND to top it all off, my last rehearsal was today at noon (Friday), and we are off until Tuesday- how does THAT happen? ! In the US this would be unheard of (only one day off a week), in addition to the fact that I would be guaranteed to be called at least to two sessions per day, ie, six hours of rehearsal.

So- I'm thankful that with a 9 week old baby, starting to work again is so far going well.
My day still looks something like the following and I don't know how long I can keep that going with so little sleep:

Let's start with nighttime-
Midnight-12:20 breastfeed, 12:20-1- watch the little one roll around, grunt, whinny, and make strange noises as he hopefully goes from LIGHT sleep to deep sleep.
1:30am-ish, I fall asleep.
3:30am-4am- hear him wake up, breastfeed, try to get him back in the bassinet without waking him up since he fell asleep at the boob.
4:30am-ish, I fall asleep.
6:30am-7am- he wakes up again, breastfeed, only this time it's 'morning' so we do diaper changes (crying), clothes changes (crying), begin the soothing-waking-playing (reading books, looking in the mirror, or music listening) for 45 minutes.
7:45-8:15- is he napping yet?
8:30-9, OH MAN I"M TIRED
9-shower and get some clothes on
9:33- bus to the theater
10-1 rehearsal.
2- back for the afternoon until 5, repeat the breastfeeding, playing, crying, napping scenario once or twice and choose between eating lunch and napping myself.
5:33- back to theater
6-8 or 6-10, rehearsal.
Come back, he's lightly sleeping, breastfeed at midnight.
Wash, Rise, Repeat.

Week one is complete, I know it was a light load in terms of rehearsal, but I made it.
Onward and upward.

6 days

Until I'm officially a 'working-mom'- not that these past 8 weeks haven't been filled with FULL TIME WORK just BEING a mom!
Yes, I know the music. I know, I know- shock and awe.
When I was assigned this insane piece of music I had my doubts..I STILL do, as I have not heard it with orchestra (and usually that's when this kind of stuff clicks for me)...buuut at least I know all the right tritone jumps, up one octave minus a half step, etc. etc., and can get through it all with confidence.
So- here we go!
Pretty much the only thing I'm concerned about with now is feeding the baby with an ever-changing rehearsal schedule.
Yes, there is a German law that says I have to get pumping/feeding breaks...but at this young age and not quite on any type of schedule for feeding except kinda-sorta every 2.45-3hrs, I have NO idea what to expect- how much I'll be 'milking' myself (yes, this just turned into *that* OPERAMOM blog a bit) and whether I'll be able to have him brought to the theater or have to put some of that 'liquid gold' on ice for later.

Wish us ALL luck.

ah sweet mystery of life...

At last I've ...KINDA... found you.
And I'm talking about this modern piece of music for which rehearsals begin in approximately 15 days.
YES. I've gotten to the stage where I can go through the score from tab to colorful tab (where I've marked my entrances), and sing MOSTLY correctly every random interjection of modern music that I have.
When I don't know what's coming up in the score I stop and review it, but that only happened a few times, and the funny thing is that after singing tritones to minor thirds to up one octave down a half step, the ones I actually get 'wrong' are perfect 5ths or some equally easy interval that in my head and on the score for some reason look more difficult than they are.

I'm Preeeeety sure I'm not going to be fired on the first day of rehearsal (have seen it happen before, twice). No, really. I always come prepared. OVER prepared. And with this piece I'm also pretty sure that I"ll be extremely well prepared (15 days from now, def.)

At some point I'll try to get into singing-opera-mom-baby conversations, but for now I'll say that no, I haven't had as much time to practice as usual, no, I don't have the time I would LIKE to start working out and get back into physical shape as quickly as I'd really like to, and no, I'm not really looking forward to going back to rehearsals with a 10 week old baby and figure out a 'schedule' when I will really have no set schedule (as is the norm in opera rehearsals..you never know when you'll be called- morning, day, evening, all, none, etc).
I know it's crazy. I also know that I CAN do it.
Just keep swimming...

have i mentioned

how much i LOVE modern music sometimes?
You see, sometimes the composer, decides that he has to control everything he possibly can in the score.
That means, that 1/4 of the orchestra is sitting on a raised platform precisely 3.5 feet above another 1/4 of the orchestra (except the 2nd violin players who are on stage right), and the last half are behind the audience in the opera house, and .. you get the picture.
Well in THIS specific piece, MY character/part has the 'indication' of being RAISED and SITTING in the orchestra (the stage right side of the divided orchestra which is raised above the stage left side of it)... SO, I was kinda-sorta hoping that this would magically happen ... and guess what it is?
I GET TO USE MY MUUUUUSSSIIIIIICCC! For like, a LOT of the action.
I have NO idea how I'm going to be blocked into it, but I received official word that I only need to memorize the last 'section' of the 4 section opera (about 50 pages, instead of 320!), and I have two things to say about this:

One- thank the sweet magical shiny unicorns who rule from their sugar-coated fluffy rainbow clouds on high... because this music is FRIKKING hard and NOT having to memorize the whole thing in the next month is going to make my life (with a baby that demands feeding every 3 hours and *sometimes* takes 1 hour naps after those feedings) SO SO SO much better!

Two- I AM SO LUCKY.
I know this.
Not every singer who agreed to start opera performances EIGHT WEEKS after having a baby actually gets to go through with that contract... I mean, I assume some singers would cancel it, not knowing if they COULD do it. Others may be canceled UPON, but houses that think they wouldn't be ready, and others still may not have even said yes in the first place, not knowing what their vocal situation would be, or not knowing whether they would have time to learn a role (if it was new, etc.)- thing is, I would have said YES to Queen, or ANY other role I've sung...and assume that muscle memory and good technique would kick in no matter what and I'd be able to do a great job at 8 weeks.
But modern, new, completely crazy music? That was...a tiny bit of a gamble.
And yes, I'll have it learned perfectly, and yes, I HAVE worked hard on this even though I've not been the most enthusiastic about the style and how it sounds in my ear (right NOW..maybe it'll grow on me with full cast and orchestra...as modern music usually does).

That's all for now!

one month...

It's been one month with the little one, and I now have about ONE MONTH before the big day of going back to rehearsals!

I'm tired out of my mind and can still thankfully get it together enough to practice/learn the music that I have to know for March.
Even if it's only 30 minutes a day while holding/bouncing/rocking a cranky/gassy(?) baby.

More on singing and learning modern music later...
I have to wolf down some food before he wakes up and see if the 1 hour window of opportunity that is presenting itself currently (ie, he is sleeping NOT in my arms and is in his co-sleeper and has not woken up screaming yet) will let me practice for a bit!

remember that one time...

Remember that one time when I didn't blog for like a month and I wasn't sharing tons of information because I was happily awaiting the arrival of our first CHILD?
Yea, I remember that too.

Happy to report that after going to 'sleep' at 2am, waking up from 4am-5am, 7am-8am and 11am again to 'begin' the day, I have found that I've somehow GAINED more high notes. Breastfeeding? Weirdo hormones?
This is never a bad thing, but also kind of a useless thing- since nothing is written that high!!
Time for more interpolated high notes in Olympia I guess.
Oh, and I'm back, I suppose. :)

oh, hai again..

There is news...but not for the interwebs...
sorriez!

For now lets just say that for my next feat of amazing-ness, I will MAGICALLY learn 120 pages of extremely modern music that I don't particularly (currently) care for (THIS COULD CHANGE ONCE I 'get' IT...but right now, I don't understand you, Mr. contemporary composer), and it will get into my head before I have my first rehearsal in March...
Right now I know 20 out of 120 ... and by 'know', I mean... I have PERUSED the notes, TRIED to figure out whether they have any relationship to each other, attempted to mark the correct rhythms...which, of course, as it is modern, is mostly in 4/4 but then is all tripelet'ed' and dotted tripelets and other such nonsense.

OK. I am PUTTING ON HEADPHONES NOW, and going to attempt to 'learn'/peruse TEN pages tonight.
YOU HEARD IT INTERWEBS. Make it so.

Counting Down

Home sweet home feels wonderful so far.
I still haven't gotten over weird jet lag issues- for the first 4 days I woke up at 4am, stayed awake and activity-filled until about noon, then crashed for the afternoon, and then, of course, couldn't fall asleep well at night, -- so I woke up at 4am again.
But last night I KIND of slept from 12:30am - 7:30am...
Kind of.

I have to report to my next 'first' rehearsal in March.
Learning the music for next-opera is just going to be a challenge.
There, I said it.
I already put my tabs in, marked the score (even though I have no real 'words'), translated the few words that I DO have, and have TRIED to even circle leading clues as to what note I come in on before most of my entrances.
Have I mentioned that this is a totally modern piece that I don't even know how to categorize? There are a FEW patterns that I can recognize and work off of in terms of my part, but, they are few and far between.
And sometimes modulated by one 'major' or 'minor'- which really means...there are NO patterns.

Umm, maybe I should stop blogging about it and actually try to LEARN it.

Thing is, for the audition last year the house already sent me the 'hardest' parts, so I know that about 10 minutes of music is already done and done. And I don't recall it taking me SO LONG to figure it out for the audition! I mean, I just 'got on the ball' and did my thing.
Which is precisely what I have to do now...
Oh motivation, can you please come knocking down my door in the next 3 weeks?

kthxbye