the end

The title of this post was only supposed to apply to the end of two years, the end of a program, the end of a degree, but unfortunately it has to soon apply to the end of a life. I suppose I am lucky that in my extended family I have never had to attend a funeral or mourn the loss of a close member of my family. My grandfather died when I was in fourth grade, but I was already in this country, so I didn't go back for the funeral, and I don't think my parents wanted to stress me or my brothers further after having to adapt to a new language, school, america, and everything else at that time.

I just found out yesterday that now my grandmother is doing very badly. And in just ONE week I'll be there to visit her! Along with my brothers- a family reunion with ALL of her grandchildren that she has not ever had since I was in my teens. She is old, nothing is really wrong except age. She is sharp as a tack. She understands everything. But this past week she had a fall, she now finds it hard to communicate even though she understands everything. She was never in full-time care, but did live in a nursing home where people could check in on her daily. Now she needs 24 hour care, and in my previous country of residence, that has to be approved by the government for the care to be provided for free. So in the interim, scrambling aunts uncles and cousins are trying to do the job of administrator, secretary, caregiver, and still take care of their daily workload and lives as well.

I don't want to wish that this doesn't happen while I'm visiting for three weeks, but I also don't want to wish that it does. I want her to see us all. I don't want it to be "one last time", but if it must, then I still want her to see us all together, laughing, understanding that we love her and never stopped thinking about her whether we were there every Friday night for dinner, or calling every Saturday halfway across the world.

-g