04 January, 2008

ease on down the road

Miracle of miracles- it's 2pm and I'm not sleeping in my bed! My goal for tonight is to try and stay up until 10:30pm...that way, even if I do fall asleep that early, the chances of me waking up at 2-3am are lower than they were last night (falling asleep at 9:30pm, waking up at 2, falling back asleep sometime around 5, and waking up at 8:30am).

I'm once again packing my life up into single servings, a suitcase for this week, audition clothes for next, passport, mini-toothpaste, etc.

The life of a wanderer is exciting, but it does make me appreciate what having a home means. And right now, what would be my home, is packed away in numerous boxes in storage. Most of which have not and will not be opened until I'm a 'real person' with a 'real apartment'. Some of which have been opened in a frantic frenzy, trying to find ONE piece of music that I know I sang in a concert in 2004 but have no idea which notebook or looseleaf pile of music it's hiding under.
And others still, which hold clothes that I probably last wore in grad school, and packed up into boxes or suitcases thinking I'd take them out next cold or warm season, and have now forgotten all about.

The year ahead is so far not as filled as I'd like it to be. Mostly because of the situation that I was in last year at this exact same time, having missed the audition season, and not known that I really needed to NOT miss it.
I have a number of auditions and competitions coming up, in the next few months, but nothing concrete performance-wise until May.

It's funny, because when I think back to this time last year, I had NO idea what was coming. That I wouldn't be plugging along as a resident artist, biding my time until breaking out, breaking through.
And now, here I am, and I've done quite well for myself this Fall Season. And now I'm just hoping that something falls in my lap for the summer and beyond.

I know where I'll be next January (in the WARMTH!, and singing a new role), but that's 2009. What about 2008?!!
I understand that this turned out to be the gap year/lag year because of the situation of auditions last year, but I still SO badly want to be doing something new and exciting.
Whether it's coaching all the time in the city and learning roles, preparing roles, etc or getting the opportunity to go abroad somewhere for a spring, summer or fall production.
I DO have to remember that the two roles that I sang this fall, I was only offered in MAY.
I'm impatient in some ways, but I also know how to go with the flow and that good things come to those who wait.
I'm not going to hound my manager and ask about feedback for every single audition I've sung. I do want to know what I can do better, and I trust them to tell me what they thought of the auditions- whether it was extraordinarily good or whether it wasn't my best.
I don't call every day asking whether so and so company is considering me.
Of course I WANT to know, but I figure, if it's a yes, I'll get the call when I get the call.
If it's a no, I won't hear.

I'm trying to be a bit more ZEN about this now that I've returned from Japan.
I'm on a need to know basis, and I can't rush any decisions, so I may as well work on improving myself and focusing inward until I get news of anything else.

(although that little girl in me still REALLY wants a golden egg NOW daddy).

No comments: