It's in the air

Is it just the weird gray weather outside, the quasi-cold end of winter into the drizzly not so much spring, or the heat turned up too high and giving us headaches and allergies that is making so many singers including me feel like they are in the black hole of their singing career?

GP
mused about it after a little time off, half the other blogsphere is either stressed, unmotivated, on leave, or gone forever.

I haven't sung yet today, but I've taught and listened, and talked too much. Don't feel good, and tonight's rehearsal will probably not be any better feeling.

I am stressed. I'm getting pulled in two different directions in terms of next year and am not really sure what to do about it.
Well, here is the better explanation. There is NOTHING I can do about it, even if I wanted to make a decision.
I've already signed a contract. And so I cannot even have the luxury of investigating this other possible opportunity for myself, as I believe it would be a VERY big mistake to reneg on the contract at this point.
HAD I known that I was being considered for this other opportunity, I MAY have asked place number one to wait a bit on the contract.
But I didn't. And that is how it goes.
This isn't about rank of opportunities, it's two completely separate things that cannot compete with each other, but I still wish that I could have at least had the chance to experience a bit of both this year and then be able to make a more educated decision about what I should do next.

Vocal things. I wrote my very first teacher an email yesterday regarding my new vocal things. She knows I've never had to work, it was always just there. And she is a big proponent of just letting it happen. Stop thinking about it. Smile, clear everything away besides what you are trying to convey, and there it is- magically great.
I haven't had a "lesson" with her in maybe six months. I haven't seen her regularly for five years, but I still consider her a great mentor and friend.
I wrote her about all of these vocal things and asked if I could come see her to get her opinion of what's going on.
At this point, I just want singing to be something I don't have to think about again.
I want to wake up, as I used to, have the high whatever note, have a smile on my face, and the excitement of a small child who is so happy with what they are doing that they couldn't imagine being anywhere else.

I'm not even a quarter-century old and I feel like I'm old in this business already. I feel like I'm playing catch-up with those just ten years my senior and already singing internationally, and racing those who are my age and a bit younger to get into the big programs, the big houses, the big opportunities- that will LEAD me, maybe to those other places.

Where on this path this year did I forget that it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing? That if I'm singing something that I love and I believe in, then it's all about the music and not who else could be doing this just as well or better than me?

I want to remember that feeling and live and sing for that alone.

-g