30 June, 2006

weekend update

Audition for two v.i.p.s in the young artist/future big named opera house scouting business went well. The conductor of the opera was there as well, so I think overall I impressed three people, one of whom rememberd me from a previous audition, and the other who asked for my birthdate "for my records"---I guess so next time they hear me they can compare with now? Or maybe just to see if indeed I'll be the youngest person employed as said opera house in the past x number of years...yea, right.

Then the recital. Oh, the recital. Here is the part that I don't really know about. Of course everyone comes up to you and says what a great job, bla bla bla. I felt good about two sets. I mean, really good, vocally and emotionally. The Russian I maybe had the emotion but have sung better. The French- sang well, maybe needed a bit more emotion. The Italian. Those D's on open E or A vowels. Here is my question..if I'm "used" to getting a comment from my old teacher about intonation issues on those D's and C's, did I do it this time? As I've said before, I can't hear it. I can think higher, approach from maybe a trill above kind of position. I WANT someone to say something. I could ask. But sometimes right after a concert that seems like you just want MORE praise and attention, because who is going to tell you right after you've sung that one note was consistantly under?

It didn't SEEM like anyone was making up their comments and praise about the performance. The singers were all genuine, and the coaches even had their specific favorites. The heads of the program were all smiley and everything...I mean of course one little pitch in one or two songs isn't a big deal, but I'd still want to know. And I'm not sure how to go about it. Maybe in a private coaching if I get one after all of the operas are on their feet.

In other news, the internet is now here. I don't know if it's our network, or stolen. But even with all of this time to now actually get these cover letters, thank you letters, career stuff drafted, I'm completely exhausted. I mean- vocally fried, physically TIRED (and of course still can't fall asleep or wake up easily), and emotionally--feeling distant from friends, family, one person in particular- and only really connecting with 26-30 other people here on a daily basis.
That's not to say that it is at all shallow conversation or shop talk. I of course hope to continue these relationships, but I also can't find the words or start to write the emails to just stay in touch with everyone else.

Maybe it's just fatigue. If I continue to crash this server, I'll eventually get around to emailing everyone hello.

There is a big looming business of singing email/letter that I have to compose and get out there in the next month about that big grant, and I just can't do the work right now.

Not to mention personal notes of thanks to future family for gifts, etc. oy.

I feel like I'm in more of a bubble here than in school. Because I don't even know where the post office is, I have no TIME to find out, and the only thing I know is that 20 minutes away a super Wal-Mart has all of the answers to life's little questions.


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