I was able to record my audition from the wings of the theater yesterday thanks to the lovely app called italk.
Even as I was walking out of the theater and back to the train station I was able to hear how I did and immediately begin to break it down.
First aria- pretty good, could have had a better low note before the first run, could have had a nicer shape to the very top on one cadenza. But- good.
Second aria- good, but I could tell that I was a bit tired by the end, and especially the last held high note (which I take as an optional high, but why not)...it was THERE, and for a long time too, but it just wasn't as easy-feeling (and I guess sounding) as I wanted it to be.
So here I am, kicking myself at these two or three tiny things that bugged me and that now I have on my phone as proof that I didn't do 100% super amazingly...
and then I get a call about feedback today.
That they loved the high notes, they love the attitude, they love everything about what I did, and as of right now I'm the top choice for whatever is it upcoming that's a possibility.
I just don't get it.
What is it that people like about what I do--when I DON"T? Or--when I don't feel great about it?
I mean. Ok. I'm singing on pitch. I'm shaping things musically. There are three spots I'm not happy with because I think breath control and nerves got in the way..but I still managed just fine..better than fine..and, they love it? But I don't come out of the room feeling like a champ?
It's a strange feeling for someone else to like work that you're not particularly...well I won't say proud of...but you know what I mean- that I'm not convinced was my best work.
So what's the bottom line?
To each his own, I suppose.
I just keep doing what I'm doing--and always strive for the best of course--knowing that even though I can be extremely picky about most things, other people won't pick up on things that I think I can do better in an aria that I've sung over 100 times and they're hearing for the first time from me that day.