audition

soooo....
had a pretty important one today.
Sang Zerb and was asked for Oscar.
Both felt lovely as usual.
Have my backstage ipod recording of both that I briefly listened to upon arriving home, just to make sure that it sounded as good as it felt.
It did.
BUUUUUT...over the past year, after however many auditions I've done, however 'normal' feeling it seems to me ... not being nervous and all, offering mostly the same repertoire of about 5-10 pieces that I circulate and love, it STILL gets to me that the German panel is ice-cold.
Especially here in Dland. I mean..PERK UP or something! Why the poker face, dudes?
If you enjoy it, enjoy it...write down your little scribbly notes as fast as you can...ANYTHING? no acknowledgment that I'm up here workin' my tail off whatsoever.

And you know, this IS one thing I miss about US auditions. As much as it's a huge cattle call in New York, at least you're in a room where you are 20 feet away from the auditioner and can VISIBLY see whether they like you or not. IMMEDIATELY. If they're into it, I get more into it! If they are over it, I will try EVEN harder to do something that they like...to elicit SOME kind of response via body language or soooomething.

Of course, it doesn't always happen..but the fact that you are closer makes small talk easier, makes these body language moves easier to pick up on, and generally leaves me (after most of my US auditions) in a SUPER good mood, having KNOWN that I rocked it vocally and dramatically for that DAY- no matter what the casting results are.

But here--it's like stone-faced and far away. No movement. Nothing but thank you, and then moving on to the next singer.

And even though I have Proof! (ok, iphone recording backstage loud reverb and you can hear the other singer humming under his breath towards the end of my second piece)...it just all seems like a bummer when you have NO idea whether they liked you or not....even though you DO know that you did an awesome job singing.

So yea, I'm not worried about getting feedback saying- ooooh, she cracked, she was sharp, she was flat, she ..bla bla bla.. because I know that didn't happen.

But SOME feedback would be nice. And after the immovable faces and bodies of the panel today, no questions, just thank you...and the request to hear my shortest aria after beginning with the END of Zerb (ok, it DOES make sense because they're doing Ballo in a few years, but still...there were plenty of other choices, including Queen, that were short), makes me wonder-- were they total haters? and if so, then WHY?

And, will I find out? Or will this audition go down as yet another one of those black holes-- no further contact or comments?


Oh, questions, questions. To put it another way, I came offstage feeling that I sang really really well, and then that feeling deteriorated throughout the day as I analyzed THEIR non-reactions and THEIR choice of a second piece instead of any one of my other crazy high or crazy hard pieces.
Yes, I realize this is neurotic behavior. And that it shouldn't have 'ruined' the rest of my day (meaning, no musical work, I ate some ramen noodles to warm me up, sat in the dark on the couch, wrote some emails, and was basically a waste of space until 8pm tonight), and I AM going to get up right now, put my jogging clothes on and go OUT of the house, as I had intended to do around 2pm today.

But you know what? For not being a crazy singer, this little BIT of crazy today showed me how some other people spend each and every audition they do.
So, ok, I nitpicked one audition. In a year.
Now back to your regularly scheduled coloratura filled with confidence and the F-you mentality about auditions.