le weekend..thoughts on career and character

Well, it's a long weekend for just about everyone..except me. Rehearsal on Monday. But that's ok. We've had about 3.5 days of rehearsals, and a majority of my scenes have already been staged. I'm feeling pretty good that I have almost three weeks just to tweak, work on character, really dig in. Rather than be staging and "rehearsing" while still not 100% sure blocking is set, etc.

Of course things could still change, but right now the environment is so wonderful that I'm thinking it'll just be more playtime and discovery. Really allowing me to take time with this new character and get as much into it as possible.

The role this time around seems to have to faces, two bodies, two minds, that I need to find just the right combination of on stage:

It's a physical role, but also a very refined one due to the setting and century. So while I jump on other people, and prance around excitedly, I still need to maintain decorum.

It's a young character, but also one with great power and prestige, so while I have that swagger, there is also a sense of refinement, as one who would have been brought up under aristocratic tutelage.

While I'm the comic relief, I always take myself extremely seriously.
Devoted, almost to the point of indoctrination.
Easily offended, easily offending to others (and likes it that way).


Back to the weekend--yes, it will involve further character development as I walk around mirrored rooms, think about musical entrances and how much time I have to be a brat to one character and then another, and of course work on getting taller somehow.

It will involve continued general "thoughts" about audition season.
The applications are all in front of me, almost ready to go, I'm just not sure I want to send them.
It's the same debate in my mind.
Do I pay the money for an audition, which, IF I got it, would maintain the status quo from last year? (meaning, young artist)? Or do I wait, and rely on other upcoming auditions to become a mainstage auditioner and hopefully singer/performer (THIS year--preferably...)?

I recently was emailing a friend about careers, stability, success and life.
They wrote:
"one of things that does inspire me is how un-embittered you are in the face of a
career that offers no security, no room for error, and often no fair
reward for hard work."

It was strange to read those words, because it's not often that I put all of that together and really think about this, as a career different than what someone else in another field would be working for.
I wouldn't say I'm an optimist. I am a realist.
Nothing is fair.
Working hard doesn't mean you'll get the job.
Singing the best/prettiest doesn't mean you'll get the job.
Sending an application doesn't mean you'll get the live audition.
Having the look, materials, voice, recommendations, time free to be in NY--means nothing.

So then, why?
WHY?
Because this is IT. How much better can it be than singing in your favorite opera? Than living the music of one of the geniuses of the century? Than interpreting a work and following the footsteps of your great musical idols? Of joining the ranks of those who make art their passion and share it for a living?

Of course I'm not an optimist. When since the age of 21 you're receiving 29 out of 30 rejection letters each audition season, you learn that it's not about you.

All you can do is work the hardest, be the most in-the-know, sing the best you can, act the best you can, be as prepared as you can...to know everything about the black hole you will walk into for 7 minutes one day a year between October and December and audition for ONE spot in ONE opera of ONE season. And then rinse and repeat however many times you have auditions.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming for a light and carefree labor day weekend.