real life catches up

Yes, the posts should be about music. But I suppose they can also be about personal relationships and how those are affected by a music career.

It's not that a relationship ever takes a backseat, being a performer just makes the road a bit more bumpy to travel on to get anywhere.

Not being together, not knowing what city, state, country or continent you'll be singing in next, not knowing the next time you'll be able to see one another, not being able to plan really leaves things in limbo sometimes.

Many of my singer friends are single. Many of them are in relationships with other singers (either a big mistake or the best thing in their lives--according to which stage of the relationship they're in- new, summer program fling, breakup, or divorce). A few are in relationships with people who have nothing to do with the music business.

So what does it take?
Well, in my experience so far, it takes a lot of working on communication.
One person can't get angry or upset because a scheduled phone call just couldn't happen because rehearsal wasn't let out until 30 minutes later.
The other can't get sad because their hours are so crazy and insane and the time zone they are in precludes any goodnight conversations for over a month.
And you have to talk about these things before you face them, not just assume that you'll get through them just because you love each other and want to be in this relationship.

If you're in it for the long haul (what nice terms to put a loving, forever type of relationship in!), then you have know what you will be willing to sacrifice, and whether that will affect your career, or your relationship, or both.

It's not about being selfish in either case, it's about realizing that you can't be completely happy by giving something up that you're not ready to give up.
Example- would I be happier in my relationship if I only lived in one location with the person that I love?
Yes.
HOWEVER. I would not be happier with myself because I'd feel like I'm giving up on a career I'm just beginning and could go anywhere--and that would creep into my "happy relationship" of living in just one place. And slowly but surely my happiness in the relationship would somehow deteriorate and become intolerable simply because I was not satisfied with another part of my life.

These of course, are my thoughts now, at my age, on this evening.
Check in a few years down the road and maybe the only thing on my mind will be babies and Martha Stewart bedding sets. Even still, I'm pretty sure if it's babies I'd also try to find a way to lug them around to whatever gig I had, wherever it was. Maybe in one of those carriers they make for little yappy dogs.