remember to not forget....

Masterclass today with the director of the program.
I was on the fence between Zerbie and O luce- bel canto won out- also I think I have a better handle on Zerb dramatically than the "ah's" of joy in O luce.

But, breakthrough of all breakthroughs--- I don't have to be cute and sweet in every ingenoue role that I play!

O luce has happy words in it, it has happy music, but I"M NOT HAPPY! I'm a teenager who is not "wishing" for her love to show up....I'm dreading the fact that he hasn't shown up yet and that he may NEVER show up!
Wow, did that ever change the aria.

So I grew up. Welcome to adulthood. The stakes were raised. I was not wishing and hoping and pining and lovey. I was hurt and scared and confused and wanting so so badly for him to show up because if he didn't I'd just die.

Notes to remember:
Arm tension- and here I thought my gestures were so well planned. Well, they are but they were all inward or sideways..nothing out and longing. So, add that.

Don't explain through gestures. Say the words.

Musical beats- the aria/cadenza/line doesn't end when I stop singing or when the music stops. It ends when I have a new musical beat/thought.

Want it want it want it so badly that I can't do anything but express myself through that final cadenza with my hands reaching toward him.

And then of course hit that g.

All of this brings new light into my arias..that I say that I hate all the time- but really it's because I feel like I have to be this sweet thing, or this coy thing, or this excited young thing. I think young is the key word--that I don't want to really be, but all of these character are...but you know---the younger, the more immature, the more melodramatic-the more things really are life and death.

I had a Zerbie coaching afterwards and I really felt more grown up. I was instructing, I was actually telling the honest truth about myself, the character, the truth about relationships that don't work out, men and women--it felt really good.

So, to rethink my "cute" rep. in that manner will be really exciting for me over the last 11 days that I'm here, where hopefully I'll get to have some more coachings on most anything I do to get these back into singing shape.

Other news- got asked to do a concert in NY in september..but have to get a release from company-to-be---have sent an email asking for the release, no response...
I don't care SO much if I dont sing the concert, I'd just like to be able to tell the maestro and the planners that I can't do it..like- soon.
I guess I'll have to call them on Monday if I don't get an email.

What else?
Things are not yet winding down here. Last opera full of dancing and singing, scenes program. Cunegonde and Baby Doe (letter scene and the two duets following). I have never done the Baby Doe before (well, I sing the other two arias), but this is the first program to put me in something inherently not just coloratura, and it's fun and pretty and I feel good about it.
Too many words in Candide, and you'd think that I know it since I've done both of those scenes before, but with each new staging every year you get a taste for something different and get all flustered eventually. I hope we have one more run-through before the dress rehearsal!

I haven't done nearly as much work on Lakme as I would have liked to this summer. I actually don't think I've listened to it once. I "know" it--on book-- for pretty much the entire show. But my memory has not been tested nor have I started to test it. I have to decide whether to work from the French or from the English.
It's the only language where I actually KNOW what the words mean, so I have to decide whether to try and memorize it only fromthe French and then inherently know the meaning while I sing, or memorize it from the meaning (meaning I think ahead in English and then say the French). It may sound dumb, but it's kind of complicated.
I want the words to roll right off- and it seems that just doing French would be what I should do...but then what if I have a brain freeze at some point? Then I won't have any clue what the next French word is because I didn't learn it through the English, I just learned it in the French getting ready to know what I wanted to say as I say it (which to me is what it SHOULD be, but it's a danger as well).
Ok, too confused and complicated to go any further.
Maybe I'll just listen to it tonight with my score open!

Yoga tomorrow (last class), and then tech at the theater all day (hooray for sneakers and marking).

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