trust

This morning after two run-through's of Hoffmann (just the first act), I had a rep. coaching where I decided to sing through the Bell Song and O luce...well, after two other tidbits of Lakme.
Here are my feelings on Lakme as a first time role that I will be singing this year, and how I'm preparing it.

This role is not only coloratura fireworks and that pretty duet they use in Giardelli chocolate or British Airways commercials. It is tender, calm, LOW, MIDDLE, lullabye, emotive-- I'd say it's close to Lucia in terms of emotion that you have to go through in each piece, and then also the absolute serenity of singing the "mad scene" that you have to approach some of the lullabyes with. Aaaanyway, it's challenging but in a really good way. Kind of like what Lucia was for me last year. The funny thing is, now I feel very comfortable with the low/middle lullabye sections and the gorgeous, long-phrased and lined pieces, and for some reason again my voice/mind connection decided to go on the fritz again today during the Lakme aria.

I have GOT to stop thinking about this. Thinking about anything that has to do with my singing. It's not that I'm actively listening to the sounds I'm making. On the contrary, I'm maybe questioning what the sound is, what vowel I'm using, asking if it's really free--- I mean- who needs that?! I just need to relax and sing like I know how to sing, emote like the character, feel the words...ahhh..sometimes it's so frustrating to pretend that no one ever "taught" you to sing or "tweaked" you or discussed "breathing" and "technique". It was all there from the start. It needed guidance and love and nurturing and time. And now it's here and ready!! And I have to just trust that feeling more.

Of course I was taught. Of course I learned things along the way. But when it comes to performing and singing, all of those learned skills should come naturally now. There is no reason for my mind to wander and wonder whether it's going well! And still, it happens. Maybe it was because it was a coaching- and I tend to "listen" more in those types of situations rather than onstage where I have do just do my thing. Listen to see if everything in those lessons is actually working out in this coaching..and WILL work out in auditions and in the role.

Goal for tomorrow's Met competition repertoire coaching: STOP. SING.

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